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You Know You’re A Blogger When…

Posted on September 23, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve been at this blogging thing for over four years, sharing the ups and downs of my life and opinions about things, working through the crazy thoughts that go on inside my head, asking for advice and getting to know some you very well and I’ve come to learn a few things about myself and being a blogger….

And it occurred to me that there is no such thing as blogging. There is no such thing as a blogger. Blogging is just writing — writing using a particularly efficient type of publishing technology. – Simon Dumenco

Your best ideas come to you while you’re in the shower.

You dream in blog posts.

Every situation, conversation, event, book, movie and recipe should be considered blog post material or the launch pad for blog post material.

You have sat in your car (with it running) for over an hour “writing” a blog post on your smart phone.

I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume. – Michael Arrington

You get twitchy when you haven’t posted anything in over a week.

You know it’s a good post when you are scared as hell to hit publish.

The posts you feel the best about, agonize the most over, edit and re-edit will warrant the fewest readers/comments/shares.

The posts you threw together in under half an hour will end up being your most popular.

The bottom line is that blogging is like sex. You can’t fake it. You can’t fake passion. You can’t fake wanting to engage with the public. If you do, it will ultimately be an unsatisfying experience for both the blogger and their readers. – Kevin Anderson

Some of your closet friends you’ve never actually met in real life.

Most of your family and friends keep up on your life via your blog, yet would never admit it. Creepers.

The search terms that bring people to your blog can make you laugh out loud or make you want to take a shower.

You have had at least one argument with your significant other about the amount of time you spend blogging and/or something you’ve shared on your blog.

A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world. – Unknown

Negative comments still hurt your feelings, no mater how thick you think your skin is or how long you’ve been blogging.

Kind comments and having people agree, support or share a similar experience with you feel like bear hugs, assure you that you are not alone and validate your feelings like nothing else in the world.

Having no Internet connection or Wi-Fi can bring you to tears.

You know the anguish of not backing up.

A blog is what all websites want to be; updated on a regular basis, containing content that is of interest to a select or target audience and is easy to update and change – Unknown

You constantly wish you had more time to write posts for your own blog and read other posts by friends.

You get headaches from staring at screens for too long.

You will take 30 photos for just one good blog worthy shot.

Family and friends have asked you nervously,”You’re not going to blog about this, are you?”.

Blogging is not rocket science, it’s about being yourself, and putting what you have into it. – Unknown

How do YOU know you’re a blogger?

Four Years & Counting…

Posted on August 29, 2013 Written by Tonya

August 27, 2009.

I had been a mother for only 82 days but had accepted that for my newborn son, being in the comfort of my arms was his favorite place to be. I was more powerful than ever before.

I was already completely head over heels with Lucas.

Although struggling, still in shock over my new role, more exhausted than I had ever experienced in my life and worried that I was doing ~~something~~ everything wrong as a parent, I was slowly getting more comfortable as each day passed.

While anticipating my son’s arrival, I had written him a letter expressing how much I loved him, was anxiously awaiting his arrival and shared some of my hopes and dreams for his life. This became my first Letters For Lucas blog entry.

While writing had never really been my thing, when I was pregnant (and even prior to that) I often poured my heart out to a couple of close friends via e-mail and found the release very therapeutic.

What ultimately pushed me to start my own blog was this new tiny person in my life. I needed an outlet, a way to keep family and friends updated on his life, an excuse for not creating a baby book in the traditional sense and I desperately wanted Lucas to know me better than I knew my own mother.

In the first year of Letters For Lucas, my posts were literally that, letters to my son. It has since grown and evolved and became a place that I truly treasure. Nowadays I only visit and share sporadically.

I am grateful for my loyal readers, your comments and personal notes mean the world to me. I hope you will continue to stay with me as I navigate through parenthood, puppyhood, preschool, grief, loss, being a big sister, secondary infertility struggles and soon baby #2!

One Year Ago

Posted on August 14, 2013 Written by Tonya

I love the old adage, “the more things change, the more they stay the same” because in life there are many, many things that should never change.

For example and just to name a few: my favorite bagel shop should never under any circumstances stop making their scrumptious cinnamon sugar bagels because even though I don’t indulge in one very often, I love just knowing they are there and they smell insane.

I believe champagne should always be popped when there’s something fabulous to celebrate and even when there’s not.

I think goofy games should always be played at baby showers no matter how much the guests and typically the guest of honor bitch about them.

Sesame Street should never go off the air, even though my son has never been a fan.

I especially hope my husband never ceases to make me laugh and my son always prefers to sit next to me instead of across form me when we are at a restaurant.

Dependability is nice, tradition is comforting, being surrounded by people and things you can trust and count on is very good and support and unconditional love is priceless, but looking back just one year ago, almost everything in my life is different, some WAY better, some WAY worse.

