KRA

Celebrating 41 Years

Posted on August 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

My parents have been on my mind all day.

It’s always the milestone days that get me.

Today would have been their 41st wedding anniversary.

Theirs was a perfect match. Where he was weak, she was strong and vice versa. I don’t remember them ever fighting about anything.

Ever.

Honestly.

There were never any slamming doors or my waking up to loud yelling in the middle of the night. They were both very level headed and freakishly calm. They were educators. They knew how to talk and they knew how to listen.

Sure, there were disagreements, but they never lasted very long and I couldn’t tell you what they were about. Perhaps they sheltered me from their arguments, but it seemed as though they knew the fine art of compromise and what ever came their way, they worked together…beautifully.

They were a couple to emulate and I wish that they were still here to celebrate today.
Here’s to you, Mom and Dad.

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

A Labor Of Love – Tasty Tuesdays 1

Posted on August 10, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have said it before, if it weren’t for my husband, I’d starve.

I collect recipes, but I don’t cook. I don’t even know how to properly cut an onion. I have NEVER been comfortable in the kitchen and truly admire anyone who is. Anyone that can whip up something amazing from odds and ends on hand is my hero.

Half a dozen times a year, I make dinner and last night was one of those rare occasions. If you told me on Sunday that I would be participating in Alicia’s (A Beautiful Mess) Tasty Tuesdays, I would have told you you were nuts, but never say never, right? Sometimes we even surprise ourselves.
Why I choose yesterday to tackle lasagna, one of the hottest days of summer we have had so far and a day in which I woke up feeling really crappy, is beyond me, but Lucas cooperated at the grocery store and graciously took a two hours nap so that I could busy myself in the kitchen.
My mother made a terrific lasagna that I could never replicate, even with the recipe staring me in the face, so I’ve been on the hunt for one equally good, but mine… not to mention a little healthier. I have made this dish twice before, but knew I was really on to something when my mother-in-law asked me for the recipe. She is a phenomenal cook so I took that as a huge compliment. I think this was my best effort.

Lucas even enjoyed several bites.
By the way, the leftovers are great, the clean up, not so much.
Turkey Lasagna with Spinach
From MarthaStewart.com

Ingredients – Serves 6

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chopped yellow onion
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound fresh ground turkey
1 (28-ounce) can plum tomatoes, crushed
1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
1 tablespoon chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil
1 (9-ounce) package no-boil lasagna noodles (ONE OF THE BEST INVENTIONS EVER!!)
15 ounces low-fat ricotta or low-fat cottage cheese
3/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 large egg, beaten
2 pounds fresh spinach, washed, but not dried
1 pound low-fat shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Add ground turkey and cook for about 10 minutes. Add plum tomatoes, tomato paste, and season with salt and pepper; let simmer until thickened, about 20 minutes. Stir in basil and parsley; set aside.
In a medium bowl, combine ricotta, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, and egg; season with salt and pepper and set aside.
Place damp spinach in a large skillet over medium heat; cook until wilted. Remove from heat and set aside.
Ladle 1/4 of the turkey mixture into a 9-by-13-inch baking dish; spread to cover. Add a pasta sheet, 1/3 of the mozzarella, 1/3 of the ricotta mixture, 1/3 of the spinach mixture, and another 1/4 of the turkey mixture. Repeat process two more times; top with remaining sheet of pasta. Sprinkle remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan over top. Line a piece of aluminum foil with parchment paper; spray parchment with nonstick cooking spray. Cover lasagna with prepared aluminum foil, parchment-side down, and transfer to oven. Bake until bubbly, 25 to 30 minutes.
Let stand about 5 minutes before cutting; serve.

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

Parenting Without Parents

Posted on June 19, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am parenting without parents. Are any of you?

People ask me about Lucas’ grandparents all the time. They know my husband’s parents live a two hour plane ride away and that we see them every month, but they don’t always know where my parents are. When I tell them, it always brings the conversation to a screeching halt. I hate it when that happens.

It’s always on my mind… my parents aren’t here.

My parents will never meet my son.

For those of you that don’t know, they both died almost three years ago of carbon monoxide poisoning. You can read details here.

A lot can happen in 32 months and every now and then, a little more than usual, (cue Lucas’ recent birthday, Father’s Day tomorrow and my birthday next week) I can’t stop thinking about, not only what they are missing, but what I am missing too. Can there be a statue of limitations on needing a mother even if you are a mother? I don’t think so.

