me time

I Might Secretly Be A Dog Person

Posted on February 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am not a big fan of cats. Most cats that I have met and owned are finicky, aloof and act as though they are doing you a favor by existing. I’m also allergic to cats, so that has always put a strain on our relationship.

I find fish fascinating and can spend hours staring at an aquarium. It’s soothing and relaxing to watch them move gracefully, effortlessly through the water.

I had pets (cats, dogs and fish) growing up, but I don’t think I’m completely comfortable around animals and certainly don’t have a need to have one in my life.

Until I met Winston.

Winston is a beautiful Weimaraner that belongs to your dad’s friend, Edwin. Edwin adopted Winston from a Weimaraner rescue in Los Angeles and we were lucky enough to get to know this amazing creature last April when we dog sat over Easter weekend. I fell in love with Winston. I fell in love with this dog’s sweet nature, kind eyes, and overall curiosity. He was protective of me and my seven month pregnant belly (AKA you!) and even though in a new environment (not by choice), within hours, it was as though he belonged. It was a highlight of my year (2009: A Year To Remember).

Shortly after our weekend of walks, treats, tricks and only what can be described as pure joy, I read the book The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. This unique novel is told from the perspective of Enzo, the family dog.

Enzo knows he is different from other dogs: a philosopher with a nearly human soul (and an obsession with opposable thumbs), he has educated himself by watching television extensively, and by listening very closely to the words of his master, Denny Swift, an up-and-coming race car driver. Through Denny, Enzo has gained tremendous insight into the human condition, and he sees that life, like racing, isn’t simply about going fast. Using the techniques needed on the race track, one can successfully navigate all of life’s ordeals.

On the eve of his death, Enzo takes stock of his life, recalling all that he and his family have been through: the sacrifices Denny has made to succeed professionally; the unexpected loss of Eve, Denny’s wife; the three-year battle over their daughter, Zoe, whose maternal grandparents pulled every string to gain custody. In the end, despite what he sees as his own limitations, Enzo comes through heroically to preserve the Swift family, holding in his heart the dream that Denny will become a racing champion with Zoe at his side. Having learned what it takes to be a compassionate and successful person, the wise canine can barely wait until his next lifetime, when he is sure he will return as a man.

This book made me angry, sad, helpless, hurt, frustrated, grateful, hopeful and happy. What more can you ask from a book? Enzo’s Buddha-like observations will stick with you long after you lend it to a friend or put it or your shelf of favorites: “That which you manifest is before you.”

I could not have read this book at a better time in my life. We had just spent an unforgettable weekend with an incredible canine and the phrase “man’s best friend” all of a sudden made perfect sense. Maybe it was my “nesting” taking over or motherly instincts kicking in, but
Winston’s stay with us made an impact on me and whenever I think about him, I smile.

Last night, my friend and true animal lover, Nancy and I got the rare opportunity to attend a speaking and book signing by Garth Stein at Warwick’s, one of my favorite independent book stores in La Jolla. He was everything that I wanted him to be…adorable, charming, funny and working on his next novel. 🙂 It was such a treat to get a glimpse of what the author went through to create The Art of Racing in the Rain and the struggle to have it published.

The best is yet to be and I see a family dog in our future.

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The Most Important Job In The World

Posted on January 25, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been reluctant to write about this, but it is time to come clean…

We have hired a nanny.

For the purposes of this blog, I will call her Angel, because in my eyes, that’s what she is to me. Angel helps me care for you for five hours a day, two days a week and she has been working with us for a month.

Whew, that wasn’t so hard.

Before you judge, (that’s my defensive, inner critic/guilty conscience speaking) I feel like a big fat loser/fraud/incompetent mother for having her. After all, I don’t work and since June my sole job has been to stay at home and raise you. I am proud of this role and have never been happier, but it’s the most challenging position I have ever held and I felt as if I was slowly losing myself before I admitted that I needed help. In short, I am a better mother because of Angel.

Ideally, stay at home moms choose to stay home (like I have) and in a perfect world, we’d all have smiles on our faces, never complain and enjoy every moment we are home with our little tike(s), but being a stay at home mom is a full-time, 24-hour a day job, even with a hands on partner, like your dad. I am the mommy and that role is very different; it’s everything. As Mommy, you are always “on”. You don’t get a lunch break, two week vacation, weekends off or sick days. Of course, there are exceptions and there are mom’s hiring nannies to care of their kid(s) because they just don’t want to, and that’s a whole different issue altogether.

