challenges

Adding To Our Family

Posted on October 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

The last time I owned a pet (other than a fish), I was 13. 32 years ago today (!) my family got a puppy.

The day we brought Licorice home, October 5, 1979.

Part Labrador, part Poodle and way before they were called Labradoodles, Licorice was black with a little patch of white fur on her chest. She was sweetest and smartest dog I’ve ever been around.

Running along the ocean was one of Licorice’s favorite activities and we had to spell the word beach or she would go bonkers.

Despite sleeping at the foot of my bed, to be fair Licorice was my mother’s dog. We had her for six years and when we moved, we gave her to some friends that lived down the street.

My mother and Licorice, circa 1982

It’s time for another dog.

My husband STRONGLY disagrees.

ARGUMENTS FOR GETTING A DOG:

We’ve been wanting to add to our family. A pet would be a perfect addition teaching Lucas responsibility and giving him a wonderful life long playmate.
We have a large backyard with plenty of room for a pooch to roam.
I don’t think a more unconditional love exists than the one between a dog and it’s owner. Even when you’re feeling (and acting) miserable, they still love you.
Lucas really like dogs, although to be honest (much to my chagrin), he seems like more of a cat person. WE WILL NOT BE OWNING A CAT!! EVER.
I love to walk and vow to be in charge of this daily (and nightly) activity.
Extra security… for when my husband travels.
Opportunity to give a dog a second chance by adopting or saving a pound puppy.
Who could resist these precious faces?

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Image courtesy of Snowesti. Click image for source.

ARGUMENTS AGAINST GETTING A DOG:

Discovering my favorite shoes chewed to smithereens.
We can’t even potty train our son, how would we ever potty train an animal?
No more spontaneous (or the other variety) trips – kenneling is expensive.
Vet care, food, toys, bedding, treats, etc. are also expensive.
Training. Ugh!
Shedding. Sigh.
Poop.
Saying good-bye is inevitable.

Okay, he may have won this argument… for now.

What do you think? Do you own a dog? What love and hate about pet ownership?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, 1.) Share a disagreement you’re having with someone and let your readers be the judge!

Calming The Mind

Posted on August 31, 2011 Written by Tonya

The lights have been dimmed and the curtains drawn.

There is pleasant flute music playing in the background and I smell lavender.

I’m trying to quiet my mind.

I feel the warmth of a heat lamp placed directly above my stomach as I lay flat on my back with a circular pillow supporting my knees.

The faint sound of bass rises from the fitness center downstairs and interrupts my thoughts, but only for a moment.

I am careful not to move.

I wish I were getting a massage, but the effects would not be as lasting, instead I have 14 tiny needles in my body; two in each ear, two in each leg, one in each foot, three in my stomach and one in my left wrist. I’m still uncertain of each of their functions, but I trust in the ancient, time-tested technique.

The needles don’t hurt at all, but I feel ridiculous. I will stay like this for 20 minutes.

This is my third treatment, all in an effort to increase blood flow to my uterus, flush out my system and reduce stress and anxiety.

I am optimistic.

Pushover

Posted on August 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

There are bribes to get in and out of the car, move from one activity to the next, bribes to brush teeth, put on and take off articles of clothing, do things and behave the way I want him to.

The dialogue varies from threats and time outs to special privileges, sweet treats and new toys.

The negotiations are clever and cunning and downright exhausting.

All day, every day scenarios like these play out in my home:

SCENARIO 1 – Getting out the door

Me: [Matter-of-factly] Lucas, we need to leave in five minutes, buddy. Let’s get your shoes on.
Him: grumble grumble something that sounds like: I’m playing cars right now.

Me: [Excitedly] Don’t you remember? It’s tumble class day!
Him: No tumble class!

Me: [Way over excited] C’mon, it’ll be fun, you love tumble class.
Him: silence

Me: [Questioning] Lucas?
Him: I’m playing cars right now.

Me: [Exasperated] Let’s get your shoes on. We have to go!
Him: silence

Me: [Defeated] I’ll let you watch TV in the car, if you let me put your shoes on and we get out the door.

