The moment I delivered Lucas I realized just how much my parents loved me because the love I felt for my newborn son was deeper and stronger than anything I had ever experienced before.

Fast forward 22 months and that love is still there and grows each and every day, but now I wonder, how on earth did they do it? How did my parents survive the terrible twos? I want to kill this kid.

Last week was rough on me as a mother.

Last week was a break down and cry kind of week for me.

If I thought Lucas was being difficult on Monday when we had to leave music class early because he was so fixated on seeing the fish at Sea Life Aquarium that he wouldn’t participate in class, head butted me, threw his shoes across the room and almost knocked out another child with one his three kicking and screaming episodes, I had no clue what I was in store for Tuesday through Sunday.

Let’s just say, things got progressively worse.

I broke down in tears a lot.

I haven’t done that since Lucas was a newborn and I was severely sleep deprived and my post pregnancy hormones were out of control.

Now, it’s my son that’s out of control…

It was a week full of temper tantrums, time outs, whining, crying, throwing food, mess after mess after mess, few naps, fewer smiles, abandoned plans, lots of yelling, lots of hitting (on Lucas’ part, not mine), head shaking in disgust, exhaustion and confusion, mother’s guilt beyond belief, a 90 minute phone call to a seasoned mother I trust and often turn to for advice and two very frustrated parents.

It’s like he’s reverting and I’m left wondering; what the hell happened to my sweet little boy?!

I know this is all “normal” behavior for an almost two year old and will eventually pass, but I’m at my wits end and what little patience I have is shot.

I know it’s wrong, but all I can think is:

I feed, dress and comfort this child all day every day and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I plan fun outings, enroll us in classes together, schedule play dates with friends, make trips to three different stores to find his favorite snacks and refill his sippy cup each time he asks for “more” and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I read and sing to him, wipe his nose, make sure he stays out of harms way and get down on the floor and play trains and cars with him and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I can’t leave the house without returning with a new toy, book or article of clothing and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I think about my son every waking hour, what I’m doing wrong, what I’m doing right, his well being and love him more than anything else in my life and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

If you really knew me, you would know that motherhood has been kicking my a** lately and I’m really hoping to turn a corner soon.

How did you survive the terrible twos?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 3.) If you really knew me, you would know that…

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