Exactly one year ago today I posted Letter to my Blogging Buddies by Alison of Writing, Wishing as part of my weekly series, Letters For You, I was desperately in love with and getting to know our new puppy, Charlie Pasta, I was trying to find the good in myself and making lists. I wasn’t sharing much else.

Only six of the 11 posts I published last August were mine, all the others were guest posts. So far this month, I’ve written nine posts, including this one so I’m sharing more, which can only be healthy for my psyche.

I think.

Since August, 2012, we have moved and are now living ~~miserably~~ uncomfortably in a teeny tiny apartment as we search for our dream house and I’m still getting to know our dog, who turns out is A LOT more work than my four year old and I regret getting almost daily.

Charlie Pasta and I are NOT in a good place these days, although as he sleeps peacefully at my feet as I type this, I realize I really do love him.

How has your life changed in the last year?

And what are some things you hope never change? I asked this on Twitter the other day and all I heard was crickets, so won’t you please indulge me?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #3. What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?

A Proud Mommy Moment

Posted on July 15, 2013 Written by Tonya

First of all, allow me to clear away the cobwebs and spray a little Endust. It has been nearly three weeks since I last blogged, the longest unintentional break I’ve ever taken. I have to say I liked it.

A lot!

What have I been up to?

I turned 41, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the sun, at the beach and pool with my family and friends, riding my beach cruiser while wrangling my dog and trying to keep up with Lucas on his scooter and reading! I am completely devouring the Veronica Roth Divergent series and counting down the days until the third installment comes out. Anyone else hooked? Speaking of being hooked, I have also discovered Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don’t ask!

Plus, I honestly haven’t felt like writing or sharing even though there is never a loss for subject matter and my head is buzzing with post ideas. I suppose I’ve been a bit lazy too. Blogging is hard work and those of you that pump out material on a daily basis, my hat is off to you now and forever. I truly don’t know how you do it.

At any rate, while my blog posts may be sporadic, I am not quitting, just enjoying life.

I recently had one of those “I’m so proud to be this boy’s mother moments” and wanted to document it.

I took Lucas to the park after school one day last week and I neglected to grab his scooter or helmet. I knew that there may be hell to pay. While he enjoys being pushed on the swings, playing in the sand, climbing on the monkey bars and sliding down poles, he really loves riding his scooter most of all and no park outing is complete with it.

As suspected, he complained at first but was overall okay with Mommy’s mistake.

Leave it to Lucas to notice a lone PlasmaCar. He inched his way towards it and promptly got on and zoomed away. I chased after him and told him that it probably belonged to another child at the park and he’d have to return it when asked. It took exactly three minutes before a little boy about his Lucas’ age came over and exclaimed, “Hey, that’s mine!”. Lucas gave it up without a fight and then proceeded to sulk around the park.

Next thing you know the PlasmaCar is available again and Lucas gives me that look and I give him one in return and tell him that he better ask the boy if he can ride it. “No, you, Mommy!!” he whined.

I give him a three sentence script, a kiss for luck, hang back a little and watch and wait. He runs back to me twice without having said anything to the little boy but getting closer to him each time.

I know this is a huge undertaking for a four-year-old and I know he’s nervous. But I also know he wants to rides that PlasmaCar and I am confident that he can do this. I keep encouraging him and ask him what’s the worst that can happen? The boy says no and that’s it. You’ll say, “Thank you, anyway.” and move on. I’m trying to teach him self confidence and social skills and it worked.

On his third or fifth attempt, he is talking to the boy and seconds later, he rushes over to me with the biggest smile on his face.

“He said yes!!”

Because their conversation was very short, I did double check with the boy and indeed, he had said yes!

Proud son, proud Mommy!

Sometimes all you have to do is ask.

The Cursor

Posted on March 24, 2013 Written by Tonya

The cursor waits patiently.

There is a stark white canvas in front of me, mine for the taking.

The glow of the screen is unforgiving as it lights up my face.

The gentle hum of the laptop is the only audible sound apart from my occasional heavy sighs.

I’m longing to hear furious keystrokes.

I want to spin tales of new self discoveries, my grief and healing process, the latest in our journey to add to our family and my most recent motherhood mishaps and joys.

The warmth on my knees feels strangely comforting but I am getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

The cursor blinks incessantly.

My head is full, my thoughts on complete overdrive.

So many ideas and feelings swirling around my brain.

I know I need to write.

Purge.

Get it all out.

Process.

But I am frozen unable to hit the keys.

The words are there, but I’m struggling with how to string them together.

Just start I say aloud.

The cursor mocks me.

It’s been too long.

I am out of practice.

I don’t think I have written anything substantial in a while.

It’s time.

