milestones

Kindergarten Is Big Time

Posted on September 15, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas has been in preschool or PreK since he was two years old, but Kindergarten is different.

Kindergarten is BIG time.

Our family had a lot of fun getting ready for the BIG day over the summer.

Periodically, my husband and I both checked in with him… And not once did Lucas express apprehension or nerves over a new school, having to make new friends, or what a huge milestone this was/is to his parents.

I stocked up on collared shirts a size larger than last year, crisp white socks and undies and two new pairs of sneakers. The kitchen was full of all his favorite foods; jars of peanut butter, ripe but not too ripe bananas, grapes, strawberry-flavored Go-Gurts, baby carrots and garlic humus.

I was so anxious the night before making sure we had separate labeled bags for his snack and lunch, double checking all the reuseable water bottles had matching lids and that we had a change of clothes AND shoes, a favorite blanket for rest time and that his first day clothes were laid out.

We also talked about Lucas’s goals for the upcoming school year and wrote them down so that we/he, once he accomplished #1 could revisit them from time to time. I think he is more than capable of achieving each and every one:

We are 10 days into the new school year and Lucas is as enthusiastic as he was all summer. He’s more tired at the end of the day than usual, but that’s what a five-day school week will do to a little boy who no longer naps, but he’s buzzing with new ideas and school projects.

Last week he explained sequence to me and brought home a baggie full of liquid polymers that he learned about in science class, together we created a vision writing board and he is very eager for me to plan a play dates with his new friends.

I’m proud of my boy but as a mother, it still shocks the hell of me when I think something is going to bother him or make him fearful and he demonstrates the exact opposite. I hope things continue to go so smoothly for him but I’ll be ready if we encounter any hiccups.

In A Nutshell

Posted on August 27, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas and I had a blast in Chicago and I will share more about our first annual mother/son trip, including photos soon, but first I want to acknowledge my FIVE year blogiversary! Just under the wire, I might add as it’s almost midnight on the West Coast.

I posted the following photo on my Facebook fan page because I didn’t think I would be able to write a post and wanted to recognize this day in some way and I received a comment with the exact message that I needed to read today.

The note is from a new friend and Letters For Lucas reader, Darya and says:

The first words I ever said to you was at the GLOLunch and I told you how happy and relieved I was to have you ask the question regarding time to blog posts vs your new life–what to do? I may be new to blogging, but I am kinda old to mothering and woman-ing, and I can promise you that the blog will wait, your babies will not. Keep on keeping on, Momma and we will all be here when life circles back around. Congratulations! And when it comes to blogging, you are already at the place where I want to be.

Thank you, Darya. Thank you for your wise words and understanding.

The last couple of months have been both challenging and busy with summer camps, karate, swim lessons, play dates, trips, concerts, a traveling husband and a lot of laundry! At one point today I looked at my coffee table and captured this shot:

My life in a nutshell.

This is my life in a nutshell these days… A dirty diaper, a bottle, a fearless and delicious baby, Lego, struggles over activity books vs. screen time, endless rounds of Connect 4 and Spot It, which if you aren’t playing with your 5-10 year old, you should be, remnants of snacks and counting down to Kindergarten!

The only thing missing from this photo besides my best buddy Lucas of course, is my daily intake of caffeine. In a moment of mothering weakness, I called my husband at work and asked for help. I needed some relief, so a few hours later, he rescheduled a meeting, came home early and took Lucas skateboarding.

This is motherhood.

This is mothering.

This leaves little time for blogging.

And I’m okay with that.

Here’s to five years, but more than that, here’s to mothering!

45

Posted on August 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to imagine my parents ever dating. Of course they did long before I existed and while I was growing up too, but I only recall babysitters not the two of them going out for the evening.

I can’t help but wonder if we’d be at their favorite restaurant tonight dining all together as a family or would my father insist on a having a “cook out” and inviting a few friends over too. Just bring yourself, he’d say when asked what could be contributed to the gathering.

Maybe with the help of me or my sister, my father would have made reservations at a hip new eatery. He’d hate every minute of the meal but would go through it with smile on his face and rise to leave as soon as the check was paid. My dad did not enjoy the restaurant dining experience in the least bit. He liked being at home and was always ready for the next thing so it left him antsy in restaurants.

