simple joys

These Moments

Posted on April 30, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve learned to live for these moments.

The small moments.

The few and far between moments.

The moments you could never plan for and don’t see coming.

The moments we don’t even know we need until we are smack dab in the middle of them.

The moments that simultaneously make motherhood and childhood magical.

The moments that force me to stop and see the world through my son’s eyes.

The moments that allow me to truly be present, forget all my worries, doubts and fears and take in beauty, light and peace.

These moments feel like gifts.

What you don’t see in this photo are four bags of groceries surrounding me on the sidewalk.

What you don’t know is that Lucas and I had a rough afternoon together full of errand running, negotiation and frustration.

We watched the snail slowly slither across our path for 10 minutes or more and it was awesome.

I need more moments like this.

Someday

Posted on February 7, 2013 Written by Tonya

I noticed her shocking pink swimsuit first. It had a tulle ruffle all around the middle.

Her face was angelic and eyes bright.

Her light brown hair was pulled back in high pigtails secured with white satin bows.

She inched her way into the pool, step by delicate step until she was used to the temperature.

The water was 2 1/2 feet deep but she was careful to stay only on the stairs.

She kicked and splashed with delight.

I watched her bat her eyes at my son, who I learned later is a full year older.

He was instantly and completely enamored by her. Much like his mom who couldn’t take her eyes off her plump cheeks and tiny arms.

For half and hour they blew bubbles, filled pirate ships and butterflies with water to squirt at one another, made funny faces and giggled.

Soon we were introduced to her older brother and the three of them played together and negotiated for five more minutes at least twice.

Finally bidding farewell, we promised to meet again the following week.

Later on our car ride home, Lucas’ skin waterlogged and eyes droopy with exhaustion, he asked me for a little sister.

My heart sank as I barely mustered, “Someday, buddy.”

Joy

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

1. Looking at photos of my wedding day. Not only were my parents there, but also some of my favorite people in the world plus, it was the day I married my best friend (not to be confused with the best friend I mention in #9).

2. Anytime it’s just me and Lucas in the car. He asks a million questions about what he sees out the window and life in general and I do my best to answer him. Such a curious little buddy.

3. Hearing Lucas sing quietly in his bedroom.

4. A workout that leaves my heart racing and my body super sweaty.

5. Seeing the porch light on upon arriving home.

6. The first sip of a iced Chai tea latte.

7. My sister’s hugs.

8. Starting a new book.

9. Sharing a glass (or bottle) of wine with my BFF, Colleen while we compare parenting notes, commiserate over sick children, family members and too much to do, gossip or crack each other up over the great Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney debate.

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

I hope your holiday is filled with immense joy, love and laughter!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and yes, it is my second entry for this week, Prompt #5 List the top 9 things that bring you joy.

Have You Ever?

Posted on November 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

Have you ever felt giddy over getting another stamp in your passport?

Have you ever been approached on the street in Yaletown and asked if you needed help with directions, restoring your faith in the kindness of strangers?

Have you ever been caught in the rain on Robson Street and laughed so hard you cried?

Have you ever seen a twinkle in your husband’s eye as he points out the building he used to live in on Georgia Street?

Have you ever sang karaoke to a room full of strangers at Hollywood North and it made your heart do cartwheels inside your chest?

Have you ever tasted the tomato soup with goat cheese at Cardero’s in Coal Harbor and swear you could eat it every day this winter and never grow tired of it?

Have you ever felt as though your problems at home really were a million miles away?

Have you ever pushed your son’s stroller through Stanley Park?

Have Aurora and Qila, the beluga whales at the Vancouver Aquarium ever smiled at you?

Have you ever walked across suspension bridges 230 feet above the Capilano River while your knees quaked with fear?

Have you ever taken a photo of your husband and son swimming in the hotel pool from your 22nd floor window?

Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving with filet mignon and chocolate cake at Hy’s Steakhouse?

Have you ever written the top 10 items you are most grateful for on the back of a wine list in crayon?

Have you ever watched your child experience something as magical as snow for the first time and it completely took your breath away?