OUTCOME: Shoes on and we’re off! Class goes pretty well but as usual, an hour is generally 15 minutes too long for either of us.

SCENARIO 2 – Running an errand

Me: [Nonchalantly] I need to go to the grocery store and get a few things, will you come with me?
Him: No, no grocery store!

Me: [Pleading] Lucas, we don’t have any milk and you finished your favorite cereal this morning. Plus, I need get some veggies to have with our chicken tonight. You can help me pick them out.
Him: No veggies.

Me: [Begging] Please. It’ll be a quick trip, I promise.
Him: No, no grocery store.

Me: [Defeated] What about getting a new car while we are at the grocery store?

OUTCOME: We are at the grocery store crossing items off my list and adding another car to our already out of control collection.

SCENARIO 3 – Taking a nap

Me: Why don’t we go in your room and read some books?
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: No one said anything about a nap. Let’s go read!
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: Why don’t you pick out three books for me to read to you?
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: Listen kid, you need to take a nap.
Him: No!

Me: Okay, why don’t we just lay down and watch TV?
Him: I need a snack.

Me: Okay, I’ll get a snack if you come read with me.

OUTCOME: A very long afternoon for two frustrated people because the snack of choice always contains sugar.

SCENARIO 4 – Eating

Me: What do you want for lunch?
Him: How about mac ‘n’ cheese?

Me: That’s sounds good.
Him: No, I want yogurt.

Me: Okay, what kind? We have vanilla, blueberry and peach.
Him: Peach

Me: Here you go!
Him: No, I want a waffle and a banana.

Me: What about your yogurt?
Him: No, I want a banana!

Me: Okay, here’s a banana. Do you still want the waffle?
Him: I want mac ‘n’ cheese.

OUTCOME: Nothing is eaten, everything is thrown away and I swear I’ll make him eat whatever I put in front of him for the next meal. It doesn’t happen. Ever.

Please tell me I’m not the only pushover mom out there.

Please!

When Daddy’s Away

Posted on August 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

“You’re the yin to my yang, the ping to my pong, the normal to my crazy. Let’s be us together.” – The Big C

When Daddy’s away, there will be:

phone calls on speaker phone and cute photos and videos sent.
more time spent in jammies.
pizza lunch dates, dessert after every meal and sitting at Lucas’ table for snacks.
fewer time-outs.
preschool drop-offs that require more than support than the front office coordinator is able to provide.
requests to sleep in”Mommy and Daddy’s bed”.
bedtimes that get dragged out past 9:00 and nightmares at 1 o’clock in the morning.
tempers that flare and patience lost.
too many glasses of wine consumed.
more appreciation felt than ever expressed.

Lucas misses his daddy as much as I do. Only one more sleep until he’s home!

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: Yin Yang was chosen by Zook Book Nook.

Lesson Plans

Posted on August 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

My son has already taught me so much in his short 26 months on earth; lessons I didn’t even realize I had learned until after the fact, some I desperately needed to learn and many I’m still struggling to embrace. I know my teacher has only just begun and there is much more wisdom to be gained, but in 26 months, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Play, dance, sing, run, eat – essentially, do everything with abandon!
Find pleasure in the small things. There is wonder all around us, whether it’s an ant moving along the sidewalk, a water fountain, an orange tree, a song I’ve heard a hundred times or literally stopping to smell the roses.
Playtime and imagination are necessary for survival. Laundry, dishes and errands can wait, being silly cannot.
Love. As boundless as I think my love for Lucas is, it grows each and every day surprising and touching me in ways I never thought possible.
Roll with the punches, go with the flow and realize that plans change. Toddler time is different that real time and that’s okay. I’m learning to plan accordingly.
Laugh more. Some words and sounds (typically of the bodily function variety) are funny.
Patience is most definitely a virtue. This is one of those teachings I struggle with. Daily!
Connection is key. Sitting down and communicating with others helps to see things from a different perspective and lets you know they care.
Time flies when you’re having fun. Toddlers are only toddlers for a short period of time and every single moment should be appreciated.
Every now and then, a time-out is in order. Breaks are good. Counting to 10, breathing deeply and full bodied Cabernets aren’t bad either!

