parenthood

The House That Built Me

Posted on December 13, 2010 Written by Tonya

I love this house and I will miss it.

Today is moving day and I am excited, exhausted, nostalgic and sad.

Walking downstairs this morning, it hit me: last night was my last night here.

No matter how frustrated I have become with this house in the last few months due to its lack of space for Lucas, it’s cold, hard slat floors, it’s barely large enough to turn around in kitchen and it’s distance from good friends and family, we have spent four wonderful years here.

I was proposed to in the dining room.

I became a wife in the backyard.

I saw my parents for the last time in the living room.

I’ve enjoyed meals prepared by my husband, lots of takeout and countless bowls of cereal from the bar in the kitchen.

I’ve walked hundreds of miles on the treadmill in the office.

With my husband by my side, I have cried myself to sleep out of immeasurable grief within the safety and comfort of our bedroom.

We became parents in this house as we paced the floors comforting, soothing and getting to know our newborn.

We turned the upstairs guest room into a nursery and have read, sang and fed our son in the rocking chair in his room night after night for the past 18 months.

We’ve watched hours of mindless television catching up and trying to decompress from our busy days in our family room.

We’ve played “choo choo” and cars in every. single. room.

We have walked to and from the mailbox in hopes of running onto our neighbor’s cat, or better yet, one of our great neighbors.

We’ve hollered at one another at the top or bottom of the stairs, tripped on items that needed to go one way or the other and met each other halfway.

We’ve entertained family, celebrated birthdays and made new friends on our patio and watched a beautiful olive tree grow and bloom in the side yard.

I will carry with me all the warm memories this home has provided and hope that it’s new residents will treat it well.

I love this house and I will miss it.

Here’s to the next chapter…

This post was featured on the BlogHer Home page, in the featured members section on January 5, 2011.

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Head Over Heels

Posted on December 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

When just the mere mention of his name makes my heart melt and beat a little faster.

When that first recognition of my existence made me feel like I could do anything.

When he reaches for me, it’s as though I’m the only person in the world.

When he smiles at me and it is so sweet and tender, it makes me want to cry.

It’s a want it, need it, gotta have it feeling that I’ve never felt before.

It’s that kind of love.

Sure, I’ve loved before; the comfort of my own bed, a perfectly worn in pair of jeans, a Dave Matthews song I’ve heard a thousand times before that will never lose it’s impact on me, the scent of my grandmother’s perfume that enveloped me every time I entered her house and my best friend, because she’s everything I’m not and can make me laugh like no one else on earth.

But, I’ve never loved or been loved like this before.

So intensely.

So completely.

So unconditionally.

He is a part of me and no matter what, he always will be.

The love I have for my son’s father is deep and passionate and it’s because of the love we share that I have this precious child at all, but it’s a different kind of love.

There is nothing like the love a mother has for her son.

This is my first attempt at The Red Dress Club’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This weeks prompt is: Write a short first-person story about your first love, or write a short fiction piece about a character’s first love.

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Newborn

Posted on November 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

I held my girlfriend’s three day old baby boy today and it reminded me of when we first had Lucas. Way back before he could walk or talk or even smile. Way back when we were still in the hospital. Those were scary and exciting days.

I remember his teeny tiny fingers and toes and glazed over eyes not yet able to see in full focus.

I remember how he would contort his chicken-like body and feeling the soft downy hair that covered it.

I remember being terrified of the delicate soft spot on his head.

I remember him suckling and having a face full of expressions he didn’t yet understand.

I remember his little bird squeaks and shutters as he tried to get comfortable in his strange new environment.

I remember trying to master the swaddle as well as breast feeding and taking turns walking and rocking and swaying and singing to him.

I remember just staring at him and thinking how amazing.

I have never loved anything more.

Congratulations, Colleen! RMG is beautiful.

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I Take It All Back

Posted on October 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

It’s humbling to recall all the things you said you’d never do when you became a mom back before you became a mom and had responsibilities or an SUV or your house looked like Babies R Us threw up all over it.

Here are just a few of mine:

I swore I’d wait until Lucas was two (just like the American Academy of Pediatrics says you are suppose to) until he was allowed to watch TV. Yeah, right! Some days, I don’t know how we survive without Elmo.
I always said I’d never feed Lucas French fries, but today it’s all he’s had because it’s all he’ll eat.
I never thought I’d ever take my child out in public wearing only his pyjamas, but it’s happened. More than once.
I didn’t want to be the parent that let their child run ammuck in a restaurant. Done that too. It was only once and it was on the patio and there was only four other diners.
I promised myself I wouldn’t use bribery to get my child to do what I wanted him to do, but you know what? It works! Even on a 16 month old.
I said I’d never let my child’s bottle/fork/spoon/sippy cup/food hit the floor without thoroughly washing it off before giving it back to him. Ever heard of the 10 second rule? I’m building his immunities.
I never wanted that lovey to leave his crib, but now that god damn thing goes everywhere with us and we have two back ups!
I always thought I could get Lucas on some sort of regimented schedule of feedings and naps. Whatever… I have given up on that!