Have you ever been in 32 degrees, worn four layers of clothing and still couldn’t get warm?

Have you ever heard the delicate sound of snow melting off of tree branches?

Have you ever watched the pastry chef at Chateau Whistler masterfully assemble a life-sized gingerbread house in the lobby?

Have you ever bought souvenirs at Granville Market?

Have you ever been to a place that you just couldn’t describe in words?

Have you ever been to British Columbia?

During our week in Vancouver and Whistler I had all of these sensations and experiences. My senses were truly on overdrive and it was an amazing week. We are already planning our next visit.

Just Now

Posted on September 21, 2012 Written by Tonya

Just a year ago your world revolved around Thomas the Train & Friends, this year, it is all about Cars.

Just months ago you were overcome with anxiousness at swim lessons and now you can lap the entire length of the pool all by yourself.

Just weeks ago you started your second year of preschool with calmed nerves but an ever curious mind still working at full throttle.

Just this morning we sat across from one another and had breakfast; a bagel with cream cheese and grapes for you, toast and tea for me. Soon afterwards, I put a shirt on you that I knew was too small but was still hoping would fit.

Just this afternoon I picked you up from school and was greeted, as usual with your brilliant smile and a welcoming hug.

Just hours ago we were decorating Halloween cookies together with our friends and you were licking orange and black frosting from your finger tips.

Just hours ago you were sprawled out in bed, your friends next you watching a movie and having “real” conversations with one another.

Just minutes ago I was reading you a Berenstain Bears book about dinosaurs; prehistoric creatures with names I need help pronouncing but for you, they effortlessly roll off your tongue.

Just now I watch you sleep quietly by my side. I count your breaths, drink in your sweet scent and wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Happy Sighs

Posted on September 10, 2012 Written by Tonya

Apart from spending time with my husband, son, puppy and friends, and maybe reading and working out, the thing that makes me the happiest is listening to Dave Matthews Band.

In fact, there was an amazing moment on my recent trip to Mexico when “#41”, my favorite DMB song came on while a small group of my friends and I were sailing on the Gulf of California and I couldn’t help but dance all over the boat feeling free and light and relaxed and oh so very happy. It was one of those moments that deep sighs are made of and will make me smile for a long time whenever I think of it.

If you know me or have been reading Letters For Lucas for any length of time then you know I am a die-hard DMB fan and never miss a concert when they come through my town.

I am thrilled to be guest posting on The Trend Tribe today with my first ever concert review of Saturday’s Irvine Dave Matthews Band show.

If you have never heard of The Trend Tribe, it is a super cool Web site featuring the latest trends in fashion, travel, events, food and health and it meant a lot to me that Editor-in-Chief, Nicole Standley came to me with this assignment.

Please visit me here today!

I HEART DMB!

This Time It’s Personal

Posted on August 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

My posts have been sparse and a little on the light side lately. I’ve experienced blog burn out before and taken blogging breaks. I’ve even experienced writer’s block, but this is different.

This time it’s personal.

Where have I been you ask?

I promised myself to take some of the pressure off during the month of August.

I told myself I needed focus on something other than my (in)fertility, medications, hormone levels, doctor’s appointments and marking days on the calendar.

I wanted wear little to no make-up, let my hair dry naturally, throw on a baseball cap and s l o w down, get back in touch with myself and my family and friends and just be for a while.

Relaxing is so hard for me and like many of you, I struggle with being present, being truly in the moment and realizing that so much of what I actually need is in the simple things; a wag of a new puppy’s tail, my son’s face lighting up as he gets the last puzzle piece to fit, the satisfying feeling of sweat dripping down my back, belly laughs and good cries.

So far I’m pleased with my progress…

My husband and I celebrated our five year anniversary by spending the weekend in San Francisco. We rented Segways, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge and enjoyed some fabulous dinners. A big huge thank you to my in-laws for keeping Lucas while we did so.

We’ve been having fun getting acquainted with our new puppy, Charlie Pasta!

I’ve been living deadline free, having quit my freelance job the end of July.

