MSA

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Posted on March 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

You eat WAY better than I do. Your diet consists of organic fruits, vegetables, biscuits and crackers, tofu, whole wheat pasta, whole grain oatmeal cereal, free range chicken, yogurt, sugar free apple juice, etc. Last night you had lentils and brown rice while I went through the drive-thru at Del Taco for a Del Classic chicken burrito with extra lettuce, cheese and tomatoes and a, you guessed it, diet Coke. Disgusting, right? Actually, it was pretty damn good considering the only time I have fast food is on road trips.

Every time your dad is out of town I have to fend for myself when it comes to dinner, which typically means a bowl of cereal or cottage cheese, blue corn chips and salsa.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Everything!

My dad always used to say that once I had children that I’d need to learn to cook and he was right. It’s time.

The best is yet to be.

Day 31/100

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The Middle Place

Posted on March 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

The Middle Place is Kelly Corrigan’s memoir of her fight with breast cancer as well as her father’s battle with prostate cancer.

My sister-in-law gave me this book for my birthday back in June, but I didn’t have a chance to read it until over the holidays. I LOVED this book and it has been on my mind ever since I put it down. I highly recommend it.

Aside from the tender and honest way Corrigan writes about her family, loss and personal battles, what I appreciated and related to most was her description of the “middle place”, the period between raising her own children and still being a child herself.

“It is one thing to be a man’s wife–quite another to be the mother of his children. In fact, once you become a mother, being a wife seems like a game you once played or a self-help book you were overly impressed with as a teenager that on second reading is puffy with common ideas. This was one of many things I had learned since crossing over into the middle place–that sliver of time when childhood and parenthood overlap. One day you’re cheering your daughter through a swimming lesson or giving her a pat for crossing the monkey bars or reminding her to say “please,” and the next, you’re bragging to your parents about your newest trick–a sweet potato recipe, a raise at work, a fix for your ant problem. It’s a giant Venn diagram where you are the only member of both sets.”

I shed more than a few tears reading this book and couldn’t help but think about my own middle place. Here I am, a new mother experiencing more joy and frustration than I probably ever have before in my life and I don’t have my parents here to share it with. They aren’t here to tell me I’m doing it all wrong or doing it all right. I don’t have them to consult, commiserate or argue with, bounce ideas off of, or ask them what they did with me when I was Lucas’ age.

Yet, I’m still in that middle place.

Just because I lost my parents, does that mean I stopped being a kid myself? A daughter? Hmmmm, now which one of you faithful Letters For Lucas readers is going to tackle that $25,000 question? It’s a hard one. Even at 35 I felt like their kid and then with their deaths I had to grow up…fast. I had big time adult decisions to make and a younger sister to care for and advise and a brand new marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need an “‘atta girl”, but validation is always nice, especially coming from your parents. No one can argue with that. They raised me well and I have to believe that they would be proud of me and the mother I am becoming.

My parents spirits push me forward and I do see them in my son. Becoming a mother made me realize how much they loved me and well, that has to be enough.

The best is yet to be.

Day 9/100

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Safety First

Posted on March 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

The baby proofer (Baby Safe Home) we hired is here today outfitting our house with baby gates, drawer and cabinet latches, toilet locks and furniture braces, all in an effort to keep Lucas safe.

We discovered that our home is NOT protected by a carbon monoxide detector. I am sick over this and needless to say we are having one installed right now.

My parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning, so this is a topic that is very near and dear to me.

I feel like such an idiot! I was under the impression that all homes built after 1980 (in this country) were automatically equip with one. I didn’t know how wrong I was!!

In North America, only state, provincial and municipal governments have statutes requiring installation of CO detectors in construction – among them: Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin and West Virginia, as well as New York City.

Please, please, please check that your home has one and if not, get one immediately!!

The devices, which retail for $20-$60 and are widely available, can either be battery-operated or AC powered (with or without a battery backup). Battery lifetimes have been increasing as the technology has developed and certain battery powered devices now advertise a battery lifetime of over 6 years. All CO detectors have “test” buttons like smoke detectors.

CO detectors can be placed near the ceiling or near the floor because CO is very close to the same density as air.

Since CO is colorless, tasteless and odorless, detection in a home environment is impossible without such a warning device. It is a highly toxic inhalant and attracts to the hemoglobin (in the blood stream) 200x faster than oxygen, producing inadequate amounts of oxygen traveling through the body. It can kill.

For more information, please visit the Public Safety and Security Information Hub Web site.

The best is yet to be and I will sleep a little sounder tonight.

Day 8/100

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Posted on February 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” – Erma Bombeck

This is going to sound very strange, but I miss having sports in my life.

I didn’t realize it until I was at the gym last week and found myself on an treadmill, followed by an elliptical machine and then the StairMaster positioned in front of the TV broadcasting Sports Center on ESPN. It was only then that I thought to myself, “why am I watching this?”. And then it dawned on me that I always choose the exercise equipment in front of the television showing football, basketball, baseball or golf highlights. I’m not even listening because I usually have my iPod on, but I am watching it and enjoying it, too.