I’m certain my dad would have enlisted help picking out a piece of sapphire jewelry, the classic gift given on this occasion. My mother would opt for a silly over sentimental gift for him and card that said it all because she was unable.

I bet my sister and I would have gone in on a gift together for them. For their 25th anniversary we presented them with an engraved decorative pewter plate we bought at Things Remembered. We’d have to do better than that, it has been another 20 years. A trip maybe? I always dreamed of sending them on a cruise. Why I have no idea, especially since my mother had severe motion sickness and my dad’s need for his own space.

I wish I had known my parents without children, just them, as a couple. I regret not asking them more about their early years together. I want to hear again how they met, when exactly they knew they had found The One and after all these years together, what makes their marriage work and has there ever been a time when one of them wanted to walk away. I’d like to thank them for being such great marriage role models, sticking together, sticking it out.

If they were alive, my parents would be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary today.

I hope wherever they are, they are kissing and cuddling and toasting one another as I’ll be.

7 Years & Counting… A Great Gift Idea

Posted on August 4, 2014 Written by Tonya

Seven years ago today I married my husband in a small ceremony in our backyard.

It has been the highest of highs (creating two amazing children, buying and making homes together and starting a business topping the list) and lowest of lows (losing my parents and struggling with secondary infertility topping the list).

Traditional or modern.

That was the question.

Well before our first anniversary, my husband and I decided that we would follow the traditional list of gifts for each of our anniversaries.

You know the gift list that was probably created by those geniuses at Hallmark…. paper for year 1, cotton for year 2, leather for year 3. Click here if you are unfamiliar.

Come to find out, thanks to Wikipedia, the origins of the current gift conventions date to 1937. Before that, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversaries had an associated gift. In 1937, the Jewelers of America introduced an expanded list of gifts. The revamped list gave a gift for each year up to the 25th, and then for every fifth anniversary after that. You know Hallmark took this list to heart and ran with it!

Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpu

So, what’s the seventh year traditional gift? Wool and/or copper. Basically a sweater, however, I did have fun with the copper part after I hit up Twitter for ideas! My husband is the worst person on the planet to shop for, so thank you to @christinA.

First I came up with seven significant years to us, scoured our piggy banks to find pennies minted in those years and used super glue to affix them to a piece of paper in the shape of a 7. I included a brief explanation of the years in chronological order beneath the 7, found an inexpensive frame at Aaron Brothers and voilà!

A Parenting Lesson In Preparedness: Lucas Lost His First Tooth!

Posted on July 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

You know you’re a mom when on the rare occasion you go out of town, monumental things will happen at home.

Okay, so that’s a little dramatic, but Lola did officially start crawling over the weekend I was in San Jose at BlogHer 2014 (I’ll share a recap post on the conference in a few days).

And Todd sent me this photo of Lucas’s first loose tooth!

So exciting.

I had visions of going to the bank for crisp $2 bills, carefully painting the bills with glitter glue and downloading a template for Tooth Fairy stationary. A visit from the Tooth Fairy is very special, especially when it’s your first one.

I was reassured by my fellow mom friends that it takes a few days for a loose tooth to come out so I wasn’t too worried about it coming out while I was away.

Well, it happened last night! After a long day at Super Hero summer camp, karate lessons and a fun dinner out with friends, it was very late when we got home, way after bedtime late.

Lucas had been saying in the car that is tooth felt “looser” so he rushed to show his dad as soon as we walked through the door. Todd only had to wiggle the tooth slightly and after four days of being loose, it came out!

Why does everything happen at bedtime?

While Todd bathed and fed Lola, Lucas and I wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy, I snapped a couple of terrible photos and then read him two books because even though it was well after his bedtime, he can’t go to bed without a story. I was trying to keep calm and not think about all the rushing around I would soon be engaging.

Once Lucas was safely asleep, I was scouring Pinterest for ideas, drafting a letter from the Tooth Fairy, asking about the going rate for baby teeth on Twitter, dragging out the printer, painting a $10 bill with glitter, drying it with a hairdryer and destroying any evidence. All at 11:00 at night.

Oy, the lengths we go to, right?

Neither of us had a $5 bill and Todd actually offered to go out and make change but we decided that was where we draw the line.

My advice to parents of new five-year-olds about to lose teeth, get your shit together early. You can thank me later!