Having a nanny for a few hours every week is an absolute luxury and one that I am lucky to be able to afford. I don’t believe I am a bad mother to care for myself or need a break, in fact, having Angel makes me better mentally and physically. I have been able to go to two doctor’s appointments, grocery shop, have a nice long (uninterrupted) lunch with a friend and go to the gym..three times!

I believe that motherhood is the most important job a woman will ever undertake in her lifetime. It is the one job that will give her satisfaction of mind, body, heart and soul. I also believe that no other person can raise my son with as much love as I can, but I am blessed to have these 10 hours a week to recharge.

The best is yet to be.

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Bibliophilia

Posted on October 4, 2009 Written by Tonya

I don’t know if it’s because both my parents were educators, because they read to me as a child, or because I loved (and love) hanging out at bookstores and libraries, but my first word was “book”.

I read to you everyday. Sadly, aside from children’s books and parenting reference guides, I haven’t done much leisure reading since you were born. I love reading and I miss it very much. There is nothing better than getting lost in a good book. Historical fiction modern day fiction are suspense novels are my favorite.

I love how books can transport you to another place and time and introduce you to interesting characters that you don’t normally encounter in your day-to-day life. I enjoy the relaxation of reading, especially when hours have passed and I don’t even realize it because I’m so enthralled in a good book. Sitting quietly with a juicy epic is truly one of life’s greatest pleasures and brings me a lot of peace.

My Book Facts:

I am a founding member of a book club called JUGS (Just Us Girls) that my friends and I started almost seven (!) years ago and I live for our monthly meetings. Our discussions are always lively, fun and thought provoking. If it weren’t for our group, there are many books I would have missed out on.

I will never start a book without finishing it, no matter how much I may want to throw it into the fireplace (i.e. Saving Graces, a terrible JUGS selection).

I always start books in bed.

One of my very best friends is in my life today because we initially bonded over books. Thank goodness for Kay Scarpetta!

Since 1999, I have kept a list of every book I have read maintaining an average of 35books per year. My father also kept a list of the books he read and I often turn to it for recommendations.

My Top 10 favorite books (in no particular order) are:
1. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
2. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
3. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
4. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
5. The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult
6. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
7. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
8. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
9. Sarah’s Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
10. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Love her or hate her, I believe Oprah Winfrey single-handedly got our nation reading again when she established her book club in 1996. I am currently reading her latest selection, Say You’re One of Them by Uwem Akpan and so far it’s fabulous.

Quotes I have collected about books and reading:

“To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wandering about in a great library without touching the books.” – Anonymous

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” – Cicero

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx

“Each time we re-read a book we get more out of it because we put more into it. A different person is reading it, and therefore it is a different book.” – Murial Clark

“You are the same today that you are going to be in five years from now except for two things: the people with whom you associate and the books you read.” – Charles Jones

“Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.” – Louis L’Amour

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you will go.” – Dr. Seuss

“Do your bit to save humanity from lapsing back into barbarity by reading all the novels you can.” – Richard Hughes

“To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him, and travel in his company.” – Andre Gide

“Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.” – P. J. O’Rourke

My personal favorite:

“With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy?” – Oscar Wilde

Ah, so many books, so little time!

The best is yet to be…one page at a time.

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To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Posted on September 28, 2009 Written by Tonya

Sleep and I haven’t been too friendly lately and boy, do I miss it! I should be napping when you nap, but that doesn’t work out too well for me. I have never been a napper, besides when would I blog, let alone get dressed, eat, or do the piles and piles of laundry you create?

Your dad and I take turns getting up with you at night and most mornings, he is kind enough to care for you and let me sleep in as long as possible before he has to get ready to go to work, but for the past few weeks (just when you were almost sleeping through the night!?) you have been getting up almost every two hours and our mornings start sometimes as early as 5:30 AM, so we are all very sleep deprived.