You see, your dad isn’t a sports fan. He doesn’t spend hours couching it all weekend because there is game after game after game on T.V. and I’m actually very grateful for this, but even so, it’s strange. After almost eight years together, I am still not used to it.

I grew up with a major sports fan for a father and depending on the season, learned to root for the Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox and Washington Redskins. I followed Gary Player, Arnold Palmer and Fuzzy Zoeller on the PGA. Every guy I ever dated watched sports. All my male friends watch sports. Yet, I met, fell in love and married a non-sports watcher. Sure, he knows the basic rules (although he gets a kick out of saying “basketball contest”), played organized sports growing up and loves to run and cycle nowadays.

We tune into the World Series, Super Bowl, an occasional play off game and some University of Arizona (my alma matar) or Cal (your dad’s) games, but other than that, sports are seldom on in our house. What does he/we watch instead, you ask? A LOT of car auctions and car-related shows like Top Gear and Chasing Classic Cars and anything that Alain de Cadenet is hosting. Nice, quiet, civilized shows with no one to root for or against. In other words, no need to scream, yell or throw things at the television set (the part of sports fanhood that I don’t miss).

I wonder what sports you will be into watching and playing when you grow up. I hope at the very least, you enjoy watching them. It would be comforting to be around that noise again.

The best is yet to be.

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Fashion Icons

Posted on February 17, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am smart enough to know that even though I may love a dress that Jennifer Aniston is wearing, fall over myself (literally and figuratively) over a pair of stilettos that Victoria Beckham is in and have to contain my excitement over a daring Carrie Bradshaw ensemble, these looks aren’t going to work on me. I just couldn’t pull them off as effortlessly. I’d kill to have Jennifer Aniston’s body though.

Audrey Hepburn
Grace Kelly
Katharine Hepburn

These are my fashion icons.

These women are legendary. They are known the world over for their sense of style, grace and of course, acting in some of Hollywood’s most memorable films; Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Rear Window and The Philadelphia Story respectively. And in Katharine’s case, for pushing the envelope and making it acceptable for women to wear pants. Thanks, KH!

I grew up watching these women because my father was a huge fan of old Hollywood classic black-and-white films. I learned to love these movies and even at an early age, I knew that there was something very special about these women that made them worth admiring and emulating.

I also learned to love these classic movies and I miss watching them with my dad. They are smart, witty, and sometimes suspenseful. The lead actress is always gorgeous.

Their clean, classic, flawless style remind me to keep it simple. They didn’t over exude their sexuality, instead they exuded intelligence and class from every pore.

I mostly go for comfort when dressing, especially now that I have a baby. I love flats, jeans, cardigans, T-shirts, pearls, tan, black, navy, white, and the less is more philosophy. I love capped sleeves, stripes, boat necks, layering and well-worn shoes. These days, I live in lululemon yoga pants, tank tops and hoodies.

I believe at the end of the day, however, you can make a potato sack look good if you combine it with confidence, a smile and a little bit of mystery.

You are going to have to consult with your dad on men’s fashions. I am sure he’ll have a thing or two to say about Steve McQueen, a fashion icon in his own right.

The best is yet to be.

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Missing My Daddy

Posted on January 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

My dad would have been 63 on Thursday, January 28 so naturally he has been on my mind a lot this week. I loved both of my parents, but I adored my dad and was always a “Daddy’s Girl”.

The birthdays and anniversaries the hardest, but I press on and I am grateful for the memories.

My sister did a nice job honoring our father’s life on her blog, LA ‘n’ LA this week.

This is one of my favorite pictures of me and my dad. It was taken in Tunisia in April, 2005.

Michael Stephen Adams

January 28, 1947 – October 15, 2007

Rest In Peace.

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A Rose By Any Other Name

Posted on November 3, 2009 Written by Tonya

It will be a wonder if you ever learn your name. Right now, we call you everything but Lucas. You are Buddy, Boo Boo, LP, Little Piggy, Stinkapotamus, Stinky, Sneaker, Monkey, Peanut, Pumpkin, Crazy–often coupled with Larry for some strange reason, Giggle Box, Lovey, Doodles, Pikachu, etc., etc., etc.

Your dad and I agreed on your middle name as soon as we found out you were going to be a boy, but we really struggled with your first name. There’s a lot of pressure surrounding the naming of a child. We wanted a name that was solid, strong and couldn’t easily be forgotten or shortened, although, you are certain to be called Luc or Luke. There’s also the celebrity factor element…the more unique one can be with their child’s name, the better. We didn’t feel the need to be unique (Kristofer), cute (Brooklyn) or bizarre (Pop Rock). And then there’s the fact that every one has an association (opinion) with names and it’s not always a good one. We agreed that we would not reveal your name until you were born. We had a short list of three or four names that we both liked, but it wasn’t until we met you did we decide on Lucas. In fact, you went several hours before we named you. You were Lucas from minute one, but we wanted to be sure.

I have never met a Lucas and I think it’s an awesome name. I have sworn to secrecy where I came up with it. There are actually two stories; one that we share and one we do not. I promise to tell you offline the secret one. 🙂 The story we do share is pretty cool in and of itself; you are named after the place where your dad and I met in April, 2003: Cabo San Lucas. More on that trip in a later post.