I took Lucas on a trip to Santa Barbara to visit with high school friends, a couple I hadn’t seen in a dozen years. We picked up right where we left off, which is the great thing about old friendships!

This trip also marked my first time taking Lucas in a pool by myself. It was challenging at first, but a huge success. He is such a fish and we had a blast!

I have been staying up too late to read rather than play on my phone or struggle to pump out a blog post and after a mandatory three month hiatus, I have picked up my hot yoga classes again.

I’m spending more time outside and soaking up what is left of summer. There have been trips to the library in search of books about dinosaurs, many rounds of Go Fish, lots of pretend play, several hours logged in front of the TV watching the XXX Summer Games and Scooby Doo, countless walks around the neighborhood with our new furry friend and last week I was able to spend three glorious hours at the Getty Center by MYSELF.

All I have wanted to do is spend time with my sweet family, practice living in the moment and keep cool! I hope you are doing much of the same.

I’ll be back soon.

When was the last time you took a blogging break? I highly recommend it!

Incidentally, today marks my third year blogging. Ironic, no?

Looking Forward

Posted on July 25, 2012 Written by Tonya

I have been so down in the dumps lately with our infertility journey coming to a much needed break (for now) and the recent damage I’m having to deal with at my parents house that when I saw Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompts for this week, I couldn’t help but pick #1: Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

I have found that it is so important to see the good in your life, especially when you feel like the walls are caving in around you and all you want to do is cry.

Mine is a very blessed life and I have so much more to make me smile than frown and came up with not one, but SEVEN really great things that I’m looking forward to:

1. Seeing Iris with my sister this weekend.

Click on image for source.

2. Celebrating our five year anniversary in San Francisco next weekend.

3. Bringing home our puppy home on August 7.

Taken on July 24. Puppy is 7 1/2 weeks old!

4. A new pile of books to tackle! I just read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and if it is possible, it made me fall in love with reading all over again. Seriously, if you haven’t read this book, please do, it’s absolutely magical.

Here are three others I’m anxious to snuggle up with!

5. Duran Duran concert with my girlfriends on August 11!

6. Mastering the camel pose – someday, I hope! And look this elegant while doing it. Sigh.

Click on image for source.

7. More moments like this with Lucas, someone I look forward to being with every single day:

What are you looking forward to?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1) Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

Be Here

Posted on June 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

I usually leave the letter writing to you around here, but from time to time, I just have to address someone. This is one of those times.

Dear Mom at the park,

We’ve never met.

I don’t know you.

I don’t pretend to have any idea what kind of life or even day you have had or what may be running through your head at this very moment, but I know that we all have stuff, heavy stuff and life is full of distractions.

I’ll be the first to admit that being a mom is really tough sometimes.

I know I’m out of place and you can tell me to go straight to hell, but I couldn’t help noticing your complete disinterest in your child as he desperately tried to get your attention today at the park.

Do you hear him?

Mom, watch this.

Mom, push me.

Mom, let’s build something.

Mom, help me.

Mom, will you chase me?

Mom?

Mom?!

MOM!

Everyone else at the park does.

Please get off your phone and pay attention to your boy.

Incidentally, that scream came from your son who just face planted into the hot rough sand. He needs you.

That incessant plea to be pushed on the swing is coming from your son.

Put your coffee aside and help your little boy get down from the monkey bars. He wants you.

He wants to spend time with you!

It’s not my job to tell your kid that throwing sand is not okay, not to mention barging in front of children half his age. Coming to the park is suppose to be fun for all of us. Sure it’s a drag when there are dozens of places we would rather be, but we are here so let’s make the best of it.

Be here.

Besides, would it kill you to engage with your child? Couldn’t you block the world out and chase him around in the grass for a few minutes? Why not take a load off and lay on your backs and count the clouds in sky? Build a magnificent sand castle? Slide down the slide together?

Do something.

Anything.

Laugh. Smile. Love.

It’s one afternoon, one hour, if that and I’m sure there will be no lasting effects, but childhood goes by way too fast and before you know it, an afternoon turns into a week and weeks become months and so on. I don’t want you to miss it.

Sincerely,

Someone who has been there.

These Moments

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Someday

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