It’s stupid really, I’m almost 38 and I have no one to call with my silly parenting questions. There’s no one to ask. Sure, I have a wonderful (much younger) sister, a loving aunt and uncle, a very smart mother-in-law, a supportive sister-in-law, who is also a mother of two and tons of amazing friends in the blog world and real life, but sometimes it feels like I’m flying solo on something I shouldn’t be.

To me, having a baby brings you closer to your own parents. You finally realize all the pain, suffering and worry they went through with you. Once you have a child of your own, you know just how much your mom and dad love you.

They should be here.

I should be having conversations about Lucas’ milestones, poop, food, toys and TV watching habits with my mom. I should be getting choked up over seeing my dad play with his grandson and rolling my eyes at them both when they try to put, yet another visit on the calendar. I should be asking them, “when did I do this, that or the other when I was his age?”.

It has only been one year!! How am I going to do this for the rest of my life? The rest of his life?

They would have been terrific grandparents.

Aside from two incredible people who built their lives around educating children, so much else was lost when my parents died; family traditions, history and a whole set of memories that I don’t share with anyone else but them. Whenever something crosses my mind that I think Lucas might be interested in or should know, I jot it down and more than once, I have poured my heart here. It helps, but I still miss them every day.

The best is yet to be.

No Escape

Posted on April 15, 2010 Written by Tonya

Loss is a part of my life and I can’t deny or ignore it, but I don’t want to own it and I certainly don’t know how to embrace it… yet.

My parents have been gone for two and a half years today.

Two and a half years too many.

There is no escape from loss.

Loss follows you wherever you go.

Reminders are everywhere.

Grief and loss are exhausting.

Time is no cure for grief or loss; they are constant.

As much as I don’t want the loss of my parents to define who I am, it is part of me.

I think about them every day and miss them more than words can describe.

I’m angry that they were taken from me too soon and heartbroken that you will never get to meet them.

This photo was taken on my wedding day, August 4, 2007. It was the last weekend I saw my parents alive.

I am grateful for the 35 years I had with my mom and dad, my memories of happier times, the lessons they taught me, photos I have of them, letters they wrote me, books, music and movies that we shared and enjoyed as a family and my sister, who shares my loss. Together, along with your father, we will make sure that you know your grandparents.

“Our loved ones are never truly gone from us. They remain in the landscape of our own life, as we will for those who come after us. So do right by them by celebrating your own greatness as well as remembering theirs.” – Allison DuBois

I press on because I know that my parents would want me to and because I believe that best is yet to be.

Day 51/100

No Related Posts

Party City

Posted on March 11, 2010 Written by Tonya

It has been a magical first year…so far, we still have three months to go and I can’t wait to celebrate! What they say is true about having children, the days are long, but the years are short. You were once, not so long ago, a tiny newborn and now you are a growing, learning, changing, on-the-go, toddler and this has been the best year of my life.

Back to the celebration part…

I was surprised recently to overhear fellow moms already planning their soon-to-be one year old’s birthday parties and down right shocked at how elaborate these plans sounded. What, I don’t understand I thought to myself, what is there to plan? Place your pride and joy in their highchair, let him go crazy with a cupcake, take a dozen cute photos for the baby book and toast your partner to a job well down. Hip hip hooray, you all three survived the first year!

I don’t believe that children’s birthday parties need to be huge, over the top affairs or include entertainment in the form of hiring the Wiggles, a man on tilts or renting a bouncy castle. Why do parents do this to themselves? Who needs that pressure? When did birthday parties get so out of hand?

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE birthdays and I think they should always be celebrated so that birthday boy or girl, no matter what their age, feels extra special on their special day. For a one year old, that can be done simply; at home, surrounded by family members, cake and ice cream and balloons. Even when you are old enough to have real friends to invite to a party, it doesn’t need to be a ton of work or super expensive to be memorable or fun. Otherwise, it’s an event for the adults, especially if alcohol is being served. 😉

When I was growing up I only remember having one some what bigger than usual birthday party and it was for my Sweet Sixteen. It was a blast! My mom had designed a scavenger hunt and got all of her friends in our neighborhood to participate. It was great fun, but it was also held a full month and a half before my actual birthday because I have a birthday that falls right smack dab in the middle of summer, when everyone I knew was on vacation, including me and my family. We might run into that with you too, since you are also a June baby. I’m sorry!

