Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

In The Blink Of An Eye

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Dear Lucas,

It’s hard to imagine you as a teenager when you are currently in diapers, learning your colors, letters and numbers, trying to ween off the bottle, temper your temper tantrums and are about to begin potty training (God help me!).

But, in the blink of an eye, you’ll be there: adolescence. I am so excited for you and all the wonderful things you are about to experience.

You are a delightful toddler and bring so much joy my life. Although we have had our struggles, our bond is strong in large part, I’d like to think, because I let you be your own person. It took a while, but I soon realized that you needed your independence in order to thrive. You have had a strong disposition and character from the moment you were born and both have earned my respect. I hope we always have this comfortable unspoken understanding and that we remain close.

I also hope that you are as sweet today as you were when you were small; that you smile and greet strangers, are polite, kind and considerate and that you never lose your sense of curiosity.

You are in such an amazing time of your life; not quite an adult and no longer a child. You are growing physically and emotionally, so be patient with yourself because being a teenager can be confusing, frustrating and stressful, but also a whole lot of fun! In other words, don’t be afraid to get into trouble every now and then, just no collect calls from jail, please.

No matter what you are going through, your dad and I will always be here to answer any questions you may have and we will do it openly and honestly, with only your best interests at heart. Come to us with anything, day or night. Just know that sometimes the advice we offer, you won’t want to hear. Try to trust us, we were teenagers once too.

The friends you make and the experiences you are having right now will shape your future. Think twice about the decisions you are faced with, seek advice when needed and along the way, explore, enjoy and endure. It goes by so fast.

Please remember how important family is and that we want to be there for all your highs and lows. For as long as I live, or as long as you’ll let me, I will support you, clothe you, feed you and be your biggest cheerleader, no matter what you do.

I love you more than words can express. Today and always.

Love,
Mom

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Prompt 4.) A letter to your future teen.

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The Terrible Twos: A Preview?

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It seems as though with 18 months came the onset of the “terrible twos”.

And the stink eye…Mean, huh?

I was not prepared for either one.

Lucas has been having melt downs pretty much since the day we brought him home. They were few and far between and we learned very quickly that he can’t be in one place for very long, needing and relishing change to his environment. But now, these melt downs are full blown temper tantrums and they can be wicked.

There are two to three a day and we have learned to minimize our interference and just let him go through it. It’s safer for everyone involved.

We have never hit Lucas. As parents we do not believe in spanking, so we never will (I have been tempted for sure, but have refrained).

But he hits.

When he’s mad or frustrated or bonks himself on the corner of a table, he hits it. He hits us. He hits himself.

It’s scary.

Where do children learn to do this? Is it a natural instinct, a protection mechanism? Is it a boy thing, or do girls do it too? When does it subside? Please tell me it subsides!

More than once recently, Lucas has been put in a Time-Out for hitting and throwing things with very little to zero effectiveness. He thinks it’s a game. We don’t want Time-Out to be a punishment necessarily, but an opportunity for him to reset himself, i.e. modify his crappy behavior.

I have read that 18 months is not too early to start this practice, but we are novices and it doesn’t seem to be going very well so far.

Today, I bought a designated Time-Out chair. Hopefully it will help him understand we mean business. Any Time-Out advice?

When did the terrible twos begin in your house and what else can we expect from them? I miss my sweet boy.

Lucas turned 19 months on Thursday. I can’t wait to see what this month will bring. Wish us luck…

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You’ve Got A Friend In Me

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1. Thoughtful
2. Meticulous
3. Curious
4. Reserved
5. Loyal

When you first meet me, you might think I’m shy, quiet, obstinate, stuck-up, or even bitchy. And those five words describe me pretty well too.

Sometimes.

You see, I don’t let just anyone and everyone in. I have a very close knit circle of friends and only a very few get to ever know the real me, but once I decide to let down my guard and share myself, you will have a friend in me for life.


You can trust me to be faithful and true
You can trust me through and through

When you hurt, I hurt
I’m always here to comfort

I’m the friend you can call in the middle of the night
Tell me your troubles and I’ll help you see the light

I may not always have the best advice to give
But I’ll listen with an open mind and heart and always be supportive

When you need a friend, I’ll be there
This I promise, this I swear

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #2 Describe yourself in five words. Choose one, and write a poem.