Last Day Of Preschool

Posted on July 19, 2014 Written by Tonya

Yesterday was Lucas’s last day at the preschool he has attended for three years. We tucked a love note in his lunchbox and shared cookies and snacks to celebrate with his classmates, who had all signed an adorable farewell card for him. He brought home the name tag that has been affixed to his tiny desk since January and his personalized pencil box.

He was fine yesterday but the day before he was very emotional about not seeing his friends again. As soon as he saw me, he burst into tears. Having moved around a lot as a child, I could completely empathize. I assured him that we would keep in touch and he could see his friends as often as he wanted, in fact I wrote a note for one of the mothers right then and there to prove I meant it. She has already called and a play date has been scheduled for next week!

He has come along way, our little boy. I often wonder if we sent him to school too early; he was barely two-years-old, not even potty trained. It was only two mornings (9:00-12:00) a week to start and then three and then three full days (9:00-3:00) and then four full days.

Lucas has had three teachers and been in two classrooms at the small Montessori school. They have taught him a lot and I am grateful to his teachers and the staff for their dedication and for making his first educational experience so positive.

He has outgrown the small school now and will be attending a much bigger private school in September, where there will be new things to learn and many friends to make. We are very excited about this milestone.

And if you are getting sick of my OMG-my-son-is-a-Kindergartener posts yet, I’m sorry. They will continue throughout the summer and probably all next school year.

Slacker

Posted on June 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

I’m such a slacker! I can’t believe I only blogged twice this whole month. And it was a very eventful month; between celebrating my turning 42 this week (I had every intention of sharing my anti-Bucket List), Charlie Pasta turning 2 (I’m still fuming over the fact that he pulled a $35 tri-tip off the counter my husband had just barbequed for a dinner party last week), Lucas turning 5 (!), his graduating from preschool, having several lines in his first school play, enjoying not one but two family staycations, plus a girl’s trip to Las Vegas, Father’s Day, Lola’s first time in a pool, and a host of other milestones, activities, ups and downs. It’s definitely summer and we are definitely busy having fun and living.

I was recently asked what my plans were with my blog and sadly, I didn’t have a response at the time. Letters For Lucas has taken a back seat to all the fun and the sweet long awaited addition of Lola and although I am 100% okay with that, I have vowed to share more, write more and spend more time here because I love my little space on the Internet and writing is good for my soul.

Next up is Fourth of July in Santa Barbara, BlogHer, an exciting mother/son trip and I am determined to finish writing Lola’s birth story, so please stay tuned!

Special

Posted on June 6, 2014 Written by Tonya

When you are a child, birthdays are magical and it’s important to acknowledge that and make them feel out of this world special. That has been my sole goal with my little birthday boy.

We have been preparing all week for Lucas’s birthday. Really, for the last month. From making decisions about what kind of party he wants to the guest list and menu and of course, his wish list. Plus, there’s all the behind the scenes activities like ordering cake toppers and favors from Amazon and praying that everything arrives on time!

He appeared in our bedroom doorway just after 6 o’clock this morning.

I saw the balloons in my room and on the stairs and followed them. There are presents! Can we open them?

We celebrated this morning and left him at preschool with snacks and cookies for his class (the store bought chocked full of preservatives kind, his choice!) and tonight we will go to one of his favorite restaurants for dinner. It’s either going to be Red Robin or The Old Spaghetti Factory. At Red Robin we will play I Spy and at The Old Spaghetti Factory he’ll insist on sitting in the trolley. Either place, he’ll order pasta.

He must have thanked us half a dozen times for the gifts he received this morning. I love that!

Do I sound older? Do I look older? I don’t feel older.

On Sunday there will be a party at a popular bounce house place where Lucas and 25 of his “closest” friends will take over. Pizza and cake (that I have yet to make) will be served.

Family from out of town is coming to visit and there will be more sweets and more presents and hopefully this will be a birthday celebration that Lucas will always remember. And above all, I hope he feels special and so very loved.

We marvel over our five year old!

Before Turning Five

Posted on May 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have been feeling nostalgic, extremely proud, a little sad and slightly offended by the passing of time lately. A week from today my son, my firstborn and the one who made me a mama will be turning five. Five!!

Lucas is an awesome kid with a silly sense of humor and an undying curiosity, two traits I hope he always possesses. He’s also a sweet sensitive little boy and is learning how to be more independent and how to take no for an answer.