My birthdays growing up usually consisted of having my favorite meal for lunch (a Kid’s Meal at Burger King…such a treat!) or dinner (my mom’s lasagna, which is always better the next day) and then going to a movie of my choice with my mom. Great days!

At any rate, birthdays are suppose to be fun and not contests to see who can outdo each other. Needless to say, we don’t have any plans yet for your big first birthday, but I know they will include family, lots of photos and a hose. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

Day 16/100

No Related Posts

The Middle Place

Posted on March 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

The Middle Place is Kelly Corrigan’s memoir of her fight with breast cancer as well as her father’s battle with prostate cancer.

My sister-in-law gave me this book for my birthday back in June, but I didn’t have a chance to read it until over the holidays. I LOVED this book and it has been on my mind ever since I put it down. I highly recommend it.

Aside from the tender and honest way Corrigan writes about her family, loss and personal battles, what I appreciated and related to most was her description of the “middle place”, the period between raising her own children and still being a child herself.

“It is one thing to be a man’s wife–quite another to be the mother of his children. In fact, once you become a mother, being a wife seems like a game you once played or a self-help book you were overly impressed with as a teenager that on second reading is puffy with common ideas. This was one of many things I had learned since crossing over into the middle place–that sliver of time when childhood and parenthood overlap. One day you’re cheering your daughter through a swimming lesson or giving her a pat for crossing the monkey bars or reminding her to say “please,” and the next, you’re bragging to your parents about your newest trick–a sweet potato recipe, a raise at work, a fix for your ant problem. It’s a giant Venn diagram where you are the only member of both sets.”

I shed more than a few tears reading this book and couldn’t help but think about my own middle place. Here I am, a new mother experiencing more joy and frustration than I probably ever have before in my life and I don’t have my parents here to share it with. They aren’t here to tell me I’m doing it all wrong or doing it all right. I don’t have them to consult, commiserate or argue with, bounce ideas off of, or ask them what they did with me when I was Lucas’ age.

Yet, I’m still in that middle place.

Just because I lost my parents, does that mean I stopped being a kid myself? A daughter? Hmmmm, now which one of you faithful Letters For Lucas readers is going to tackle that $25,000 question? It’s a hard one. Even at 35 I felt like their kid and then with their deaths I had to grow up…fast. I had big time adult decisions to make and a younger sister to care for and advise and a brand new marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need an “‘atta girl”, but validation is always nice, especially coming from your parents. No one can argue with that. They raised me well and I have to believe that they would be proud of me and the mother I am becoming.

My parents spirits push me forward and I do see them in my son. Becoming a mother made me realize how much they loved me and well, that has to be enough.

The best is yet to be.

Day 9/100

No Related Posts

Safety First

Posted on March 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

The baby proofer (Baby Safe Home) we hired is here today outfitting our house with baby gates, drawer and cabinet latches, toilet locks and furniture braces, all in an effort to keep Lucas safe.

We discovered that our home is NOT protected by a carbon monoxide detector. I am sick over this and needless to say we are having one installed right now.

My parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning, so this is a topic that is very near and dear to me.

I feel like such an idiot! I was under the impression that all homes built after 1980 (in this country) were automatically equip with one. I didn’t know how wrong I was!!

In North America, only state, provincial and municipal governments have statutes requiring installation of CO detectors in construction – among them: Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin and West Virginia, as well as New York City.

Please, please, please check that your home has one and if not, get one immediately!!

The devices, which retail for $20-$60 and are widely available, can either be battery-operated or AC powered (with or without a battery backup). Battery lifetimes have been increasing as the technology has developed and certain battery powered devices now advertise a battery lifetime of over 6 years. All CO detectors have “test” buttons like smoke detectors.

CO detectors can be placed near the ceiling or near the floor because CO is very close to the same density as air.

Since CO is colorless, tasteless and odorless, detection in a home environment is impossible without such a warning device. It is a highly toxic inhalant and attracts to the hemoglobin (in the blood stream) 200x faster than oxygen, producing inadequate amounts of oxygen traveling through the body. It can kill.

For more information, please visit the Public Safety and Security Information Hub Web site.

The best is yet to be and I will sleep a little sounder tonight.

