milestones

Back To Life

Posted on June 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

The party was Saturday, but today is the *actual* day and we while we are celebrating at Disneyland, I’ve asked my sister to keep you company!

It’s been a while since aunt Leah made an appearance on Letters For Lucas and it’s nice to have her back with a sweet message of love.

Today is Lucas’ 2^nd birthday and I couldn’t be more proud and happy to be his aunt. Never ever would I have thought that it would be possible to love him more now then I did the day he was born, but somehow I truly do. He warms my heart and makes me forget my worries every single time I see him and no one else has ever been able to do that.

On the day he was born, June 6th, just two short years ago, my very sad heart began to heal. Losing my parents literally shattered my world and broke my heart, but that moment that I first laid eyes on Lucas in the hospital, my heart instantly started to repair itself. This is really the best way for me to describe what it’s like having him in my life.

Lucas brought me back to life.

His birth was like a sign thrown at me, making me realize that life goes on and there are new people to love — a new person to love that my parents would have loved this much right along with me. It showed me that I indeed have the capacity to unconditionally love someone again as much as I loved my parents. I often wonder how I’ll possibly love my own children as much as I love Lucas.

Do I have enough love like this for a husband one day? Where does love come from? How can a heart possibly hold it? Does Lucas have any idea how much I love him and that when I’m sad, all I have to do is think of him and I suddenly feel better? Does Lucas understand love enough now to love me back?

I hope so.

Happy Birthday to my one and only Lucas. May this year be full of more adventures and more happiness then your heart can handle. You’ve already given me all that and more these past two years.

Love,
Aunt Leah
XOXOWithout a doubt, Leah. Lucas knows how much you love him and loves you right back. Ten fold.

Leah has her own blog, LA ‘n’ LA and is now on Twitter too!

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These Are Days

Posted on June 3, 2011 Written by Tonya

Tomorrow we are celebrating Lucas’ second birthday with a small party complete with family, friends, Thomas the Train, cupcakes and a bounce house.

It’s hard to believe my baby is already two! Where does the time go? Everyone said, “it goes by fast” and they were so right.

This little boy is the light of my life and I can’t imagine the last 24 months without him.

He is smart and funny and kind and teaches me more than I’ll ever be able to teach him. He is patient with me and enriches my life in ways I never knew possible.

If you have a couple of minutes to spare, here is a slide show of some of my favorite photos of my sweet boy over the last two years.

Unfortunately YouTube copyright infringement laws prevented me from using the song I wanted: These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs, so I’ve included the lyrics here:

These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it,
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you
Are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you

These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you

These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It’s true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you

These are definitely the days and I’m grateful for each and every one.

Happy Birthday, Lucas!

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Celebrating Taming Insanity

Posted on May 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

Please join me in wishing Kristin (AKA KLZ) of Taming Insanity a very happy five year anniversary!

Today I’m over at her place sharing one of my favorite things about being a mother… milestones.

Comments are off so there’s no pressure, just stop by and read and if you don’t know already know Kristin, (are you living under a rock?) this is your chance.

Happy weekend, everyone!

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Hot Stuff

Posted on April 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I thought I was hot stuff the minute I earned my first pay check.

I spent half a summer telemarketing and I hated every second of it, but the pay check at the end of each week was awesome. It made me believe that I didn’t need anyone or anything to make it in the world. School schmool. As long as I could make money, I would be alright. At 17, that’s what I thought it was all about.

The problem was I actually enjoyed school and I believed what my parents were telling me: I could make a lot more money if I had an education. Win-win!

I thought I was hot stuff the moment I graduated from high school.

I thought the friends I had then, I’d be friends with forever. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life and was completely full of myself. In reality, I didn’t have a clue in my head who I was or what my place in the world would be.

Luckily there was college… the epitome of hot suff!

I partied my ass off, attended class most days (as long as they didn’t interfere with my soaps), changed my major four times, held a part time job and thought I was learning everything I’d ever need to know about the world around me.

Now that I had a degree under my belt, I quickly found out I was more lost than ever.

No longer having school to fall back on, it was time to get a real job… a career.

I accepted the first $22,000/year job offered to me and felt very much like an adult. I was making decisions left and right about my life; how to spend my time, money and energy, I was paying rent and choosing where to shop, vacation and whether to call it a night or have another drink, knowing full well that I’d be hung over in the morning as I sat in a mandatory meeting.

But by golly, finally I was an adult!

Or so I thought.

I gained years, perspective and experience, but it wasn’t until almost 12 years later, when I had my son that I truly felt like a grown up.

