Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

I’m Being Watched

Posted on Written by

My son is a certifiable stalker! I can’t make a move in this house without him giving his stamp of approval or, better known as popping up out of nowhere right under my feet. In fact, I’m surprised that there hasn’t been a broken finger yet.

I thought we had narrowly escaped the separation anxiety phase believing that it happened around eight months old, but we seem to be smack dab in the middle of it and it breaks my heart as well as creeps me out.

Mercifully, you like your babysitter so leaving the house usually isn’t a problem, but leaving the room, when you know a car isn’t involved is an entirely different story.

I love the fact that you are so attached to me and miss me when I’m gone, but could use without the wailing, crocodile tears and super sad face whenever I have to use the bathroom; you lose it when disappear into the walk-in closet and God forbid I have to run upstairs for something. I know this is just a phase and will soon pass, but oh, how I miss the days of being able to pee in peace.

The best is yet to be.

Day 84/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

My First Mother’s Day

Posted on Written by

Today was my first Mother’s Day.

That still sounds weird.

I bought a card for my Mommy & Me friend, Jenn and it sums up this crazy ride very well:

The pay is short. The hours are long. It’s a 24/7 kind of job. Training is learn-as-you-go. Patience and wisdom required from day one. Retirement isn’t an option. Being a mom is a lifetime job and nobody does it better than you!

I love to bitch about my job, but I really do love it and today was especially perfect.

It started off with a nice long hot shower followed by scrambled eggs, waffles, crispy bacon and orange juice, and then a couple of much needed hours at the nail salon getting the full treatment while I read blissfully.

I haven’t even gotten to the perfect part yet…

Spending the afternoon with my two favorite men.

An early dinner at one of my favorite local bistros.

Not even 7:00 and we are all jammied up… my favorite time of the day!

Cocktail napkins from your dad… talk about perfect and he obviously reads the blog!!

I hope every Mother’s Day is just like today.

The best is yet to be.

Day 75/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Eleven Months

Posted on Written by

11 months? Already?! Say it isn’t so. The last four weeks have gone by too fast and you have experienced many fun firsts, including:

  • Your first boat ride across the Sydney Harbor.
  • Your first visit to the zoo.
  • Your first visit to the ER. 🙁
  • Your first sunrise our first morning in Sydney.
  • Your first meal at a restaurant in which nothing came out of the diaper bag except for a bib.

You also:

  • Acquired another two stamps in your passport.
  • Learned that there are television screens in cars, thanks to the taxi driver in Sydney. Your dad and I are hoping you’ll forget. Fat chance, right?!
  • Know where your belly is and recognize the words “bath”, “book”, “baby”, “bottle”, and many more that don’t begin with B!
  • Pat us on the chest as a form of affection I hope…
  • You’ve had your first of what I fear is many temper tantrums (more on that in a later post).
  • You can walk around holding on to furniture and can stand for several seconds without holding on to anything.
  • Exclusively wear size 4 diapers and size 12 clothes.
  • Climb up the stairs.
  • Still have blue eyes.

Nothing brings me more joy than being your mommy and watching you grow, learn, laugh and play every day.

Next month we will be celebrating your first year and I am going to enjoy every second until then because something tells me that after June 6, you are going to be a very different baby.

Forever and always I believe that the best is yet to be.

Day 72/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Say What You Need to Say

Posted on Written by

“Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say”
– Say What You Need To Say, John Mayer

This is my 200th post! I can’t believe it…. I never thought I’d reach 100, let alone 200!

Lucas will be a year old soon (!) and this blog is an account of his life and my gift to him. I can’t wait to share it with him someday, but in the meantime, I truly appreciate you following along with all of my random mommy musings as I fumble my way through motherhood.

My cup (glass) runneth over for all the kind comments that you share (on and offline), advice that you offer (on and offline) and the connections I have made through blogging. I have said it before and surely will say it again and again… blogging has been a wonderful outlet for me and I love doing it. I have learned a lot about myself through my writing and the kind of sister, friend, wife, and woman I am, mother I am striving to be and child I want to raise. This is my space and I am happy to have it.

If you do read Letters For Lucas and haven’t become an official “follower” yet, please do and as always, I LOVE feedback, so comment and comment often on anything that strikes a cord with you, makes you laugh, or rubs you the wrong way. I’m also open to advice and will often ask for it. I know that there are a lot of first time and seasoned mommies out that I could learn a ton from. Thank you, everyone!

200 posts?! And still, I have so much more to say, discover, learn and share.

The best is yet to be.

Day 53/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

No Escape

Posted on Written by

Loss is a part of my life and I can’t deny or ignore it, but I don’t want to own it and I certainly don’t know how to embrace it… yet.

My parents have been gone for two and a half years today.

Two and a half years too many.

There is no escape from loss.

Loss follows you wherever you go.

Reminders are everywhere.

Grief and loss are exhausting.

Time is no cure for grief or loss; they are constant.

As much as I don’t want the loss of my parents to define who I am, it is part of me.

I think about them every day and miss them more than words can describe.