Day 8/100

The Spirit Of Christmas

Posted on December 16, 2009 Written by Tonya

My mother loved Christmastime and our house was always decked out for the holidays. She is the reason Hallmark exists! We always had a beautiful tree covered with colorful international treasures from our life overseas and all the traveling we had done together. She loved snow globes and nativity scenes and every year one whole couch would be completely covered with her motley crew of Christmas guys (stuffed animals dressed in red and green). She had Christmas dishes strewn about the house filled with holiday candy and would have enough baked goods on hand to guarantee at least a three to five pound weight gain after each visit. She was a big fan of the Christmas letter (writing and receiving them) and she loved shopping for our holiday cards and stationary the day after Christmas for the following year. I remember many 5:00 AMs on December 26 rifling through bins of picked over greeting cards to find enough boxes for everyone on her and my father’s Christmas list. I swear they sent 300 cards!

I miss my mother every day but especially during the holiday season. She made Christmas special with her childlike enthusiasm and overall joy.

My dad, on the other hand was the exact opposite. Sure, he loved the Christmas cookies, but growing up, his family would put up their Christmas tree the day before Christmas and take it down the day after, or so he said. He would often tell my mom to buy what she wanted and he would wrap it and put it under the tree. Over the years, he started to get into it more and I think even began to enjoy picking out gifts for all of us and eventually came to understand the element of surprise, however, his wrapping always left a lot to be desired! See picture above; that is VHS tape wrapped around a present. My dad also had a vast collection of holiday music and liked to play it constantly the week of Christmas.

One of my favorite family holiday traditions on Christmas day was after all the presents were opened and prominently displayed in front of the tree (another tradition), we would go to a movie. Many big blockbusters open on Christmas day and we had fun trying to agree on which one to see. After the movie we would come home and make leftover turkey sandwiches and each have a slice of pie. Chocolate pudding for me, pumpkin for my dad, and pecan for my mom and sister.

This will be my third Christmas without my parents and it is very different now; and for me it has lost some of the magic. My in-laws have done their best to include me and my sister in their holiday, but I am looking forward to creating new traditions with Lucas and hopefully seeing some of that lost Christmas spirit shine through him.

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

In Memoriam

Posted on October 15, 2009 Written by Tonya

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
– Eskimo Proverb

Kathryn Ruppert Adams
November 10, 1948 – October 15, 2007

Michael Stephen Adams
January 28, 1947 – October 15, 2007

Rest In Peace.

No Related Posts

For My Broken Heart

Posted on August 31, 2009 Written by Tonya

The last time I saw my parents alive was the day after my wedding, Sunday, August 5, 2007.

My sister and I choose to remember them most on October 15, the day we were notified of their passing.

Sometime between Friday, October 12, 2007 at 8:00 PM and Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 8:00 AM they died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

They were 61 and 58 respectively…too young to die.

My parents lived overseas and dedicated their lives to working at American international schools around the globe for 28 years. My father was the principal of a kindergarten through 12th grade school in Tunis, Tunisia and my mother was a third grade teacher. They died in Tunisia.

For those of you who don’t know, carbon monoxide is odorless, colorless and is the second-leading cause of poisoning deaths in the U.S. Carbon monoxide poisoning claims nearly 500 lives and another 15,000 require emergency room treatment. It can kill you before you know it because you can’t see it, smell it, or taste it. A water heater vent was damaged in my parent’s kitchen and it emitted carbon monoxide into their home killing them.

It’s hard to be the one left behind to pick up the pieces, ask the unanswerable questions and it’s ridiculous to walk around angry at an inanimate object.

Most of the time I just feel robbed.

My parents were anything but done with this life.One week to the day before their bodies were found, they had decided to retire and return to their stateside home in Arizona. They were anxious to see my sister, Leah who had recently graduated from college, start her life and begin building a career, they looked forward to us both having grandchildren (they would have been amazing grandparents and would have completely adored and doted on Lucas and had a long list of things they wanted to do to their home and trips they were excited to take. It’s unfair that they were taken from us too soon. I miss them every single day and ache to hear their voices again.

I’m mostly sorry that my son will never get to meet them in the physical sense.

I hope between me, my sister, my husband and others that knew them well, Lucas will know them in a different way.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but I will forever believe that the best is yet to be.

Celebrating 41 Years

Related Posts:

A Labor Of Love – Tasty Tuesdays 1

Related Posts:

Parenting Without Parents

Related Posts:

No Escape

Related Posts:

Party City

Related Posts:

The Middle Place

Related Posts:

Safety First

Related Posts:

The Spirit Of Christmas

Related Posts:

In Memoriam

Related Posts:

For My Broken Heart

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

What I Write About