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Seeing Red

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Typically I only share the very best side of Lucas; the cute adorable side.

Don’t be fooled, this boy has a range of emotions and in his short 17 months, we have seen him go from happy-go-lucky to pissed off in nothing flat.

Every now and then, I happen to have a camera close by so I can capture this other, more colorful side of my son:
This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.

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VOTE!

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I had a post all ready for tomorrow about how my son should be completely embarrassed by me because I didn’t vote today, because I couldn’t be bothered, didn’t really care, it was inconvenient, I don’t know enough about the candidates or Propositions, or even politics for that matter. My list of excuses went on and on…

But then I realized I wouldn’t be setting a very good example for him if I didn’t exercise my national privilege and personal freedom. So, shortly after our nanny arrived, I sat in front of my computer and educated myself. I looked up all the candidates and Propositions, found my local polling place and then made my way there.

I left feeling a sense of nation pride, personal satisfaction and a smile on my face.

If you haven’t made it to your polling site yet, there’s still time!

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When You Mess With My Kid, You Mess With Me

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Today Lucas and I spent another fun afternoon at Kidsville, also known as, my new favorite place for kids on the planet and I encountered something that I wasn’t expecting and still not sure how to handle in the future: rude children and parents that do nothing about it.

Kidsville is somewhat of a free for all in that children of all ages, I would say up to 6 can run around and play with all of the toys available. The older the child, the less supervision needed, so you’ll find moms and dads parked on sofas that border the facility tapping away on their smart phones. Or, you’ll find moms like me chasing after their tots ‘just in case’, but in all honesty there isn’t much Lucas could hurt himself with or on.

Or, so I thought, until today…

This one particular little girl, maybe a year older than Lucas followed us around for a while and whatever he had, she wanted and made it perfectly known by snatching it from him and knocking him down almost every time. I was right there, so luckily no one got hurt, but it definitely confused Lucas.

I was careful not to lose my cool and said things like: “that’s not very nice”, “okay, if she wants to play with it, let’s move on to something else” and “we need to share, Lucas, let’s give her a turn” all the while nonchalantly looking around for this child’s parents who never made themselves known.

Eventually, the little girl moved on to something else, however, I’m still puzzled. We have been working on the sharing concept with Lucas for a while now, which I know is a bound to be difficult to understand for young minds. Where were the girl’s parents and for future reference, what do you do when a parent doesn’t do anything about their child’s rude behavior beyond removing him from the situation? Should I have said something to management or sought the parents out and brought it to their attention?

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Patience

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My husband is a very patient person.

I, on the other hand, hate waiting in lines.

I hate red lights.

I am not good at dealing with my son’s temper tantrums.

I have several of my own temper tantrums each week.

I want things done N.O.W. and I have ZERO tolerance for people that dawdle or indecisiveness. I don’t like to “wait and see” or “talk about it again later”. I want to make a decision and move on.

They say patience is a virtue. Well, I don’t get it. Clearly, I don’t have very much of it and while I’d like to think I’m working on it, I don’t really know that I am.

What makes one person more patient than another?

How do you develop patience?

What is so virtuous about patience anyway?

Does being patient really make you a better person?

Ah, patience, you slay me!

Webster’s dictionary defines [being] patient as:
1. enduring pain, trouble, etc. without complaint
2. calmly tolerating insult, delay, confusion, etc.
3. showing calm endurance
4. diligent; persevering

Well, no wonder people (I) have such a difficult time with it. If being patient is equated with enduring pain without complaint and calmly tolerating insult, then you can keep it. It does me no good.

It sure makes patience sound like taking on a martyr “suffering in silence” role, doesn’t it? No, thank you!

But, if I think about patience in terms of showing calm endurance, being diligent and persevering, then MAYBE I can SORT OF see a different aspect of patience and one that for a mommy like me, should aspire to be.

Yesterday was one of those days that particularly tried my patience.

Thank goodness my husband is a very patient person.

The best is yet to be.

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Moving On

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Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you’re presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power. – Blaine Lee

Friendships shouldn’t be difficult, but sometimes they can be a downright messy and very complicated endeavor.

