birthdays

67 – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

The photographer at my wedding was awful.

I take that back, his photographs were fine, but he ran around like a nut and was completely drenched in sweat while wearing a black shirt. Ew.

Every time I turned around there was the photographer snapping away.

Every time anyone turned around there was the photographer.

To be fair there wasn’t a lot of subject matter or space because my husband and I had a very small wedding, at our home, in the backyard with just 26 guests.

At one point and long before his three hour commitment had expired, we asked him to leave.

And yet he still managed to send two discs with nearly 1000 pictures. At the time I only loved a handful or deemed “frame quality”. And the rest? The rest turned out to be lovely candid shots that I treasure. Especially the ones of my parents. Somehow our photographer was able to capture many of my parents expressions and I am so grateful to have these photos now.

My mother would have been 67 today and this is one of my favorite photos of her from my wedding. That’s my father in the background. Both of them holding cameras. And champagne.

This is how I choose to remember them.

Unposed.

Beautiful.

Happy.

Photo by Rob Fadtke – August 4, 2007

The Parker Palm Springs

Posted on August 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I fell in love on my birthday.

I can’t stop thinking about tbe weekend getaway my husband and I took.

It was perfect start to finish.

The only problem, as it often is with getaways, it was too short.

And now, I’m left pining for a hotel.

I had never heard of The Parker Palm Springs before our hairstylist recommended it to my husband as a potential candidate for a birthday staycation.

I’m so grateful she did.

The setting for a of short-lived reality series, Welcome to the Parker (2007), which I never saw or even heard of until I was on the property and my husband mentioned it.

In 1959, the Parker Palm Springs was originally a Holiday Inn of all things. In fact, it was California’s first Holiday Inn. In 1961, the property was purchased by Gene Autry for lodging his newly acquired baseball team, the California Angels, during Spring Training. Autry changed the name to Melody Ranch and added a second pool, tennis courts, a bar, and a couple of restaurants.

In 1994, Autry sold the resort to his hotel director, Rose Narva, who remodeled the site into a French-themed wonderland with the help of fashion-designer Hubert de Givenchy. Narva renamed the hotel Givenchy Hotel and Spa.

In 1998, the hotel was purchased by media mogul, Merv Griffin, who promptly renamed it Merv Griffin’s Resort Hotel and Givenchy Spa.

In 2002, Griffin sold the space to Epix Hotels and Resorts and it sat vacant until 2003 when it was purchased by hotelier Jack Parker. Parker hired designer Jonathan Adler to give the space a $27 million facelift. The property re-opened in 2004 as Le Parker Meridien, or Parker Palm Springs as it is better known.

Today, the Parker is like something out of a Lewis Carroll book, every pathway leading to a delightful surprise; pools, croquet and pétanque courts, bunny filled lawns where you can lounge in a hammock, tennis courts, a ping pong table, over-sized chess game, fire pits with seating for 10, restaurants (Norma’s and Mister Parker’s), and an outdoor café (The Lemonade Stand). You haven’t lived until you’ve had an über-cool Muddled Lemonade!

The 13-acre desert estate has 144-rooms and a 16,500-square-foot award-winning spa named the Palm Spring Yacht Club which has 21 treatment rooms.

The decor throughout is whimsical and fun, full of rich detail and lots of eye candy. Here are just a few photos I took:

I loved every moment of our two day stay at the Parker and can’t wait to return. I enjoyed spending a luxurious morning at the spa/yacht club and feeling like I was actually on a yacht. The binder of playlists allowing you to select the music you’d like to hear during your spa treatment is genius, but it was the night swimming; floating on my back in the middle of the pool, staring up at the desert sky, welcoming a new year of possibilities, that is the memory that I will hold close to my heart forever.

Next time I’d even consider bringing the children along.

On second thought…

Just in case you were wondering, all thoughts and research are my own. The Parker Palm Springs did not compensate me in any way, although I wouldn’t mind if they did.

This Boy

Posted on June 5, 2015 Written by Tonya

Oh, how I love this boy!

Photo by Tereza Harper, January 27, 2015

This boy who made me a mommy.

This boy who brings magic and joy to my life when I need it most.

This boy who is healthy and intelligent and creative and kind.

This boy who makes me act silly and come up with nonsensical song lyrics and dance around the kitchen.

This boy who knows exactly what to say to get me on the trampoline.

This boy who has me learning Skylanders characters and sharing the latest Star Wars movie previews and downloading games with names like Pixel Gun and Buddyman to our iPad.