I’m angry that they were taken from me too soon and heartbroken that you will never get to meet them.

This photo was taken on my wedding day, August 4, 2007. It was the last weekend I saw my parents alive.

I am grateful for the 35 years I had with my mom and dad, my memories of happier times, the lessons they taught me, photos I have of them, letters they wrote me, books, music and movies that we shared and enjoyed as a family and my sister, who shares my loss. Together, along with your father, we will make sure that you know your grandparents.

“Our loved ones are never truly gone from us. They remain in the landscape of our own life, as we will for those who come after us. So do right by them by celebrating your own greatness as well as remembering theirs.” – Allison DuBois

I press on because I know that my parents would want me to and because I believe that best is yet to be.

Day 51/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Half Way Point

Posted on Written by

Today marks the half way point of you wearing the Doc Band. We had our fourth follow up visit this afternoon and your head is moving in the right direction, rounding out in the way the therapist is pleased with and your facial features are noticeably more symmetrical.

This has been an interesting journey and I’m grateful for how easy you’ve made it on us. Since day one it’s like you’re not even wearing it. It hasn’t seemed to bother you in the least bit, however, we do see an extra spring in your step (AKA swagger in your crawl) when it’s off and we know that it’s hot and must be uncomfortable by the end of the day.

I have been so pleasantly surprised at the encouragement from strangers and how many people have come up to us at the park, grocery store, shopping mall, airport, etc. to tell us how successful the Doc Band was for their own children, grandchildren, friend’s children, nieces and nephews. It seems as though we are a part of a special group now and when yours comes off, I’ll be sure to do the same. In fact, your grandma and I saw a little girl wearing a Doc Band while walking through La Jolla last week and I had to stop and comment on how adorable she looked it in. Her parents had painted flowers all over it, where as we have been partial to stickers.

The first 50 days went by in a flash and I know that the next 50 days will as well.

The best is yet to be.

Day 50/100

Related Posts:

Ten Months

Posted on Written by

Your grandma is coming to visit today and it also marks your tenth month with us; and what a great month it was! The most exciting accomplishment you had this month was that you started crawling and it has been so much fun to watch you explore your world and enjoy your independence. Here are some of your other milestones at ten months. This month you:

  • Learned to pull yourself up to standing and usually only hold on with one hand.
  • Have slammed your pudgy little fingers into drawers and cabinets more than once and gotten yourself stuck under our coffee table and bar stools. I am told that it is all a part of your new found freedom and exploration.
  • Recognize puppies, babies, books, the train and of course, mom, dad, aunt Leah and nanny Angel.
  • Use sign language to indicate when you are “all done”, want “more” and hear the train passing by.
  • Love to people watch as much as your dad and I do, which make places like the park and airport do-able.
  • Your diet has expanded to include chicken, cheese, kidney beans, lentils, spinach and potatoes.
  • Graduated from your first music class and have started a second one.
  • Visited the Wild Animal Park.
  • Celebrated your first Easter and met the Easter Bunny.
  • Have been wearing the Doc Band for 42 days today… we are almost half way there and I am happy to report that it is doing exactly what it’s meant to.
  • Bounce to music.
  • Still have blue eyes.
  • Attended your fourth one year old’s birthday party.
  • Love to knock blocks, or anything will work, together to make noise.
  • Hosted your first Mommy & Me play group.
  • Can roll a ball back and forth to us.

I can’t wait to see what the next month has in store for you!

As a side note, the photo above was taken with my iPhone using a very cool new photography app I downloaded called Hipstamatic. Check it out!

The best is yet to be.

Day 42/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

On The Move

Posted on Written by

Guess where you headed yesterday morning?


Scary! Thank goodness we had the house baby proofed almost a month ago.

It’s crazy to think that just a week ago, I could put you on the floor and know that you couldn’t get very far by pivoting and scooting around on your belly. Now, you are a little man on the move who has completely embraced crawling. And, if there is a lone Cheerio on the floor, you are sure to find it.

It has been so fun to watch you enjoy your new found independence and explore our ENTIRE house. You are definitely keeping me on my toes and I should be able to lose that last five pounds of baby weight in no time. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

Day 34/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Ready – Set – Go!

Posted on Written by

Someone learned to crawl today!


The best is yet to be.

Day 30/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Graduation Day

Posted on Written by

You successfully completed eight weeks of Kindermusik today and you better believe that your diploma went straight on the refrigerator! I am so proud of my little boy.

You enjoyed the class so much that we have signed up for another eight week session.

If you would like to cultivate a love of music in your child, I highly recommend these classes.

The best is yet to be and let’s hope that there are many more diplomas in our future.

Day 27/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts
BlogWithIntegrity.com

What I Write About

a mother's guilt annoyances aunt leah birthdays blog books challenges conversations with Lucas DMB exercise family friends grandparents gratitude grief guest post holidays KRA Letters For You list loss love mama kat's writer's workshop memories me time milestones motherhood MSA NaBloPoMo parenthood parenting photos praise pregnancy2 question quotes SAHM school siblings simple joys TBW TDA bio travel update writing

Creative Kristi Designs