It wasn’t until I was responsible for another person’s health, safety, well being and comfort, that I felt grown up.

It wasn’t until I loved to my heart’s fullest capacity that I grew up.

I can go from zero to irate in less than 38 seconds so while I may still be working on my maturity level, I am definitely a grown up now and my son thinks I’m hot stuff!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) The moment I realized I was a grown up, inspired by…(drum roll, please) yours truly! Thanks, Kat. 🙂

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Just Right

Posted on April 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

At 22 months old, Lucas is very tall for his age: 33 inches, putting him in the 95th percentile. I’m 5’8″ and his father 5’11”. This kid is going to be tall.

In an effort to “see” the world from his vantage point, I’ve been observing how he uses his height:

33 inches is not quite tall enough to flip light switches on and off in our house, but at our friend’s Suzy’s house he can stand on tippy toes and do it over and over and over again.

33 inches is tall enough to open the doors in our house, and sometimes lock them too. Gulp!

33 inches is not tall enough to reach the flowers in the middle of the dining room table, but he can climb up on the dining room chairs and do it, so that’s a win-win for him.

33 inches is tall enough to open the refrigerator, but he lacks the upper body strength. On the other hand, he is very good and helping to

~~close~~ slam the door.

33 inches is almost tall enough to get your head whacked on the corner's of our kitchen counter. 34 inches is going to be painful.33 inches is tall enough for your feet to reach the pedals on your tricycle, but being pushed by Mommy or Daddy is way more fun.

33 inches is not tall enough to play the video games at our favorite pizza place.

33 inches is tall enough to open the drawers in the kitchen and bathrooms and feel what's inside, but not quite tall enough be able to pull the contents out.

33 inches is tall enough to grab books, photos and decorative trinkets off the book case in our living room, but he has no interest, thank goodness.

33 inches is just right.... for now.

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Big Boy Bed

Posted on April 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

Last week, this is where Lucas slept:

This week, this is where Lucas sleeps:

Our baby isn’t a baby anymore and he loves his big boy bed!

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Bloggy Boot Camp

Posted on March 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

Normally quiet, shy and reserved until you get to know me and more than happy to hide behind my laptop, I went out on a limb thinking no one else I knew would be attending (except Mommy of a Monster, who is now not able to attend after all) and bought a ticket for my first blogging conference.

I don’t know what I was thinking… I’m not overly comfortable in large groups, especially when I don’t know anyone, but that was more than seven months ago. Now, I have so many friends via Twitter, Letters For Lucas and the mommy blogging community in general that are going to be at Bloggy Boot Camp tomorrow that I am peeing in my pants excited!!

Bloggy Boot Camp is a blogging conference hosted by the SITS (The Secret to Success is Support) community. There are six events this year around the country and this one just happens to be in my back yard.

The event is limited to 125 attendees, so where I once was afraid, I am now looking forward to the intimate setting and because I still consider myself a relatively new blogger, I can’t wait to network and learn what the pros recommend.

The speaker line-up sounds amazing too. I am particularly excited about seeing/hearing/meeting Mama Mary of The Mama Mary Show, whom I have had fun on Twitter with and Kathy, aka Mama Kat, the blogger behind Mama’s Losin’ It. Each week I participate in her nearly world famous, Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

I’m sure I’ll walk away mind boggled and inspired.

Check back next week when I share highlights and be sure to let me know if you ‘re planning to be there too.

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21 Months… For Now

Posted on March 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

Last week Lucas turned 21 months old, which means in just three short months he’ll be two years old. Crazy!!

The “Terrible Twos” for us began at around 18 months but they are getting progressively worse, if that is even possible.

Not unlike most toddlers, I’m sure, Lucas is a strong willed little boy and wants what he wants when he wants it. He is in constant motion as we shuffle from one activity to the next all. day. long. We color and paint and play with Play-Doh, line up toy cars, sing, dance, work on puzzles, visit parks, visit Daddy at work, match up stuffed animals, practice our letters, numbers, colors, etc., etc., etc. and then do it all over again.

It’s exhausting.

He’s exhausting.

I’m exhausted!

I knew this age wasn’t easy, but no one said it was going to be this hard.

Lucas still refuses to drink milk from a sippy cup so my plan of ditching the bottles went out the window (for now).

He’s making a mockery of potty training, so that too has been halted (for now).

Having been sick for the past month (a treat in and of itself) has kept him crib bound, so my desire to move him into a toddler or twin bed has also been delayed (for now).