I’ve collected quotes for as long as I can remember and here are a few from the archives on sleep, glorious sleep:

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” – Irish proverb

“Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.” – Fran Lebowitz

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess

“That we are not much sicker and much madder than we are is due exclusively to that most blessed and blessing of all natural graces, sleep.” – Aldous Huxley

“True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.” – William Penn

“Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all night… without the satisfaction.” – Lynn Johnston

“There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night’s sleep.” – Edgar Watson Howe

“Money will buy you a bed, but not a good night’s sleep, a house but not a home, a companion but not a friend. – Zig Ziglar

“Sleep is like the unicorn, it is rumored to exist but I doubt I will see any.” – Anonymous

My personal favorite:

“People who say they “sleep like a baby” usually don’t have one.” – Leo J. Burke

The best is yet to be (and here’s hoping it involves sweet sweet dreams!).

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Baby Free Hours

Posted on September 27, 2009 Written by Tonya

Your dad spent most of the day with you today solo while I spent literally hours trying to figure out what to do with myself.

After taking a very long, very hot shower, in which I loofahed my entire body and shaved areas that have been hairy for far too long, I added three more mommy blogs to follow to my list, read through every What To Expect The First Year e-mail newsletter I have received in the last three weeks and then realized that the only books on my bedside table are: On Becoming Baby Wise, The Happiest Baby on the Block, The No-Cry Sleep Solution and Trees Make the Best Mobiles. Agh! Is this really what my life has come to? Is absorbing mommy information the only thing that I’m interested in nowadays?

It is hard to recall what I used to do with all of my free time before baby, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss it or think about it longingly. I think I had hobbies, didn’t I? I vaguely remember reading novels and flipping through glossy magazines for hours on end, watching movies from start to finish in one sitting, enjoying leisurely lunches with friends, having meaningful conversations with your dad that didn’t involve the words “poop”, “melt down” or “nap”, pushed myself to the limit in hard core work outs, took last minute trips to Vegas and Palm Springs and indulged in many guilt free glasses of wine, oh yes and sleep.

I suppose my old interests aren’t gone completely or forgotten, they’ve just expanded to include the most important activity in my life right now, which is raising little you.

When given some me time, why was I at such a loss for what to do today?

I finally just got in the car and drove. I ended up taking myself to lunch and then walked around our local farmer’s market for 45 minutes (something I have wanted to do since we lived here) and got some beautiful produce and fresh flowers; then thank goodness my favorite spa takes last minutes appointments, I got a facial. After that, I spent a glorious hour wandering around the bookstore looking up, you guessed it, baby information! I couldn’t help it, I instantly gravitated towards the Parenting section.

All in all, it was a truly rejuvenating afternoon and not a bad way to spend a few baby free hours by myself.

The best is yet to be.

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Moms Need Breaks

Posted on August 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

It infuriates me when I hear my fellow mommy friends practically begging their husbands, also known as the father of their children, to watch their kids. What is wrong with these dads? Are they afraid of a little parenting? It’s a baby…their baby, and while yes, frustrating at times, they have pretty simple needs….clean diapers, an occasional bottle, a good burp and some good old fashioned interaction. Infants need to spend one-on-one time their fathers and more importantly, moms need breaks!!

The women that enable this behavior from the men in their lives irk me just as badly. When I hear these couples arguing, I know how fortunate I am that I get the baby-free time I need. In fact, your dad encourages me to get out and spend time with my friends and do things that are just for me. He knows how much time, energy and patience is involved in spending 12 solid hours with you. It’s not like I don’t love it, but being able to jump on the treadmill for an hour, get my nails down, or just walk around a book store without a diaper bag draped over my shoulder means everything to me. A little time a part is very refreshing and very necessary. Brace yourself, I even had a sleep over when you were just six weeks old! It was a guilt-ridden 24 hours for me, but oh so good for my psyche and provided great bonding time for the two of you and the encouragement that I believe made him feel that he could do it on his own.

Being a new parent and the primary care giver to a newborn is exhausting. I always feel like I have to be “on” when I’m with you…caring for you, comforting you, stimulating you and getting ready for your next feeding, not to mention stocking and restocking supplies and all of the other daily household chores that have to be done. I miss you like crazy when I’m not with you but I know that the time a part only makes me a better Mommy when I get home.

The best is yet to be.

I Might Secretly Be A Dog Person

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