This boy who costs me at least $20 more every time I take him with me to the supermarket.

This boy who I can’t say no to when it comes to books.

This boy who shares my love of dinning out and being pampered.

This boy who is sensitive and rambunctious, curious and insightful.

This boy who can push each and every single one of my hot buttons to the point where I am in tears and yet, I love him anyway.

This boy who I schedule play dates for, buy his favorite snacks, pay a dollar so he’ll run upstairs to check on his napping sister and can make me giggle until I almost pee in my pants.

This boy owns me.

This boy is gold.

Lucas, my sweet boy, you are awesome and being your mom makes me happier than anything else I have ever done, or will ever do in my lifetime.

I believe in you and know you will reach any goal you set your mind to. I am on your side, your cheerleader, and biggest fan. Always!

I can’t wait to see what six holds.

Happy Golden Birthday, fellow.

Why Sending Thank You Cards Is So Important

Posted on March 19, 2015 Written by Tonya

Lucas and I were in the car discussing our weekend plans. We had swim lessons, a soccer game and two birthday parties to look forward to.

Since starting kindergarten, he has been invited to 10 or more classmate’s birthday celebrations.

We started reviewing all the different fun parties he had attended this year and what the themes were. To five- and six-year-olds the theme and location are just as important as the flavor of cake and the guest list. I suppose that could be said for 40-somethings too.

All of a sudden and completely on his own Lucas recalled that of all the parties he has attended, he has only received two thank you cards.

Two.

Two acknowledgements.

Pitiful.

I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus, I know parents get busy, it’s often a fight to get a child to sit down and physically do the work, but it’s necessary. It is a simple, kind gesture that shows appreciation and gratitude. Attributes our world is truly lacking.

Writing thank you notes is a skill that every child should learn as a part of their upbringing. I did. I hated every minute of it, but I’m instilling it in my children and nothing lights up a child’s face more than receiving mail!

Before Lucas could write, I’d have him color a picture to accompany a note I had written and then we graduated to scribbling his name at the bottom of a note I had written and now we talk though two-three sentences and he writes his own cards. It’s a painstaking process but he has a sense of pride and accomplishment once the task is completed.

I know that fill-in and pre-printed/personalized cards are available, but we use colored construction paper and crayons.

Perhaps a warm hug and genuine “thank you” in person is enough? I don’t think so, but don’t take my word for it….

My friend, Tracy of Sellabit Mum wrote a great post called How to Write a Thank You Note a few years ago that I highly recommend and another friend and family physician, Dr. Gilboa posted a YouTube video, Teach Kids How to Write a Thank You Note where in less than one minute she explains the three parts kids need to write a great thank you note, and why we should bother.

Do you have your children write/send thank you cards? Why or why not?

Dear Lola On Your 1st Birthday

Posted on January 30, 2015 Written by Tonya

Dear Lola,

My world became immensely sunnier the day you were born.

When I first laid my eyes upon you, I was filled with a sense of relief and peace I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Today we celebrate a year of you.

We celebrate the fact that we thrived and loved every moment of your first year.

Our family was full before and complete, but once you arrived you oozed into all the tiny cracks and crevasses and made us whole. You fit in so nicely and as if you were always meant to be.

I would not be the mother I am without you, and while I am teaching you and your brother life lessons, you are transforming the very core of me.

You are everything I imagined you would be and so, so much more. Thank you for being such an easy baby, for sleeping through the night since you were four months old, for making us laugh and for each and every smile. Thank you for the quiet moments when I hold you close and you stare deep into my eyes with an all knowing sense. Thank you for your patience with me when I’m overwhelmed and for letting me take you for daily walks.

Thank you for being my light in the dark.

I love you, Muffet and I can’t wait for year two!

Mommy
xoxo

The Best Thing About January

Posted on January 29, 2015 Written by Tonya

January sucked.

Top to bottom.

I celebrated the new year sick in bed, had two decent weeks and then my whole family was hit with the flu. Lola’s temperature reached as high as 104 one evening and we were so nervous calling her pediatrician every few hours for advice. My entire body hurt so much that I hurt couldn’t get out of bed for two whole days. We were down for the count for almost a week. Each one of us saw the doctor and were prescribed meds. Nasty lingering coughs remain. I know we aren’t alone. Tis the season, right?

What should have been my dad’s 68th birthday was yesterday and that always makes me sad, bitter and grief ridden.

