Tonya

Guest Post

Posted on July 13, 2010 Written by Tonya

It has been over a month since aunt Leah shared any words of wisdom. This time she’s got something to say about dating.

Yikes!! I can’t even imagine my little boy going on a date, but it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not. I just hope he’s at least 20 before the girl craze begins.

Dear Lucas,

I recently started dating someone seriously so I thought that this would be a perfect time for me to tell you about dating and what it means to be the “perfect guy”. It’s kind of funny for me to think about you and dating right now but you are not going to be a little guy forever and will eventually be interested in the ladies. Having said that, there’s no rush at all. You have your whole life to stress about girls and learn what makes women tick. Take your time and enjoy the process of meeting your Ms. Right.

Okay, so there’s no beating around the bush, dating can be tough. In fact, maintaining a solid relationship is tough too. It’s all tough. There, now that I’ve gotten that out of way, we can get to the fun stuff…

While dating can be complicated and frustrating and at times exhausting, it can be incredible too. When you find someone whom you want to spend your time with and whom you have more than just ‘friend’ feelings towards, it can be one of the best feelings in the world. When you are really involved, everything just feels better. Food tastes yummier, colors are brighter and even music sounds more amazing. I can’t explain it but this all really does happen. I can’t wait until you experience all this for the first time. There is nothing like your first love. So, please call your aunt and fill her in!

Of course you have to consider yourself lucky when that person you care for, cares for you right back. Trust me, so far in my dating life, I’ve had numerous crushes but maybe only a couple guys have actually reciprocated those feelings back at me. It can be very sad and certainly a self-esteem killer, but like the saying goes, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

Now I’m sure your mom and dad have already told you all this or you’ve picked it up somewhere else no doubt, but a month or so ago I created the ultimate “Perfect Guy” list, so I thought that I would share a few things I learned from my research. While compiling this list may have been fun, it’s really not that practical. There are really no set characteristics girls need to have in their perfect guy. It’s all feelings and connections. Having a list will ruin all that. We just need to make sure that we are open to love, every kind of love. It’s really not supposed to make sense or fit a mold or a list. Another thing to keep in mind is that most girls just want a guy who can have hot dogs and beers at a baseball game during the day…then wine and dine them at the Met later at night. Personally, I love a guy who can make me laugh. An awesome sense of humor is very important to me. You are already cracking me up at just a year old so I’m sure you’ll be good on that.

Well, kid, stay tuned for my next guest post. I love you very much little Lucas.

Thanks, aunt Leah for the fun and sage advice. And by the way, when do we get to meet your latest someone? Hmmmm???

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

Miscarried

Posted on July 12, 2010 Written by Tonya

I can’t sleep.

I have too much on my mind.

I write this with a lump in my throat.

The day before Lucas’ birthday, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. We had only been “trying” for two weeks! Can you say fertile? Stranger things have happened…

Learning you’re pregnant the first time is one of the most exciting moments in a woman’s life. Not only is it a major milestone on the path of adulthood, it is one of the most joyous experiences you will ever have. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with Lucas. I cried tears of happiness, excitement and fear.

Learning I was pregnant a second time was a little more shocking for me. I had just gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight and into my favorite jeans. The hair around my face was starting to grow back and I was FINALLY starting to get the hang of this “mommy thing”. The tears this time were out of pure disbelief. I was excited for sure, but also troubled by how our perfect little family of three was going to change drastically. I was mostly concerned with how this new addition would affect Lucas and how I might handle two under two. Doing the quick calculations, Lucas and his sibling would be almost 21 months apart.

I thought I was nine weeks along at my first OB/GYN visit when an ultrasound revealed that I was only measuring at six weeks. We were told we could have our dates off.

I’m pretty good (obsessive) with dates and knew deep down inside that something was terribly wrong.

Blood work was ordered to check my hCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels and more ultrasounds a week later. Unfortunately, my hCG levels dropped and we learned last Thursday that there had been no growth to the embryo since week six.