My son had a banner year and I couldn’t possibly list all of his accomplishments (yes, this is going to be one of those posts) but I would like to share a few that stand out for me. In no particular order:

As a family we survived a nine month stint in a tiny two bedroom apartment while we searched for a house and while he mirrored my frustration with our living situation, Lucas really made the best of it and out of all of us was the most adaptable. He also served as an active participant in our home search and shared his desire for a backyard and missing his trampoline and a dedicated play area. He was patient and understanding through our moves.

Twice this year Lucas has gone through his toys and allowed us to either set some things aside for his little sister to play with someday or give items to goodwill. This is not an easy feat for children but he did it with ease and graciousness.

I will always remember this as the year Lucas went from being obsessed with Cars to being obsessed with Star Wars. We are currently up to our eyeballs in Jedi, droids and intergalactic battles. Enough said.

In January, Lucas was moved into the upper Pre-K class at his current preschool and in March was accepted into a local prestigious private school where he will begin kindergarten this fall. He was one of only 17 students out of 70 accepted! We are excited about next school year and all the new things Lucas will be exposed to.

One of Lucas and his dad’s favorite things to do together is go skateboarding and over the last year, Lucas has become proficient at it! He practices safety and caution while at the same time pushing himself and being daring in spite of a few skinned knees and elbows.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we hosted Lucas’s first sleep over and it was fun, but also a tiny glimpse into our future of being cast aside in favor of being with friends.

Just yesterday, Lucas earned a yellow belt in karate, a sport he’s only been participating in since mid-January. He’d been practicing for days, worked with a friend and his sensi to perfect the series of moves and announced on the way to class that he was ready to test. He said advancing to the next level was something that he wanted to do before turning five and he did it!

One of Lucas’s biggest accomplishments this year was becoming a big brother, a role that he seemed born to have. At only four months old, Lola idolizes him and has since the very first moment they met and he is completely enamored by her. Watching their relationship grow and develop and seeing Lucas’s nurturing side has been one of my greatest joys. I knew it would be!

Being a good sibling and working hard towards something he wants were major themes for this year and prompted a lot of discussions about what being a good role model means. I’m happy to be this amazing boy’s mom and he delights and surprises me daily. I can’t wait to see what five has in store for us.

Next up? In his words, “mastering the art of tying my shoes!”.

Lucas, my sweet boy, you have all the time in the world for that. Enjoy your last week of being four. I love you.

Be Here

Posted on January 28, 2014 Written by Tonya

I study photographs of him and will them to come to life.

Just one more conversation.

Meet my son.

Put your hand on my belly and feel your granddaughter.

Share a beer and a laugh with your son-in-law.

Be here.

My father would have been 67 today.

I can’t believe he (and my mother) have been gone almost seven years.

Does it ever really sink in?

Does the hurt ever stop?

Michael Stephen Adams 1947-2007

Baby girl is due tomorrow but could have been delivered today.

It was almost a guarantee.

For over a week she was breech and my OB was trying to talk me into having an ECV (External Cephalic Version), a procedure done at the hospital where she and a nurse manually (from the outside) try to flip the baby. My OB said the procedure is only successful half the time and the other half leads to labor, hence the reason it’s done at hospital. It can be very painful and must be done within the 37 and 38th weeks of pregnancy.

I opted not to have the procedure and instead sought help from a chiropractor trained in the Webster technique, involving assessing and correcting any misalignments in the pelvic and low back area helping to keep the ligaments and muscles, which support the uterus, relaxed. I also saw my acupuncturist and performed yoga type movements twice a day and used visualization to move her on my own.

Just to be safe, however, my OB wanted me to schedule a C-section. The VERY last way I wanted to deliver this baby (you can read about my birth plan here)!!

When discussing dates, she said the earliest she could do one would be January 28. I was taken aback to say the least. Knowing my due date is January 29, I always known that it was a possibility that my father and daughter could share a birthday, but I really wanted her to have her own special day. When my OB came up with the date solely based on surgery room availability and her own personal schedule and knowing nothing about the significance to my family, I thought it might be meant to be. My father was my hero and I miss him every day and what better way to pay homage to him than having his granddaughter on his birthday.

A week after making the appointment, baby girl flipped and has been head down ever since! I am equal parts relieved and melancholy. The day is still young, so anything can happen, but with the 7:45 AM C-section canceled, I can’t help but be curious to see if she will choose today to be here.

Kindergarten Is Big Time

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