And then this morning, my husband was admitted to the ER. He woke up with a back ache but felt it was more tissue related and went to his gym to see if his trainer could “stretch him out”. Turns out it was/is kidney stones. Five hours at the hospital and four heavy duty pain killers later, he is resting and waiting for them to pass.

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday and I am a mess.

I’m happy for this milestone but melancholy that my baby is no longer a baby. Lola is toddler, through and through. She’s almost walking and “talking” like crazy. She’s willful and feisty and funny and so sweet. Lola worships her big brother and wants to get into anything that isn’t for babies. She loves to empty drawers, play with remotes and other electronic devices, dive head first down the stairs and squirm and roll over while getting a fresh diaper. We all agree she’s the best thing that ever happened to us.

It was completely surreal being in the same hospital where she was born a year later today.

The best thing about this month is celebrating Lola.

I have been working on a birthday letter to her for several days. I hope to share it here tomorrow, but for now I’ll share these lovely photos my friend, Tereza captured. Lola wasn’t too into the balloons but looked awfully cute just the same.

These photos are special for a few reasons; I take photos of Lola all the time but haven’t had professional shots taken since she was born and the purple Ralph Lauren dress she’s wearing, it was her cousin, Francesca’s. Francesca is 11 now.

Thank you, Heidi for handing it down.

The Day Lola Was Born

Posted on July 15, 2014 Written by Tonya

Babies are such a nice way to start people. – Don Herold

I love hearing how humans enter the world, each story is unique and very special. I hope you don’t mind me sharing Lola’s birth story.

I had taken Charlie for a 3-mile walk on the morning of Thursday, January 30 and then had a fetal monitoring appointment. After 33 weeks I was going twice a week.

During this particular appointment, Lola’s heart rate dipped six times, my blood pressure was (and had been) on the high side, plus an ultrasound revealed that she had turned around again (the first time had been at 35 weeks and I was able to turn her around on my own without medical intervention) so the doctor insisted on sending me to the Labor and Delivery ward at the hospital.

I hadn’t showered and I had the dog in the car were my first thoughts immediately after, holy shit, I’m having the baby today! After three and half years of waiting and nine months of keeping our miracle safe and sound tucked inside my belly, this is how it’s going to happen. After months of trying to predict and control birthing day, now I know. Okay. I can do this. Right?

With my mind racing, I started crying uncontrollably because I knew my baby would be delivered via C-section and that was the last thing I wanted. I wrote about my ideal birth plan here.

I called my husband from the car and I was shaking, had a hard time speaking but managed to convey that I would take the dog home and keep him posted. I had a feeling I’d get to L&D and everything would be fine and I would be sent home or we’d be having a baby later that day. He told me to take the dog to our favorite local doggie daycare instead and then we would have one last thing to worry about. He would standby for more news and in the meantime wrap up things at work so that he could meet me at the hospital. We agreed not to alert family just yet.

Against doctor’s orders after the doggie day care I also stopped by our house. I had to pee, it was on the way and there were a couple of things I wanted to do, like find a big red ribbon to put around the three carefully wrapped presents (Angry Birds Go! Game, I Spy! Bingo and Hi Ho Cherry-O!) that “the baby” would be giving her big brother once they met. I also wanted to make sure my slippers and make up bag were in my suitcase. I know, I know, I wasn’t in my right mind and needless to say, no make up was worn during my four day hospital stay.

After several hours and running down my phone battery not once, but twice, being adjusted and readjusted, the baby’s heart was fine and my blood pressure was normal. She was still in a breech position when my OB called me around 3:00. She was relieved when I told her that I’d have a C-section and asked if we could do it that evening. I knew if I went home I’d be wrought with worry and unable to sleep. Plus, at this late stage of the game (one day past my due date) I didn’t think I could turn the baby around again.

After Todd picked up Lucas from preschool, he brought him to the hospital to say hello. We discussed names together as a family and Lucas, who had been dead set on Lola since we told him we were expecting and refused to entertain anything else was now suddenly open to middle names. He had selected a middle name too, but was now eager to hear our choices. When talking about his day at school he mentioned his friend Paigey. Paige, but everyone calls her Paigey, which is just about the cutest things ever. Todd and I looked at each other and that was it. Lola Paige. It also helped that Todd has a close friend named Paige.

A C-section was scheduled for 7:00 PM and leading up to it the anesthesiologist visited me at least three times that I remember, maybe more and reviewed the entire process start to finish, patiently answered my questions and tried his best to reassure me.