I had a terrific pregnancy with Lucas, (you can read all about my experience here) so why would I think anything would or could go wrong with this one? I certainly felt pregnant. I’ve been tired and famished and snarky.

But, in the end, my gut was right. There was something wrong and this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be.

Of course, we’ll never know exactly what went wrong (see #3 of my Friday Flip Offs for how I feel about that).

I never wanted to be a part of this group… a woman who has suffered a miscarriage and also a mother who is already blessed with the knowledge of the beautiful outcome of a full term pregnancy.

But here I am, a reluctant member with so many questions and so much sadness. Why did this happen to us? What went wrong? Did I do something different this time around? Will it happen again?
I know that miscarriage is far more common than we like to think and often times there are no answers. I’ll have to accept that. Eventually.

All I know right now is that this hurts, I’m sad and because I don’t want to wait around for my body to have a natural miscarriage, I have a D and C (a procedure to scrape and collect the tissue from inside the uterus) scheduled for this afternoon.

Please keep me and all of the women that have ever had to go through this in your thoughts… if just for today. Thank you. xoxo

This post was written for the word game, Word Up, Yo!hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, play along!
This week’s word is snarky.

Sunday Fun Day

Posted on July 11, 2010 Written by Tonya

Every once in a while, I’ll get an e-mail forward that’s worth sharing and here is one:

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour (at least, maybe longer). Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing – This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.

4. Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission… Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh – This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing (refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing”.)

6. That’s Okay – This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake..

7. Thanks – A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”. (I want to add in a clause here – this is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome”, that will only bring on a “whatever”).

8. Whatever – Is a woman’s way of saying “F— off”!

9. Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it – Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer back to #3.

Share this to the men you know to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Thanks, Charmaine for the giggle. 🙂

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

I’m Flipping Off Stuff…AGAIN! #4

Posted on July 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

This was a really crummy week so coming up with this week’s Flip Off list took no time at all. As always, my deepest appreciate to Gigi at Kludgy Mom for developing this beautiful virtual detox meme!

#1 Part of the reason this week sucked was because I woke up every morning with an flipping achy back, stiffness all over and sore neck. We have a Sleep Number Bed and four years ago when we first got it, I loved it. I had found my perfect sleep number (55) and stuck with it without any discomfort, but now the bed does nothing but irritate me and I want it gone!! It has no bounce, no spring and no flexibility. It’s time to go back to a box spring with a pillow top and some give. FLIP OFF, SLEEP NUMBER! And for the record, my husband has had these complaints since day 1. When will I ever listen?!

#2 Stores that have the extra cashiers but don’t utilize them deserve a big FLIP OFF! I walked out of a very popular children’s clothing store recently leaving behind a cute and much needed pile of clothes for Lucas. They were on sale AND I had a coupon! The line of customers was wrapped around the store and out the front door and they only had ONE person ringing everyone up. Several customers, including myself asked if there was anyone else to help us and she was paged to the front but never showed up. I mentioned this was a children’s store, didn’t I? There were just as many kids on the verge of melt downs as there were parents. So frustrating!!

#3 I am pissed off at the entire medical profession this week. I now know why they call it “practicing medicine” because that’s exactly what it is… practicing. Doctors really don’t always have the answers.

I am grateful for medicine, doctors and scientists and the fact that our bodies are such mysteries, but sometimes when there is no rhyme or reason, no medical explanation available and Mother Nature just makes it so, I want to scream at the top of my lungs FLIP OFF!!! Most of the time the logical side of my brain can accept this, but then there are other times when my heart wants answers, facts and proof. I need to know WHY!?

#4 My sister and I inherited our parents home in Arizona and each month we pay the electric, water and phone bills. No one lives in the house so these bills are minimal, but recently I took a closer look at the phone bill and thought that I could remove some of the services and lower it.