According to one Web site, Lucas is Greek and means a man from Lucania, an ancient region of southern Italy. According to another site, Lucas is Latin and means bringer of light. I like that definition.

Your middle is Michael and you are named after your grandfather, my father. Michael, incidentally is Hebrew and is an extended form of Micha, meaning who is like God. Michael is the name of several characters in the Old Testament. It is most famously that of one of the archangels, the one closest to God, who has the responsibility of carrying out God’s judgements. Michael is regarded as the leader of the heavenly host and is the patron saint of soldiers.

The best is yet to be.

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In Memoriam

Posted on October 15, 2009 Written by Tonya

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
– Eskimo Proverb

Kathryn Ruppert Adams
November 10, 1948 – October 15, 2007

Michael Stephen Adams
January 28, 1947 – October 15, 2007

Rest In Peace.

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My ipod Has Schizophrenia

Posted on October 14, 2009 Written by Tonya

I believe that everything is better with music and I love all different types; from bubble gum pop and jazz to Jay-Z and Radiohead (okay, Radiohead is one of your dad’s favorite bands, not mine, but I do have a two of their songs on my iPod).

Music is an incredibly powerful thing; it has the ability to uplift and motivate like nothing else. Just the right tune can put a smile on my face, a spring in my step, a wish in my heart or tear in my eye. It can make a long boring car ride more bearable and household chores dare I say, more fun to power through. It gives me that little extra something to go another few minutes on the treadmill.

I play music for you everyday. I have 15 days or 5316 songs on my iPod, so there is A LOT to choose from. My Essential playlist (otherwise known as the playlist of music I would have to have were I ever to find myself stranded on a deserted island and could only take one playlist), which you have probably listened to the most, includes 100 of my all time favorite songs. It is as eclectic as the rest of my music library. The first 10 songs are:

1. Ghost In You – The Psychedelic Furs
2. Rump Shaker – Wreckx-N-Effect
3. Melissa – The Allman Brothers Band
4. Anna Begins – Counting Crows
5. Love – Matt White
6. Peek-A-Boo – Sioxsie and the Banshees
7. Theme from “A Summer Place” – The Lettermen
8. Hallelujah – k.d. lang
9. Pig – Dave Matthews Band
10. Crazy – Patsy Cline

Each song is gorgeous, haunting and fun in their own special way. I think you can figure out which is which. 🙂

Music to me is like the sense of smell for others. It helps trigger a memory and hearing a certain song can bring me right back to that moment in time. For example, “Drive” by The Cars was my first slow dance, “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star was the song playing on the radio when I got into my first(!) car accident, “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure will always remind me of dancing the night away in Newport Beach with my college roommate and our boyfriends, “You are the Sunshine of My Life” by Stevie Wonder is the song my sister sang at my wedding and “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer will always make me think of my dad. Actually, a lot of songs remind me of my dad, but that one in particular. He couldn’t get enough of the video featuring the scantily clad long legged chicks.

I am not a very good dancer, but I can carry a tune and you sure seem to like it when I start to move and groove and belt out with the chorus. I hope I am instilling in you an appreciation for music, if not a move or two you may bust out later in life.

The best is yet to be.

For My Broken Heart

Posted on August 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

The last time I saw my parents alive was the day after my wedding, Sunday, August 5, 2007.

My sister and I choose to remember them most on October 15, the day we were notified of their passing.

Sometime between Friday, October 12, 2007 at 8:00 PM and Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 8:00 AM they died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

They were 61 and 58 respectively…too young to die.

My parents lived overseas and dedicated their lives to working at American international schools around the globe for 28 years. My father was the principal of a kindergarten through 12th grade school in Tunis, Tunisia and my mother was a third grade teacher. They died in Tunisia.

For those of you who don’t know, carbon monoxide is odorless, colorless and is the second-leading cause of poisoning deaths in the U.S. Carbon monoxide poisoning claims nearly 500 lives and another 15,000 require emergency room treatment. It can kill you before you know it because you can’t see it, smell it, or taste it. A water heater vent was damaged in my parent’s kitchen and it emitted carbon monoxide into their home killing them.

It’s hard to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces, ask the unanswerable questions and it’s ridiculous to walk around angry at an inanimate object.

Most of the time I just feel robbed.

My parents were anything but done with this life.One week to the day before their bodies were found, they had decided to retire and return to their stateside home in Arizona. They were anxious to see my sister, Leah who had recently graduated from college, start her life and begin building a career, they looked forward to us both having grandchildren (they would have been amazing grandparents and would have completely adored and doted on Lucas and had a long list of things they wanted to do to their home and trips they were excited to take. It’s unfair that they were taken from us too soon. I miss them every single day and ache to hear their voices again.

I’m mostly sorry that my son will never get to meet them in the physical sense.

I hope between me, my sister, my husband and others that knew them well, Lucas will know them in a different way.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but I will forever believe that the best is yet to be.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

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Take Me Out To The Ball Game

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