It was almost 8:00 when I was finally taken to the OR and Lola was born at 8:19. It was quick but I was terrified and hated every moment of the procedure, hated not being able to feel anything, hated not being in control, hated being pinned down like Jesus on the cross and I cried throughout the procedure.

I knew it was what was best for the baby but it wasn’t how I had envisioned bringing this child into the world. I was relieved Todd could be with me (Lucas was at home with our good friends, Ed and Carol) and really happy that it was my OB to perform the procedure, but I still hated not being able to feel anything!

It turns out that Lola wasn’t breech by the time I was in the operating room (she had turned around again in less than an hour!!) but had somehow put two knots in the umbilical cord, so we would have ended up in the OR anyway.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her once I saw her and one of the (many) advantages of a C-section is that baby’s heads are perfectly round. She was beautiful. We all thought she looked just like Lucas when he was born, but a female version… daintier and smaller. It’s hard to put into words what it was like to finally meet my daughter and makes me tear up even now as I type this. I was elated and thankful and so relieved. Finally she was here. Finally.

My recovery was rough and very unexpected. I was able to stand up by the next morning after the catheter was removed, but remained in pain the entire hospital stay and for weeks after. It hurt when I laughed or sneezed or coughed or moved in any way. I was sure every time I looked down at my belly that my insides would be spilling out, but that never happened. I was so grateful when I could finally walk around the ward, making it one loop was a triumph!

Lucas met his sister Friday morning and was wonderful with her, albeit timid and shy. I had dreamed about their first encounter but had zero expectations. He held her right away and offered her kisses and tiny soft pats on the head. It made me deliriously happy to see them together.

Todd stayed at the hospital with me two nights and my sister one night. We were getting to own our baby as went about diaper changes and feedings. We were mesmerized by her alert alien-like eyes and tiny fingers.

I was able to come home the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday (Seattle Seahawks, 43 vs. the Denver Broncos, 8) but I wish I could have stayed one more night.

I was very emotional as we took the elevator downstairs and then running into our fertility doctor in the parking lot was completely surreal. She said she hardly ever comes to that hospital and what are the chances?! I was face-to-face with the very woman responsible for this tiny miracle. It was too much. I was so overcome and couldn’t stop crying. It was a beautiful moment and one that I will treasure always.

Huddled around the TV in our living room, we all paid way more attention to the bundle in my arms than the game. The house was full of bouquets of carefully placed flower vases, thanks to my mother-in-law. We had a full house and full hearts. Looking back all I can remember is the pain I felt in my abdomen but the peace in my heart.

The loves of my life!

If you are interested in reading Lucas’s birth story, you can find it here.

Special

Posted on June 6, 2014 Written by Tonya

When you are a child, birthdays are magical and it’s important to acknowledge that and make them feel out of this world special. That has been my sole goal with my little birthday boy.

We have been preparing all week for Lucas’s birthday. Really, for the last month. From making decisions about what kind of party he wants to the guest list and menu and of course, his wish list. Plus, there’s all the behind the scenes activities like ordering cake toppers and favors from Amazon and praying that everything arrives on time!

He appeared in our bedroom doorway just after 6 o’clock this morning.

I saw the balloons in my room and on the stairs and followed them. There are presents! Can we open them?

We celebrated this morning and left him at preschool with snacks and cookies for his class (the store bought chocked full of preservatives kind, his choice!) and tonight we will go to one of his favorite restaurants for dinner. It’s either going to be Red Robin or The Old Spaghetti Factory. At Red Robin we will play I Spy and at The Old Spaghetti Factory he’ll insist on sitting in the trolley. Either place, he’ll order pasta.

He must have thanked us half a dozen times for the gifts he received this morning. I love that!

Do I sound older? Do I look older? I don’t feel older.

On Sunday there will be a party at a popular bounce house place where Lucas and 25 of his “closest” friends will take over. Pizza and cake (that I have yet to make) will be served.

Family from out of town is coming to visit and there will be more sweets and more presents and hopefully this will be a birthday celebration that Lucas will always remember. And above all, I hope he feels special and so very loved.

We marvel over our five year old!

Before Turning Five

Posted on May 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have been feeling nostalgic, extremely proud, a little sad and slightly offended by the passing of time lately. A week from today my son, my firstborn and the one who made me a mama will be turning five. Five!!

Lucas is an awesome kid with a silly sense of humor and an undying curiosity, two traits I hope he always possesses. He’s also a sweet sensitive little boy and is learning how to be more independent and how to take no for an answer.

