Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

Be Here

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I usually leave the letter writing to you around here, but from time to time, I just have to address someone. This is one of those times. 

Dear Mom at the park,

We’ve never met.

I don’t know you.

I don’t pretend to have any idea what kind of life or even day you have had or what may be running through your head at this very moment, but I know that we all have stuff, heavy stuff and life is full of distractions.

I’ll be the first to admit that being a mom is really tough sometimes.

I know I’m out of place and you can tell me to go straight to hell, but I couldn’t help noticing your complete disinterest in your child as he desperately tried to get your attention today at the park.

Do you hear him?

Mom, watch this.

Mom, push me.

Mom, let’s build something.

Mom, help me.

Mom, will you chase me?

Mom?

Mom?!

MOM!

Everyone else at the park does.

Please get off your phone and pay attention to your boy.

Incidentally, that scream came from your son who just face planted into the hot rough sand. He needs you.

That incessant plea to be pushed on the swing is coming from your son.

Put your coffee aside and help your little boy get down from the monkey bars. He wants you.

He wants to spend time with you!

It’s not my job to tell your kid that throwing sand is not okay, not to mention barging in front of children half his age. Coming to the park is suppose to be fun for all of us. Sure it’s a drag when there are dozens of places we would rather be, but we are here so let’s make the best of it.

Be here.

Besides, would it kill you to engage with your child? Couldn’t you block the world out and chase him around in the grass for a few minutes? Why not take a load off and lay on your backs and count the clouds in sky? Build a magnificent sand castle? Slide down the slide together?

Do something.

Anything.

Laugh. Smile. Love.

It’s one afternoon, one hour, if that and I’m sure there will be no lasting effects, but childhood goes by way too fast and before you know it, an afternoon turns into a week and weeks become months and so on. I don’t want you to miss it.

Sincerely,

Someone who has been there.

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Golden Slumbers

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Do you know how many times we check on you after you fall asleep at night?

We carefully tip-toe into your bedroom, breathe in your scent, make sure you are tucked in and that the temperature is just right.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

 We reposition and adjust your small body and limbs for your maximum comfort and safety.

We locate your lovey and place it gently in your arms, where it can easily be found if needed.

Golden slumbers, fill your eyes. Smiles await you when you rise.

We tenderly reassure you, “Mommy and Daddy love you so much” and give you kisses.

We put toys and books back in their places and pick up little socks from the floor.

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby.

We make silent wishes that your sleep is sound and your dreams are sweet.

Between the time when you go to bed and we go to bed, there are at least three visits. Maybe more. Sometimes you stir, but usually not. Sometimes there are complete, yet sleepy incoherent conversations.

No matter how trying the day was, or what struggles we endured during dinner and bath time, your peaceful face is the last thing we long to see each night before we close our own eyes.

Once there was a way to get back homeward. Once there was a way to get back home.

We quietly leave your room knowing how blessed we are and gladly leave another piece of our hearts warm and safe with you.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

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A Hundred Hearts

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Lucas is 2 1/2 years old today and they were right. I was warned. Everyone that said it goes by fast. By it, of course, I mean childhood…. mine, yours and especially our children’s.

One minute it was just Todd and I and the next we became a family by bringing home our newborn son. Fast forward in lightening speed time, we began celebrating all of his amazing milestones and he soon turned one and then two and now attends preschool, sleeps in a twin bed, lives on macaroni ‘n cheese and has begun asking us all sorts of inquisitive questions about the world around him.

Right before our eyes Lucas has turned into a little person… a wonderful, thoughtful, strong-willed, energetic little person.

I constantly search for the pause button and desperately try my best to stay present so that I don’t miss a moment of his childhood.

I want to remember these days of sweet innocence and discovery forever.

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
– Author Unknown

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) Memories Captured.


The photo above was created using picnik.

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Dinner & Song

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I don’t think this needs any introduction and I hope it makes you smile.

You can check out my sweet boy singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star here.