Ah, yes, the great pronouncements we make when we think we know it all, the things that we end up having to take back. Turns out you only know it all until you actually become a parent.

One of the things I said I’d never do actually backfired on me and I’m grateful. I vowed to never give my baby a pacifier and even though we tried to force one on him, Lucas wasn’t having any part of it. Thank you, God for small favors!

What are some things you said you’d never do?

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The Happiest Toddler On The Block

Posted on September 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a huge reader. I love mysteries and suspense novels, modern day fiction, historical fiction, the classics, biographies and that wildly popular vampire series. I have also been know to read a self help book or two.

Almost the minute I found out I was pregnant, I bought what I assume every mother to be buys: What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I read it religiously throughout my pregnancy and many sections out loud to my husband. I loved the question/answer format.

I was either given a lot of other books or bombarded with recommendations on which ones I just had to read, but I stuck with What to Expect… and then signed us up for a dozen parenting classes.

Come to find out, nothing really prepares you for a newborn like having a newborn. We learned by doing and still are, but in those early days, we kept hearing about the five S’s… swaddling, holding in side position, shushing, swinging and sucking

When Lucas was born, our neighbors had a one year old and a newborn two weeks older than ours and were singing the praises of the book, The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp, M.D.. It also has a companion DVD. We watched it, read it, tried it and it worked. Those five S’s literally changed our life!!

Recently, my go-to parenting book has been What to Expect the Toddler Years, but it was starting to let me down in the – dealing with tantrums – department, so I was thrilled when one of my Twitter friends (I’m sorry, but I cannot for the life of me figure out who now) said that she had experienced a breakthrough with her tot and tantrums by reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old.

The good doctor wrote a follow up. God bless him!

I am only 35 pages into the book and I’m already enlightened. Dr. Karp’s techniques are very respectful to your child and allows for them to feel like they are being heard.

Karp’s basic premise is that toddlers are little cave people: the right side of their brain, which deals with language and logic, is not very developed, while the left side, which is very emotional, calls most of the shots. He talks a lot about how parents have to be an ambassador: keep relations happy, while putting their foot down when it really matters.

He divides toddler behavior into three categories: “green light” behaviors, which are positive and should be encouraged; “yellow light” behaviors, which are frustrating and annoying but not completely unacceptable things toddlers do (whining, for example); and “red light” behaviors which are unacceptable because they are either dangerous or they disobey a key family rule. I don’t know about your house, but we have a lot of “red light” behavior in ours. Karp gives a great deal of advice on how to deal with each of these three types.

I’ll be reporting back to let you know how this advice works for us. Fingers crossed and a BIG thank you to my Twitter friend. I really want to figure out who it was and send her flowers.

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15 Months

Posted on September 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

Could I really have a 15 month old?!

Lucas, you are growing and changing every day and have most notably in the last month become quite the whirlwind of activity and curiosity without any sense of danger or fear. The word ‘no’ has become the most used word in our home. To say that you keep us on our toes, is an understatement.

You are also turning into quite the communicator with a vocabulary of over 25 words. I am convinced that you understand everything that is said to you and have started repeating us a lot too. Guess I better clean up my trucker’s mouth.

We have your 15 month check up tomorrow and as usual, I have a long list of questions to ask your pediatrician, such as:

What’s up with the wacky naps, inconsistent appetite and horrific temper tantrums?
Will my child EVER drink from a sippy cup?
When should we start working on potty training (God, help me!)?
When will you be ready to transition to a toddler bed?

I am certain that the good doctor will tell me all is well and not to get so caught up in the growth milestones or what my friend’s children are up to. Easier said than done.

This month also marked your first two skinned knees, another plane ride to visit grandma and grandpa in the Bay Area, the end of another round of Kindermusik, countless park visits, fun days in LA, the San Diego Zoo and Sea World and we also discovered one of our new favorite places, Kidsville!

Looking forward to see what 16 has in store.

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A Love Letter

Posted on August 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

Three years ago, I married my partner, lover and friend.

In just three short years, we have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

A month and a half after we got married, my father-in-law underwent heart surgery for a congenital heart defect. He made it through with flying colors and today is better than ever, but this was a very emotional time for us as newlyweds.