My son had a banner year and I couldn’t possibly list all of his accomplishments (yes, this is going to be one of those posts) but I would like to share a few that stand out for me. In no particular order:

As a family we survived a nine month stint in a tiny two bedroom apartment while we searched for a house and while he mirrored my frustration with our living situation, Lucas really made the best of it and out of all of us was the most adaptable. He also served as an active participant in our home search and shared his desire for a backyard and missing his trampoline and a dedicated play area. He was patient and understanding through our moves.

Twice this year Lucas has gone through his toys and allowed us to either set some things aside for his little sister to play with someday or give items to goodwill. This is not an easy feat for children but he did it with ease and graciousness.

I will always remember this as the year Lucas went from being obsessed with Cars to being obsessed with Star Wars. We are currently up to our eyeballs in Jedi, droids and intergalactic battles. Enough said.

In January, Lucas was moved into the upper Pre-K class at his current preschool and in March was accepted into a local prestigious private school where he will begin kindergarten this fall. He was one of only 17 students out of 70 accepted! We are excited about next school year and all the new things Lucas will be exposed to.

One of Lucas and his dad’s favorite things to do together is go skateboarding and over the last year, Lucas has become proficient at it! He practices safety and caution while at the same time pushing himself and being daring in spite of a few skinned knees and elbows.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we hosted Lucas’s first sleep over and it was fun, but also a tiny glimpse into our future of being cast aside in favor of being with friends.

Just yesterday, Lucas earned a yellow belt in karate, a sport he’s only been participating in since mid-January. He’d been practicing for days, worked with a friend and his sensi to perfect the series of moves and announced on the way to class that he was ready to test. He said advancing to the next level was something that he wanted to do before turning five and he did it!

One of Lucas’s biggest accomplishments this year was becoming a big brother, a role that he seemed born to have. At only four months old, Lola idolizes him and has since the very first moment they met and he is completely enamored by her. Watching their relationship grow and develop and seeing Lucas’s nurturing side has been one of my greatest joys. I knew it would be!

Being a good sibling and working hard towards something he wants were major themes for this year and prompted a lot of discussions about what being a good role model means. I’m happy to be this amazing boy’s mom and he delights and surprises me daily. I can’t wait to see what five has in store for us.

Next up? In his words, “mastering the art of tying my shoes!”.

Lucas, my sweet boy, you have all the time in the world for that. Enjoy your last week of being four. I love you.

On Turning 30

Posted on May 11, 2014 Written by Tonya

My sister, Leah turned 30 in March (I’ve been working on this post since before then!) and that’s huge! I am happy for her and the new decade that lies ahead. Everything seems to be going really well in her life right now.

There are almost 12 years between me and my sister and it has been both a delightful and sometimes agonizing process to watch her grow into the woman she is today.

Our parents would be very proud of her and how strong our bond is as sisters.

As I wrote in Leah’s birthday card, I remember turning 30 and what a strange, sad and yet magical year it was, not to mention the nine that followed.

In some ways it seems eons ago and in others as though it were just yesterday.

I celebrated my 30th birthday with family and what I thought at the time were close friends surrounding a tepan table. I don’t remember any gifts I received that night but I distinctively remember feeling equal parts anxious and excited about the next 10 years of my life.

I talk to no one who was at that dinner today except my sister. My (at the time soon to be ex-) husband and in-laws were there and several people that are now only “Facebook friends”. The two most important guests were my parents and they died five years later during the not so magical part of my 30’s.

I was 30 when my first husband and I parted ways, I started wearing clothes that fit me because I was finally comfortable with my body, I had a job I adored at an advertising agency and I met and made friends with women that I couldn’t have imagined would become so important to me in the next decade and the one after that. I lived alone for the first (and only time) in my life and loved every minute of it!

Before I turned 31 I would meet my now husband and experience love like I had never known, but before that I would curse the time I wasted with my ex because I thought he was “The One” and my only shot at having a family. Clearly I was delusional. I also had other demons to fight and I struggled to find solid ground in the workplace and my bank account. 30 (and beyond) is when it all came together for me, I was no longer a child and came to understand that life is not always fair and that’s okay. Fair doesn’t leave any room for grace or mercy.

Happy Birthday, again, my sweet Leah. I hope your decade is off to a exceptional start and only gets better.

Leah & I celebrating her 30th birthday at Little Sister, Manhattan Beach – March, 2014

67 – NaBloPoMo

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