I’ve experienced writer’s block and blog burnout before and I’ve taken breaks, but this feels different. I’m uninspired and frankly, lazy. There’s a word. I haven’t felt up to doing much of anything lately. Especially writing.

I know the cursor will be there when I’m ready.

Listen To Your Mother

Posted on March 8, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve been sharing my words on Letters For Lucas for four years this coming August.

I started freelancing over a year ago.

I have had my own column since January.

And yet, I’m still finding my voice and navigating through my emotions to find out who I am and don’t yet consider myself a writer in the truest sense, but I do have a story to tell.

A month ago today, I submitted a very personal piece of my writing to Listen To Your Mother, the national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother’s Day.

I was honored to be asked to audition.

A week ago, I read my submission.

It’s one thing to have a blog and publish posts that only a handful of people read and comment on, it’s another thing entirely to read your words out loud. To truly own them and give them life and emphasis. During my audition, I was focused but I shook the whole time. My voice trembled but I walked out feeling confident and relieved.

Today, I learned I have been cast!

I can’t describe how excited I am about this opportunity. I haven’t had a lot of good news in life lately and this has come at the perfect time. I’m already feeling more inspired to share my story and be moved by those of my fellow Sacramento cast members.

I am thoroughly looking forward to the next few weeks; the rehearsals leading up to the show, meeting new people, embracing this fresh flow of creativity, stepping out of my comfort zone, being a part of something bigger than me and having my very own Listen To Your Mother experience.

Yes, I Blog. Yes, It’s A Real Job

Posted on February 27, 2013 Written by Tonya

Nicole of Moments That Define Life is my guest today. Nicole is a busy mommy to three little girls, works to support several blogs and is also the brains (and beauty) behind #ShareYourLife, a weekly meme where readers linkup posts sharing glimpses of their lives.

Nicole is here today with an important letter to all of those who don’t blog.

Because if you’re blogger, you get it.

Dear Ladies,

That’s what I’ll refer to you as because I’m not certain we’re actually the friends I thought we had become through our monthly game night based on the conversation we engaged in recently.

I’m a little put off by the fact that you seem to think what I do for a living couldn’t possibly be a “real job” or that I make any sort of living at it. Or better yet, that I may possibly be lying about the fact that blogging can actually result in a viable income.

Blogging is my job.

I get to interact with lovely people who write inspiring; informative, sometimes controversial, yet insightful pieces to share with people who want to connect and learn from others.

I worked my way up through experiences to find my little “office” in the blogosphere where I get to spend my days and I am so fortunate.

Each and everyday I get to help moms work from home (Sorry Marissa Mayer, working from home actually is a good business plan) and still have the flexibility to be present and available for their families as needed. This is the American dream for many and I get to take part in making that happen for others as well as myself.

I’m a Blogger. I coordinate blogs. I write and edit blogs. I live, breath, eat, and sleep blogs.

Blogging is my job.

So when you two ladies gave each other that “yeah, right” glance as I shared how my new job was going with another good friend – it would have been nice to get the benefit of the doubt about what I do each day.

Sure it wasn’t that long ago that blogging wasn’t a viable profession, but, if you had given me the benefit of the doubt and a few minutes you would have learned how very much it has evolved into something that allows so many to have a voice while also allowing the potential for a career if they so choose. So, stop being so close-minded about the whole thing. Be a friend, see my passion, and engage in the conversation to find out why I love blogging and the people within this space so much, instead of assuming I’m full of it.

That’s what a good friend would do.

Best,
Nicole

Follow Nicole on Facebook and Twitter.

This Time It’s Personal

Posted on August 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

My posts have been sparse and a little on the light side lately. I’ve experienced blog burn out before and taken blogging breaks. I’ve even experienced writer’s block, but this is different.

This time it’s personal.

Where have I been you ask?

I promised myself to take some of the pressure off during the month of August.

I told myself I needed focus on something other than my (in)fertility, medications, hormone levels, doctor’s appointments and marking days on the calendar.

I wanted wear little to no make-up, let my hair dry naturally, throw on a baseball cap and s l o w down, get back in touch with myself and my family and friends and just be for a while.

Relaxing is so hard for me and like many of you, I struggle with being present, being truly in the moment and realizing that so much of what I actually need is in the simple things; a wag of a new puppy’s tail, my son’s face lighting up as he gets the last puzzle piece to fit, the satisfying feeling of sweat dripping down my back, belly laughs and good cries.

So far I’m pleased with my progress…

My husband and I celebrated our five year anniversary by spending the weekend in San Francisco. We rented Segways, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge and enjoyed some fabulous dinners. A big huge thank you to my in-laws for keeping Lucas while we did so.

We’ve been having fun getting acquainted with our new puppy, Charlie Pasta!

I’ve been living deadline free, having quit my freelance job the end of July.