A month later, both of my parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning while living and working as educators in Tunis, Tunisia. My husband was amazing during this, the saddest and most confusing time in my life. He took my younger sister and I under his wing and helped us plan a double funeral, a trip to Tunisia and navigated us through countless decisions regarding their estate.

During this time I could not give him what he gave me and I will forever be grateful. He listened and held me and encouraged me to do whatever I needed in order to adjust to my new “normal”.

While I walked into walls for nine months trying to keep my wits about me and a career I loved, we decided that the best thing for me to do would be to leave my job as a marketing manager to focus on my grief, settle my parents estate, spend time with family and start planning a family of our own.

With hope in our hearts, just 10 months later, we welcomed to the world our son Lucas. Our pride and joy and new reason for living.

In three years, we have made our house a home, taken wonderful trips together, cried together, laughed together, fought like cats and dogs, grown stronger as a couple and as individuals and made two three. We recently suffered a miscarriage but are slowly, but surely bouncing back stronger than ever. I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. – Paul Sweeney

I am so lucky to have found this incredible man to go through life with. A man that makes my toes curl and my blood boil; makes me laugh, makes me think and forces me *kicking and screaming* to be the best version of myself. He is a wonderful father and a good person.

I don’t say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me and us and I love you. Happy Anniversary, Todd. xoxo

The best is yet to be.

This is my 300th post!! How fitting that is a love letter to my husband because without this blog, I’d quite possibly be a bigger pain-in-the-ass than I already am!

Oh, What A Night!

Posted on July 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

Last night I checked on Lucas, as I do every night before turning in myself around 9:30 and as soon as I walked into his bedroom, I smelled something awful. I had forgotten to empty the diaper pail and his laundry basket was overflowing. He was fast asleep (and breathing), so I thought if it wasn’t his behind, I’d just crack open a window and call it a night.

I found his lovey at the far end of the crib and as I grabbed it and was tucking it under his arm, I discovered it was soaking wet. I then turned on the overhead light and found one whole end of the crib was soaking wet as well and there were little white chunks all over him and his bed. Poor baby had thrown up and was now sleeping in it.

Eeewwwww! I’d much rather clean up poop; at least it’s usually confined to one area.

He hadn’t made a peep for 3 1/2 hours. He could have choked! Thank goodness I went in there. But what was I suppose to do now? I couldn’t let him sleep in soiled sheets and jammies. I had to wake him up and change everything out.

Surprisingly, he was in a very good mood considering he was just woken from a sound sleep but quickly became completely confused and very agitated. He started following me all over the house sobbing as I struggled to remove the bumper pad, dust ruffle, mattress pad, sheets and blankets from his bed, find new sheets, start laundry, pull out a fresh pair of pjs, wipe him off, change him, etc.

At one point, he made his way into our room where he quickly found the huge glass of water on my bedside table and proceeded to dump it all over himself. And so ensues another round of clean up and new jammies.

Oh, I haven’t even mention the best part yet…this happens on a night my husband is out to dinner with a colleague.

In LA.

Two hours away.

Lucky me.

He got home just in time to help me try to get Lucas back to sleep, which didn’t happen until after midnight.

Needless to say, I’m more than a little grouchy this morning because even though he was up for 2 1/2 hours in the middle of the night, Lucas still woke up at the butt crack of dawn this morning. What is up with that?!

We both need a break from one another. Thank goodness I have a babysitter coming in T-minus two hours.

The best is yet to be.

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All Boy

Posted on July 20, 2010 Written by Tonya

Men and women are wired differently and it is apparent even as young as 13 months old.

I definitely have a son!

Lucas has become a very active, very loud, outgoing, fearless, rambunctious little boy.

It feels like he is on the move from sun up until sun down. Actually, it doesn’t feel that way all at, it is that way. There have been many days recently that he has been on a nap protest making for a 13 hour day. IF he does take a nap, it’s from 10:00 – 11:30, which still makes for a very VERY l o n g afternoon. Where he gets his energy, I have no clue!

No matter how you slice it, he doesn’t want to miss a thing and is really into screaming, or rather screeching, throwing, pushing, brushing off and sometimes having a full blown temper tantrum until he gets his way or moves on to something else.

Um, can you say: challenging, exhausting and often confusing?

I thought that the terrible twos (or threes) were a little ways off. Could my little monster be getting a head start? And what’s with the no naps? Please tell me that this phase will soon pass! I rely on these naps and know he needs them too.

Any useful tips, tricks or insight into the toddler male (or adult male, for that matter) mind would be much appreciated. 🙂

The best is yet to be?

This post was written for the word game, Word Up, Yo! hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, play along!
This week’s word is rambunctious.

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