Some friendships die a natural death: people move, change jobs, start a family, or embark on a completely different stage of life. Other friendships, however, end prematurely and abruptly. When a friendship is over and you don’t always understand why and it can be painful and puzzling. Sometimes a friend ends your relationship without even telling you and sometimes they are able to muster up enough courage to FINALLY say all the things they have wanted to say for a very, very long time.

I spent a good part of last week stewing over a friendship I have had for 20 years. We exchanged scathing e-mails and I ended up sharing some things that were WAY overdue. Should one of us have picked up the phone to discuss our issues? Absolutely, but e-mail has always sort of been “our thing” due to our geographic challenges.

It would take an entire blog to describe all the ups and downs and twists and turns I have had with this person over the years, so I’ll spare you the torrid details and just say that like in any relationship, there were good times and some nice memories that I will always cherish, but ultimately, pride, ego and an unwillingness or inability to “show up” played a huge role in the end of our friendship.

I am certainly not perfect and there are two sides to every story, but this is my blog, so you can figure out which one of us I think was the selfish one.

I have experienced monumental changes during the last three years (I got re-married, lost both of my parents at the same time, left a 10+ year career in marketing to deal with the fall out and became a mother) and my friend wasn’t much of a friend to me during any of these life altering moments and instead of saying anything to her, I pretended that everything was okay.

It wasn’t.

To be fair, she had fallen on tough times too and has spent the last three years trying to find steady work, all the while nursing a back injury sustained from an auto accident and in my opinion popping too many pills and letting herself spiral out of control. Every e-mail I received was worse than the last, a virtual “woe is me” tale of sending out resumes, worry over paying medical bills, asking for money, a repossessed car, and “boy toys”.

Ah, can you say different phases of life?

I am not saying that what was going on her life was was any less important than what was going on in mine, but there was so little acknowledgement of my burdens that it bruised my heart.

How does this relate to Lucas and/or motherhood?

I believe when you become a parent, you gain a much clearer view of the world around you, the relationships you have and what your priorities are. I literally don’t have the time to build egos or coddle anyone but my son (and occasionally my husband) anymore!

Friendship plays a key role in shaping an individual and in making the person he or she turns out to be. I have always thought of myself as a good friend. Thoughtful, loyal, fun to be with and above all engaged. I get caught up in the details sometimes and admit to having high expectations, but over the years, I have realized that that is okay. Why shouldn’t I expect the very same that I give in return? I want nothing less for my son and the friendships he will cultivate someday. 

There is a lesson in this loss for me… hopefully, I’m little wiser and will be a lot more open in future. Life is too short.

Today, I feel lighter and a tiny bit sad. I am proud of myself for finally speaking my mind and letting her know how I feel about her absence over the years, but I will miss her and moving on, will think of her only with fondness.

The best is yet to be.

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I Spy

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Your dad has been away on a business trip all weekend and a part from a few hours today, when I had a luxurious massage followed my lunch with a friend, it has been just you and me.

You have been an absolute joy (see Friday’s post for my thoughts on that) and I have realized that if I could earn a salary for watching you, I’d be a millionaire!

I love to spy on you as you try to figure things out; like how the wheels turn on your toy train and how if you push a button, the music comes back on. You appear so deep in concentration as you move from station to station in your bedroom… from the toy box over to the book shelf, on to the basket that holds all of your stuffed animals and then to the window sills. You are very busy and always seem to be on an exploration. You are deep into cause and effect and how things work right now and it is fascinating to observe.

You make very calculated movements, as though you think your next step though before you bolt off to do it. This is such an incredible characteristic to witness take shape as you learn more about the world around you and one that you most definitely did NOT inherit from me.

You are really smart. I know, I’m your mother so I may be a bit biased, but you know to turn a book around when it is upside down and when you see a funny picture, you actually laugh.

I sat and stared at you for at least 5 minutes while you rediscovered a book that you hadn’t seen in a while. You flipped slowly through it, page by page and giggled quietly to yourself at the smiling babies that you saw inside and when you were done, you started right back at the beginning. I watched you do this four times in row. It was so endearing and I didn’t even know it, but tears started rolling out down my face.

Maybe I was still on a “spa high”, maybe my hormones are on overdrive (will they EVER return to normal?!?) or perhaps, and I’m banking on this one, I’m simply in love with my son and everything he does.

Today was a good day, but as always, the best is yet to be.

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