What is your child teaching you?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop,

Prompt 4.) 10 Lessons your child could teach you.

Ready For More!

Posted on June 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

Motherhood is no laughing matter. Okay, sometimes an eruption of giggles is what gets me through the day, but it is the hardest job I have ever had.

It’s difficult to communicate with a toddler that thinks climbing on furniture, darting into traffic and throwing his food on the floor is the funniest thing he’s ever done.

There are times when all I can do is count down to the moment Daddy gets home because what I know what Lucas and I both really need is a break from one another.

There are entire days that suck.

There are full weeks that suck.

Last week was one of those weeks for me.

Lucas refused to nap for three days in a row and I was at my wits end. I know our days of naps are numbered, but when you couple no naps with a feisty, overactive child and a mom ready to throw in the towel, bad things can happen.

I was ready to take the first 40+ hour/week job offered to me and never look back. It got that bad.

There is only so much Play-doh, Yo Gabba Gabba, cars, trains and visits to the park one mommy can handle. Not to mention the messes. Or yelling.

There’s only so much this too will pass, it’s just a phase, he’s only two years old, you’re doing a good job pep talks that I can give myself.

There’s only so much.

I even had my sister here for two days to help out, but I think that almost made things worse.

At any rate, it’s a new week, I’m feeling much better (stronger) and I’m back to learning How To Really Love Motherhood.

I found the above on Pinterest last night and it really resonated with me. For as frustrating as motherhood can be, it’s also amazing and wonderful and I do (mostly) love every minute.

In other words, I was able to unwind this weekend and now, I am ready for more!

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

I have been thinking about my earlier post all day and it is now true confession time.

If I’m going to share my life with all of you and eventually Lucas himself, then I have to share the good, the bad and the ugly…

By and large, Sea World is one of those places that is great for busy toddlers; there is tons of open and safe places for them to roam around and explore, provided there aren’t swarms of people and you’re up for some exercise.

So, yes while we had a very fun day yesterday, Lucas has decided that the stroller is a torture chamber.

Full.

On.

Meltdown.

Every time I tried to get him into the stroller so that we could venture on to the next exhibit.

He wanted only to be on the ground and mobile, not strapped in or confined.

There were tears and sweat and head butts and one skinned knee.

It wasn’t pretty.

I have decided that I’m NOT cut out for these tantrums.

They are embarrassing and exhausting and leave me feeling completely helpless and awful. They make me want to package up my child, take him home and never leave the house with him again.

These fits of rage never last very long, but it is as though the devil himself possesses my son for four minutes and for me it is an excruciating 240 seconds. Seriously, it is the worst part of parenting… so far.

I am hoping these outbursts are just a phase. Somebody, please tell me that this is just a phase. Lucas has only been walking for three months, so I know that it is still very new and exciting to him.

So, there you have it. There were oh, four of these episodes yesterday. Luckily they got tamer as the day wore on because his little legs got tired, but nevertheless, they took their toll on both of us.

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Oh, What A Night!

Posted on July 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

Last night I checked on Lucas, as I do every night before turning in myself around 9:30 and as soon as I walked into his bedroom, I smelled something awful. I had forgotten to empty the diaper pail and his laundry basket was overflowing. He was fast asleep (and breathing), so I thought if it wasn’t his behind, I’d just crack open a window and call it a night.

I found his lovey at the far end of the crib and as I grabbed it and was tucking it under his arm, I discovered it was soaking wet. I then turned on the overhead light and found one whole end of the crib was soaking wet as well and there were little white chunks all over him and his bed. Poor baby had thrown up and was now sleeping in it.

Eeewwwww! I’d much rather clean up poop; at least it’s usually confined to one area.

He hadn’t made a peep for 3 1/2 hours. He could have choked! Thank goodness I went in there. But what was I suppose to do now? I couldn’t let him sleep in soiled sheets and jammies. I had to wake him up and change everything out.