I took Lucas on a trip to Santa Barbara to visit with high school friends, a couple I hadn’t seen in a dozen years. We picked up right where we left off, which is the great thing about old friendships!

This trip also marked my first time taking Lucas in a pool by myself. It was challenging at first, but a huge success. He is such a fish and we had a blast!

I have been staying up too late to read rather than play on my phone or struggle to pump out a blog post and after a mandatory three month hiatus, I have picked up my hot yoga classes again.

I’m spending more time outside and soaking up what is left of summer. There have been trips to the library in search of books about dinosaurs, many rounds of Go Fish, lots of pretend play, several hours logged in front of the TV watching the XXX Summer Games and Scooby Doo, countless walks around the neighborhood with our new furry friend and last week I was able to spend three glorious hours at the Getty Center by MYSELF.

All I have wanted to do is spend time with my sweet family, practice living in the moment and keep cool! I hope you are doing much of the same.

I’ll be back soon.

When was the last time you took a blogging break? I highly recommend it!

Incidentally, today marks my third year blogging. Ironic, no?

Letter To My Blogging Buddies

Posted on August 14, 2012 Written by Tonya

When I think about Alison, I rarely recall that she lives a world away in Malaysia. Instead, I think of her good nature, amazing support (she is usually the very first comment I revive on any given blog post) and beautiful words that I never miss on her newly revamped, Writing, Wishing.

Although I hope to someday, I’ve never Alison in real life and yet I consider her a friend.

And I know I’m not alone.

That’s the beauty of technology, the Internet and the blogging community.

I am proud to have Alison here today sharing a heartfelt letter to all her friends in the computer. 🙂

“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?”

― Kahlil Gibran

My dearest blogging buddies,

I’m writing this letter to you today to thank you.

To thank you for being a friend. Not just any friend, not just an online friend, but a true friend.

People who don’t blog or participate in any form of social media will never understand the depth of friendships that develop over keystrokes and this screen which separates us (okay, oceans that separate us).

You were there for me through my second pregnancy, where I battled anxiety over whether I could handle two children.

You assured me that I can do this.

You were there for me through the times when I thought I’d lose it in the midst of the terrible twos with my toddler.

You told me that I was doing great, doing my best and that I’d get through it.

You were there for me when I was going through a blogging burnout.

You had my back, said you’ll wait for me to get my groove back, and you did.

You were there for me to celebrate the birth of my second son.

Your many tweets, messages, emails, comments buoyed me through the first hard month of adjusting to a new routine.

You were there for me when I questioned my writing, my blog presence.

You supported me through it all by continuing to read my words, to share yours with me.

My friends, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

Now, I hope you do.

Love,
Your faraway, but true friend, Alison

Tonya, thank you for asking me to be here today. Know that this letter, is for you too. xo

Follow Alison on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

Cantankerous Again

Posted on July 24, 2012 Written by Tonya

I promise to update you on my BS saga soon, but today I am happy to welcome Carri of Carri Ellen Brown: Snarky Suburban Mom with a Country Heart, (although she may be better known as co-creator of One Martini at a Time) here today.

I haven’t met Carri in real life yet, but I know without a doubt she will be able to drink me under the table and that I’ll have a blast trying to keep up.

Carri isn’t just a good time girl, she also has a big heart and I will always be grateful to her for reaching out to me last fall to share stories of how she believes her son senses his grandfather’s spirit. Thank you, Carri.

I think anyone who blogs for any length of time can completely identify with her letter.

I want to say I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for abandoning you.

I’m sorry for being so hot and cold.

And I’m sorry that I just don’t find myself needing you like I used to.

You’ve always been such a good friend to me but I’m fickle. I’m impatient. I’m indecisive. I want the world and even though you gave me all that you had, it wasn’t good enough for me.

I turned my back on you and you never saw it coming.

It’s not you.

It’s my job. My son. My husband. Pinterest. And all of the other things that demand my constant attention.

You were pushed aside like yesterday’s news and I’m sorry for that.

Remember when we couldn’t wait to see each other? Remember how I’d tell you all of my secrets without fear of you judging me?

I really did tell you everything. You gave me the strength to face what life gave me and share it with others. That’s something I was never able to do before.

You were always so good to me.

You helped me through so much and introduced me to some of the most amazingly brilliant women. Together, we worked through my bouts of depression, anxiety, PPD and mommy issues. You watched me drastically change – from a scared, angry and anxious new mom to a confident, stable and happy one.

I’m forever grateful for our time together.

I hope we see each other again. I hope we can rekindle what we once had because I do cherish those moments.

But right now, I just don’t have it in me.

For the first time in a long time, I’m content and I have nothing to say.

Hang tight, my dear blog. It’s only a matter of time before I’m cantankerous again.

xoxo,
Carri

Follow Carri on Twitter and Pinterest.

You Know You’re A Blogger When…

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