With all the progression that has been put on hold lately, it is clear who has the upper hand in our house. We will try again soon…

On the other hand, Lucas is a sponge and repeats and remembers everything he hears. Someone is going to have to clean up her potty mouth ASAP!!

His vocabulary is flourishing, which I am so blessed for. I have spent a lot of time around other almost two year olds and they don’t have near the amount of words that Lucas does and I see the look on their mother’s faces when they hear he is often times younger than their children. I can’t even imagine not being able to communicate with my son and my heart goes out to those parents whose children have speech delay.

Lucas is also able to play quietly with his trains or cars, “read” books or run around the backyard without much interference and for this I am also grateful.

He’s 21 months old for now and as challenging and infuriating as he can be sometimes, I’m wishing there was a pause button.

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If I’m Lucky

Posted on March 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am pushing 40 with both hands.

40.

I remember when 40 was old.

I’m not dreading growing old(er) all that much. I honestly don’t mind the numbers of years I am because I don’t feel a day over 33. I believe aging is both a state of mind and a physiological fact.

Sure it takes me longer to bounce back from the flu, lose the customary holiday five pounds I gain and hangovers feel like death, but I still feel 33.

It’s hard to believe that in just 15 short months, I’ll be ringing in a brand new decade.

Some of my best friends are already there, the big 4-0 and they exude high energy, vitality and youthfulness. They look amazing and I hope to be just like that in June, 2012.

Too bad there are always the ugly voices. You know the ones…. the voices in our heads that tell us that everything of value is young and new and I’m simply not anymore.

The voices that both criticize and curse every new wrinkle, flaw, blemish and gray hair that sprouts up.

The voices that convince that jumping out of an airplane, getting a tattoo, taking up pilates, learning a foreign language and getting Botox will make us feel and look young again.

Some days my face feels so disorganized. Everything is shifting and it’s almost as if it’s been hanging in the closet for too long. I feel unattractive, haggard and tired. Perhaps it’s just motherhood? I don’t feel that way on the inside, so it’s hard to witness the changes occurring on the outside.

If I’m lucky, every once in a while the voices subside and I recall why I have crow’s feet, furrows along my brow and lines around my mouth and I see the pure and simple beauty in them.

I’m proud of my lines and my age because I’ve earned them. I’ve laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed. I have lived, loved, lost, fell down, picked myself back up, traveled, read, seen, met, stuck my foot in my mouth, tasted, heard, touched, experienced, shared, learned and still want more!

I love each and every single line on my face because they make up my beautiful life. All 38 years of it, but only if I’m lucky.

This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing assignment, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt was to write a short piece, either fiction or non-fiction, about something ugly – and find the beauty in it.

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One Year Ago

Posted on March 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

Exactly one year ago today, March 3, I wrote this post: Safety First. We were having our home baby proofed by a professional baby proofing company (because God knows we couldn’t have done it ourselves) and discovered that our home was unprotected by a carbon monoxide detector.

This was shocking news to me because 1) I thought we had one and 2) My parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Boy, did I feel stupid! We immediately rectified this oversight. I urge all of you to make sure you too have a CO detector and that it is in working order. It can save lives!

Also a year ago…

Lucas turned nine months old, just learned how to clap, went into a swimming pool for the first time and started wearing the Doc Band, my sister turned 26, we were starting to really listen to nursery rhymes, I was lusting after Pretty Things and I read Kelly Corrigan’s beautiful memoir, The Middle Place.

Last week I wrote my 500th Letters For Lucas post, Lucas is almost 21 months old, Leah will be 27 on Monday, we have a new address, my husband has his own vintage car showroom, which has been (knock on wood) very successful so far and I’m reading One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni and I’m still lusting after pretty things:

Bailey Console Table – Pottery Barn

Love Letters Sheet Set – Anthropologie

Wall Art – Land of Nod

The last week has been rough. Lucas has been sick with the worst cold/flu of his young life and we have been to the pediatrician’s office twice, most recently to find out he now has a double ear infection. I’ve been sick too and so has Todd. Taking care of a sick child when you’re sick too is no fun!

Never a dull moment…

As always, then and now, our life is full of ups and downs, but also a lot of humor along the way.

How has your life changed in one year?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 3) What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?

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Back To Life

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These Are Days

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Celebrating Taming Insanity

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Hot Stuff

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Just Right

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Big Boy Bed

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Bloggy Boot Camp

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21 Months… For Now

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If I’m Lucky

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One Year Ago

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