I contacted the phone company (to be remain nameless but name is similar to a direction and rhymes with west) to see if they could help me. They said that they could take $10 off the bill by removing the international long distance service. Great! No one uses the phone and the only reason we have it hooked up in the first place is for the alarm system.

I received the next bill only to find it has gone up, not down! What?! I called them back and they said that there was a fee associated with making changes to your service and that the adjusted bill wouldn’t be reflected until the next billing cycle. That’s right, the international long distance service is still on the bill and so is the service fee for removing it. Next. Month. Really? Are you kidding me? FLIP OFF!!

Whew… that was a much needed rant!

Have a super weekend, everyone.

The best is yet to be.

My Buried Life

Posted on July 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; can’ts into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it – ink it! – Author Unknown

Several months ago, I posted The Buried Life about a great show on MTV and promised that I would follow it up with my own Buried Life/Bucket List. Thanks to Mama Kat for making it a prompt this week, here it is:

1. Meet Dave Matthews (and just so there is no confusion… I’m talking about THE Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews Band).
2. Read all of the books on my Goodreads list – as of today there are 536 titles.
3. Build my family tree and learn everything I can about where I come from.
4. Walk my sister down the aisle at her wedding.
5. Make the turkey with all the trimmings for Thanksgiving.
6. Spend a week or longer in Paris… again.
7. Go camping and sleep under the stars.
8. Be in the audience at the Oprah Winfrey show.
9. Learn how to drive a stick shift car.
10. Live to see A grandchild.
11. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) on a safari in Africa.
12. Visit Tokyo, Japan.
13. Learn to ski.
14. Fly in a blimp.
15. Visit Martha’s Vineyard.
16. Learn how to French braid my own hair.
17. Travel First Class anywhere.
18. Ride a segway.
19. Go blond, if even for just one night.
20. Learn how to tie a tie.
21. Bowl a perfect round…strikes every single frame.
22. Have a photo that I have taken hung in a gallery and perhaps even sold!
23. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.
24. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) to see the Pyramids
25. Sing a solo in front of an audience.
26. Ride the roller coaster at the top of the Stratosphere Hotel in Las Vegas.
27. Visit Cabo San Lucas…again.
28. Bungee jump.
29. Write a heartfelt letter to everyone I love telling them why they are so special to me.
30. Find my husband the PERFECT gift and since he is SO difficult to shop for, this could possibly take the rest of my life.
40. Go vegetarian for 30 days.
41. Give up my phone, computer and TV for a week (yeah, right!)
42. Visit all 50 states (so far, I’ve been to 28).
43. Learn how to apply eye make-up.
44. Get published.
45. Save someone’s life.
46. Attend the Olympic games
47. Sit court side during a Lakers playoff game.
48. Attend a Super Bowl game.
49. Run a marathon.
50. Learn more about wine.
51. Own a family dog.
52. Own a trampoline!
53. Watch a film in French without the subtitles.
54. Watch a film in Spanish without subtitles.
56. Knit something.
57. Run for office, even if it’s just the PTA.
58. Take a cruise.
59. Take a cooking class.
60. Have a re-commitment ceremony with husband.
61. Sell or donate all of my music CDs…. it’s time!
62. Plant something and watch it grow.
63. Establish a family game night.
64. Establish a family mission statement.
65. Call Dr. Laura.
66. Reach at least 100 followers on Letters For Lucas. I’m only 36 away. 🙂
67. Introduce Lucas to my ex-husband and meet his child(ren) too.
68. Milk a cow.
69. Paint a picture and hang it in my living room.
70. Break or set a world record.
71. Find my best friend from 2nd grade on Facebook.
72. Take a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.
73. Be a game show contestant…preferably Jeopardy.
74. Walk across the Great Wall of China.
75. Ride a motorcycle.
76. Participate in a community play or music group.
77. Throw a huge party for all of my friends.
78. See an active volcano.
79. Throw a surprise party for someone.
80. Appear on the cover of a magazine.
81. Help others achieve their buried lists a la the show.
82. Spend the night at the zoo.
83. Successfully assemble a piece of furniture.
84. Learn to surf.
85. Fix my front tooth; I chipped it in the 4th grade and want to have it re-bonded.
86. Organize all my photographs.
87. Put together our wedding album
88. Celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
89. Have one wall in my house painted bright red.
90. Own a navy blue car.
91. Sell my parents house in Arizona.
92. Have my picture taken in a field of sunflowers.
93. Learn to make the perfect margarita.
94. Drive on the Autobahn
95. See a show on Broadway.
96. Take my 21 year old son out for a beer
97. Rent a convertible for a weekend and drive the entire length of the Pacific Coast Highway.
98. Breathe deeply all the days of my life and know that that’s everything is going to be okay.
99. Thank my lucky stars everyday at how blessed I am.
100. Have a healthy second and possibly third pregnancy.