Lucas and I (and aunt Leah) are off to Dallas to visit my aunt and uncle, have a great weekend, everyone!

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My Heart

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We only have one bathtub in our house and it’s in the master bathroom.

After Lucas has a bath, his favorite thing to do is rush out of the bathroom completely naked and dripping wet and jump and “wrestle in bed”, as he calls it with his dad.

The roughhousing turns into a game of struggling to get Lucas’ pajamas on.

It’s good physical fun for Lucas and great bonding time for both of them, so I usually stay away.

They twist and turn and roll all over the big king-sized bed, pillows are tossed on the floor and laughter can be heard throughout the house. It’s one of my favorite times of the day.

Having no fear or concept of how much his propelling onto his dad’s back may hurt, Todd recently tried to explain to Lucas that he is just a person; a body, made up of water, blood, tissue and bones. Overhearing this from the bathroom, I popped out and asked Lucas what he thought was in his body.

His reply without skipping a beat: “my heart”.

I may have cried a little.

Lucas and his friend, Jackson on Saturday night. Isn't the turquoise water so fun? Thanks to Jackson's mommy, we've discovered Sesame Street Fizzy Tub Color Tablets!

 

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Lesson Plans

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My son has already taught me so much in his short 26 months on earth; lessons I didn’t even realize I had learned until after the fact, some I desperately needed to learn and many I’m still struggling to embrace. I know my teacher has only just begun and there is much more wisdom to be gained, but in 26 months, here’s what I’ve learned so far:  

  1. Play, dance, sing, run, eat – essentially, do everything with abandon! 
  2. Find pleasure in the small things. There is wonder all around us, whether it’s an ant moving along the sidewalk, a water fountain, an orange tree, a song I’ve heard a hundred times or literally stopping to smell the roses. 
  3. Playtime and imagination are necessary for survival. Laundry, dishes and errands can wait, being silly cannot.
  4. Love. As boundless as I think my love for Lucas is, it grows each and every day surprising and touching me in ways I never thought possible.
  5. Roll with the punches, go with the flow and realize that plans change. Toddler time is different that real time and that’s okay. I’m learning to plan accordingly.
  6. Laugh more. Some words and sounds (typically of the bodily function variety) are funny.
  7. Patience is most definitely a virtue. This is one of those teachings I struggle with. Daily!
  8. Connection is key. Sitting down and communicating with others helps to see things from a different perspective and lets you know they care.
  9. Time flies when you’re having fun. Toddlers are only toddlers for a short period of time and every single moment should be appreciated.
  10. Every now and then, a time-out is in order. Breaks are good. Counting to 10, breathing deeply and full bodied Cabernets aren’t bad either!

What is your child teaching you?

 This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop,
Prompt 4.) 10 Lessons your child could teach you.

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Be Still My Heart

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With his fingers firmly pressed into the back of my arm, Todd urged me to move toward the exit. “Say goodbye and let’s go,” he said forcefully.

He was right.

“Bye, Lucas. Mommy loves you and I’ll be back to get you very soon.”

“Bye, Mommy,” was all I got in return as he scurried around the playground.

Don’t linger, I kept repeating in my head all morning. Don’t make it hard on him. Wait until you get back to the car to cry.

And cry I did.

For him.

For us.

But mostly, for me.

My little boy is in school!

I kept my phone close to me on vibrate and with the ringer turned up to the maximum volume for the three hours we were apart, fully expecting a call from the school begging me to come pick up my son because he missed me so much.

Alas, the phone didn’t ring.

Not once.

When I arrived 15 minutes before I was due, I saw my little boy sitting contently in the lap of the teacher’s aid. Feelings of guilt, relief, surprise and happiness washed over me.

He was fine.

He did it!

We both did.

We made through Day 1.

As soon as he saw me, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he rushed over to me, careful not to step on any of the napping bodies that covered the floor. And then all I felt was grateful. Grateful that I was able to bring him home and not have to keep him there the rest of the day like so many other working mothers have to. What a sight for sore eyes.