Surprisingly, he was in a very good mood considering he was just woken from a sound sleep but quickly became completely confused and very agitated. He started following me all over the house sobbing as I struggled to remove the bumper pad, dust ruffle, mattress pad, sheets and blankets from his bed, find new sheets, start laundry, pull out a fresh pair of pjs, wipe him off, change him, etc.

At one point, he made his way into our room where he quickly found the huge glass of water on my bedside table and proceeded to dump it all over himself. And so ensues another round of clean up and new jammies.

Oh, I haven’t even mention the best part yet…this happens on a night my husband is out to dinner with a colleague.

In LA.

Two hours away.

Lucky me.

He got home just in time to help me try to get Lucas back to sleep, which didn’t happen until after midnight.

Needless to say, I’m more than a little grouchy this morning because even though he was up for 2 1/2 hours in the middle of the night, Lucas still woke up at the butt crack of dawn this morning. What is up with that?!

We both need a break from one another. Thank goodness I have a babysitter coming in T-minus two hours.

The best is yet to be.

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Just The Two Of Us

Posted on June 11, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am lucky to have the very best partner on the planet because I honestly could NOT do this parenting thing on my own and I have so much respect for mommy’s that do.

My husband and I make a great tag team because he knows how crucial my “me time”, friend time, sleep and need to have a couple of moments to regroup (AKA blog about my day) are to me and how important my getting those things makes me a better mother. I can only hope I do the same for him.

Having said all that…

I have a confession to make: sometimes it is just way easier to do it on my own. Not that my husband and I have different parenting styles; he is MORE than capable, a wonderful father and I have no qualms about their time together or the way in which he does things with our son, BUT Lucas and I have a thing going, a routine and everything just seems to work a little better/easier/smoother when it is just us.

I attribute this to being Lucas’ primary care giver, the one that spends the most time with him and the fact that oh, I don’t know, I’m the mom. Seriously, why is it that only Mommy will do in certain situations or on days that end in the letter ‘y’? I still marvel at the fact that I could mean so much to one little person. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, while at the same time, bugs the living shit out me!

Apart from the joy and frustration of being the most important person in my young son’s life, I swear he does behave slightly better when it’s just he and I, I think the tag teaming thing irks him.

Sorry, little buddy, your dad is here to stay. Here’s to my partner!

The best is yet to be.

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Stupid @#!%^ House!!

Posted on June 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

I can see the headline now:

SAN DIEGO MOTHER STUFFS TODDLER
(AND LARGE TOY)
DOWN DRAIN PIPE.

Ever since we returned from our trip to Australia, Lucas has been waking up in the middle of the night every other night, or so needing a bottle. We thought he was just getting used to being home and the time difference, etc., so we obliged.

We are idiots!

We have been home over a month and I’m pretty sure he’s pulling one over on us now. So, three nights ago, on his birthday nevertheless, we stopped getting up with him and started to let him work it out. It was working great, until last night when I forgot to remove the latest distraction.

Meet the culprit:

The Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Learning Home

Cute enough, right? But very dangerous! It turns out if this thing, a once thought of as the perfect birthday gift from Mommy & Daddy is within eyesight, Lucas won’t sleep. Lucas wants to play.

He was up from 1:15 – 1:45 whining and carrying on and I thought trying to go back to sleep, but when I finally went in to his room, he was sitting up in his crib with his “take me to Disneyland look” pointing at the house. I comforted him, explained that it was nighttime and that he could play with his new toy in the morning, to which he promptly rolled on to his tummy, which usually indicates he’s going to cooperate. I also removed the house from his room only to set the music off, which only ignited his desire to play with it. Stupid @#!%^ house!! A complete melt down ensues and it’s now almost 2:00 in the morning.

He was still whining at 2:15 and 2:30, upon which time I got him a bottle, cursed the world and thanked God it was at this point that Dad took over. I was so pissed!

Needless to say, we have made up (sort of), but are both sleep deprived today.

The best is yet to be.

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Adding To Our Family

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