What do you want to do before you die? For clarity and focus, I highly suggest you think about it, make a list and refer to it often.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #5: Write a list of 100 things you want to do before you turn 100. Otherwise known as a “bucket list”.

Guilty As Charged

Posted on July 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Where does a mother’s guilt come from?

Guilt implies that you have done something wrong.

What’s a better word for “guilt”?

Worry?

Regret?

What is it about being a mother that means you end up carrying so much of it (whatever you call it) around?

Does a mother’s guilt ever subside or does it just grow and manifest with each passing year? God, help me if it is the latter!

I find myself feeling guilty almost every single day about something having to do with the way in which I am raising my son. I feel lost some days on this journey called motherhood and a lot of the time like I’m fumbling through it with very little direction.

At this point, I know what I’m doing. I mean, I have the basics down (I think). Lucas is a very happy, healthy 13 month old, who’s well-dressed, well-fed, has a room of his own and a gazillion toys and other apparatuses to keep him safe and entertained, but yet, I still worry.

A lot.

I worry that he is getting everything he needs from me in the form of time and comfort, that he’s being exposed to the right toys, books, foods, activities, amount of sunlight, etc., etc., etc.

We spend A LOT of time together. I worry about that.

I worry that he’ll NEVER learn to drink from a cup. Every few days I try to get him to use a sippy cup and he plays with it like it’s a new toy.

I’ve been known to stick him in front of the television for 30 minutes of peace and quiet and that causes me a lot of guilt.

Oh yeah, another thing to feel guilty about: We may have found a new nanny for my 10 hour a week break… she started today and so far so good, but lots of guilt there!

I feel guilty when I don’t exercise or think I’m not taking the best care of myself because I waited so long to have a child that I feel like I owe him the healthiest fittest version of myself for as long as I can be here. Nothing like putting a little pressure on myself, is there?

The guilt is never ending and can be all consuming if I let it. I know I need to let some of this (most of it) go, but how do you do that? How do you handle the guilt that comes with being a mother?

The best is yet to be.

This post is for the word game, Word Up, Yo!hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, you should play along!
This week’s word is fumble.

No Related Posts

Sunday Fun Day

Posted on July 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

How great is this? A scale without numbers!!
Now, instead of being greeted by those five (or so) pesky pounds you can’t seem to shake, you’ll see “Hot”, “Ravishing” or my personal favorite: “Perfect” instead. How’s that esteem building?

The Yay! You Yay! Scale is available at Voluptuart

I love it!!

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

Here’s To Our Independence!

Posted on July 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty.
– Louis D. Brandeis United States Supreme Court Justice 1856-1941

Happy Independence Day!

The best is yet to be.

No Related Posts

Guest Post

Related Posts:

Miscarried

Related Posts:

Sunday Fun Day

Related Posts:

Guilty As Charged

Related Posts:

Sunday Fun Day

Related Posts:

Here’s To Our Independence!

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

What I Write About