I know I kissed and hugged him a little more than usual that day, so proud of him. So full of love.

I missed Day 2 because I was at BlogHer, but I heard Lucas did equally as well.

This week has been a bit harder and there have been some tears, requests for Mommy and his lovey, which his teacher says is normal for week 2. Today he asked if he could take his lovey tomorrow “…to have in his cubby”, just in case. I think that can be arranged.

We are all getting used to a new schedule, time apart and having a student in the house. One thing I won’t have any trouble getting used to are the art projects my little buddy hands me with so much pride in his eyes.

Ah, be still my heart:

Lucas' first piece of school artwork.

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The Fun Has Just Begun

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In the beginning, it was diapers, sleepless nights, onesies, bottles and burp cloths, but in just a few short months, Lucas started crawling and then soon after that, walking and is now talking and communicating with me like I never thought he would and I realize that the fun has only just begun.

I am blowing bubbles and playing chase in the backyard, squishing Play-Doh between my fingers and picking up puzzle pieces from all over the house.
I am taking more photos than I ever have before and making memories to last a lifetime on trips to grandma and grandpa’s, the zoo, beach and amusement parks.

I am drawing with sidewalk chalk, crayons and finger paints, playing on park swings, slides and monkey bars, getting drenched at water fountains at the mall and during bath time.

I am planning play dates, packing lunches, snacks and sippy cups and making sure my iPhone is fully charged and is loaded with plenty of kid friendly material.

I’m laughing through family dinners because I’m getting covered in spaghetti sauce, apple juice and yogurt. I’m squishing grapes and pretending to feed choo choo trains.
I am teaching letters, numbers, colors, body parts, manners, patience and more.

I am revisiting the simple joy of Disney movies, Dr. Seuss at story time, pretend and hide-and-seek.

I am kissing boo-boos better, nursing colds, attempting time outs and trying to keep my own temper tantrums in check.

I’m learning to slow down, follow bugs, stop and smell the flowers and delight in the wind.

I’m looking at world in a whole new way….

…through the eyes of my son.

 This post was featured on Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster, in her weekly feature, Monster Likes #8 on Saturday, February 26, 2011.

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Laughter In The Backyard

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My sister is so good with Lucas and their relationship is simply endearing to witness.

Lucas’ face lights up whenever we speak of aunt Leah and her visits are always too short.

Leah recently spent five days helping me out while Todd was away on a business trip and I could swear there was more laughter in (and out of) the house.

We have been blessed with some gorgeous sunny winter weather, allowing for some fun in the backyard. Lucas calls it his “park” and since he can’t yet be out there on his own, one or both of us are always out there with him.

On Saturday morning, Leah and I were both lounging on the chaises watching Lucas run around the yard having a great time, when all of a sudden he was sort of over it and wanted to go back inside. Leah and I, on the other hand were enjoying soaking in the sun, not quite ready to start the day and both wanted to stay put.

Leah bounced up and started chasing Lucas around the yard and then he’d turn around and chase her. This is a game Lucas loves and he and I play it often. Leah’s twist on the game was every time she “caught” him, she tackled him to the ground and tickled him.

His laughter was divine. It’s moments like this that make me hope my son and my sister always remain as close as they are today.

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Simple Moments

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Moving isn’t easy.

It was not made for the faint of heart, the unorganized, the patient-less, meant to take on during the holidays or the parents of a toddler.

What were we thinking?

As I pack, he unpacks.

As I make piles, he reorganizes them.

As I build boxes, he climbs in them.A few ago, our friends sent us a change of address notice and used a similar trio of photos of their daughter popping out of a box and I loved it so much that it is still on our refrigerator (well, it was until I packed it the other day). This was my attempt at duplicating that.

This holiday, try to enjoy the simple moments, the silly moments, the moments you know you’ll never get back and each and every photo opportunity. I am!

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #1: Simple

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