Tonya

Guest Post

Posted on March 5, 2010 Written by Tonya

I didn’t get a guest post from your aunt Leah last month, but I think this one more than makes up for it!

Dear Lucas,

My 26^th birthday is fast approaching so I thought that I would share with you 10 important things that I’ve learned so far in my life.

Of course you will be too young to understand them for a while but eventually, you will and I am just looking ahead. Enjoy:

1. Cherish your relationships. I don’t care if it’s with your mom or with a girl in high school that you fall in love with, cherish them. Don’t take them for granted and certainly tell people how you feel. Never assume they know. Take the time to understand these relationships and what makes each of them special.

2. Go to concerts and really enjoy them. I mean, get out of your seat and dance your butt off! That’s what concerts are for anyhow! Also, really take the time to listen to the lyrics in songs. They will help you get through a lot of things in your life. I don’t know where I would be without a lot of music out there.

3. Take pictures whenever you can. You will want these memories as your grow older. As you surely learn, I have lots of scrapbooks full of memories and I am grateful that I’ve started this hobby. I hope that you will be interested in photography too.

4. Keep in touch with your friends, at least, the ones that you care about. Even the friends that you haven’t seen in a few years, you never know when you’ll run into them again. You also never know when you’ll need to turn to one of these friends for something or other.

5. Do one thing that challenges you mentally and/or physically every year. It can be anything…. I am attempting to run a half marathon in September and that scares me to death but I know that if I train hard, I can do it. Just know that you can do anything you put your mind to.

6. I hope you find something in life that you are passionate about are able to pursue that. Focus on deciding what will motivate you to get out of bed in the morning. I really think that that is the key to true happiness. I just know that I need to work in the music industry for me to be truly happy in this life.

7. Don’t be a flake. I know too many people that say one thing but never get around to actually doing it and that drives me insane! Why is it so hard to stick to your word? Your mom is the opposite of a flake so I am sure that we don’t have to worry about you becoming one.

8. Worrying is pointless and doesn’t really help anyway. I worry way too much about everything and anything but it’s gotten much better the older I get. So, save yourself the trouble and time and just don’t get into the worrying habit at all.

9. Don’t obsess over what people think of you. I used to do this endlessly but just this year I have really come to an understanding that it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about you. As long as you are happy with who you are, then it’s all good.

10. My favorite quote of all time says it all, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” I hope you love endlessly.

All my love to you Lucas.

Your Aunt Leah

Great advice, sister. Thank you for being so good to me and my son. We love you.

The best is yet to be.

Day 10/100

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The Middle Place

Posted on March 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

The Middle Place is Kelly Corrigan’s memoir of her fight with breast cancer as well as her father’s battle with prostate cancer.

My sister-in-law gave me this book for my birthday back in June, but I didn’t have a chance to read it until over the holidays. I LOVED this book and it has been on my mind ever since I put it down. I highly recommend it.

Aside from the tender and honest way Corrigan writes about her family, loss and personal battles, what I appreciated and related to most was her description of the “middle place”, the period between raising her own children and still being a child herself.

“It is one thing to be a man’s wife–quite another to be the mother of his children. In fact, once you become a mother, being a wife seems like a game you once played or a self-help book you were overly impressed with as a teenager that on second reading is puffy with common ideas. This was one of many things I had learned since crossing over into the middle place–that sliver of time when childhood and parenthood overlap. One day you’re cheering your daughter through a swimming lesson or giving her a pat for crossing the monkey bars or reminding her to say “please,” and the next, you’re bragging to your parents about your newest trick–a sweet potato recipe, a raise at work, a fix for your ant problem. It’s a giant Venn diagram where you are the only member of both sets.”

I shed more than a few tears reading this book and couldn’t help but think about my own middle place. Here I am, a new mother experiencing more joy and frustration than I probably ever have before in my life and I don’t have my parents here to share it with. They aren’t here to tell me I’m doing it all wrong or doing it all right. I don’t have them to consult, commiserate or argue with, bounce ideas off of, or ask them what they did with me when I was Lucas’ age.

Yet, I’m still in that middle place.

Just because I lost my parents, does that mean I stopped being a kid myself? A daughter? Hmmmm, now which one of you faithful Letters For Lucas readers is going to tackle that $25,000 question? It’s a hard one. Even at 35 I felt like their kid and then with their deaths I had to grow up…fast. I had big time adult decisions to make and a younger sister to care for and advise and a brand new marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need an “‘atta girl”, but validation is always nice, especially coming from your parents. No one can argue with that. They raised me well and I have to believe that they would be proud of me and the mother I am becoming.

My parents spirits push me forward and I do see them in my son. Becoming a mother made me realize how much they loved me and well, that has to be enough.

The best is yet to be.

Day 9/100

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Safety First

Posted on March 3, 2010 Written by Tonya

The baby proofer (Baby Safe Home) we hired is here today outfitting our house with baby gates, drawer and cabinet latches, toilet locks and furniture braces, all in an effort to keep Lucas safe.

We discovered that our home is NOT protected by a carbon monoxide detector. I am sick over this and needless to say we are having one installed right now.

My parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning, so this is a topic that is very near and dear to me.

I feel like such an idiot! I was under the impression that all homes built after 1980 (in this country) were automatically equip with one. I didn’t know how wrong I was!!

In North America, only state, provincial and municipal governments have statutes requiring installation of CO detectors in construction – among them: Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Wisconsin and West Virginia, as well as New York City.

Please, please, please check that your home has one and if not, get one immediately!!

The devices, which retail for $20-$60 and are widely available, can either be battery-operated or AC powered (with or without a battery backup). Battery lifetimes have been increasing as the technology has developed and certain battery powered devices now advertise a battery lifetime of over 6 years. All CO detectors have “test” buttons like smoke detectors.

CO detectors can be placed near the ceiling or near the floor because CO is very close to the same density as air.

Since CO is colorless, tasteless and odorless, detection in a home environment is impossible without such a warning device. It is a highly toxic inhalant and attracts to the hemoglobin (in the blood stream) 200x faster than oxygen, producing inadequate amounts of oxygen traveling through the body. It can kill.

For more information, please visit the Public Safety and Security Information Hub Web site.

The best is yet to be and I will sleep a little sounder tonight.

Day 8/100

Tipping Point

Posted on March 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

I used to cringe when I would see a family get up from a table at a restaurant leaving behind what looked like a bomb went off. I thought, how rude or I hope they left a big tip because someone is going to have to pick that up.

Ever since you started eating solid foods and can be kept mildly entertained by munching on Cheerios and biscuits while your dad and I try to enjoy a meal out, after we are done, I get down on my hands and knees and pick up your crumbs. I also apologize profusely to our waiter, but that should be a given. Is this what is expected of me or am I just being neurotic? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not armed with a slew of cleaning products or anything, but I do pick up food thrown/dropped on the floor, mop up spills, and just generally try and keep the mayhem under control.

I really don’t know what the protocol is on this. I have never worked in food service, but I certainly appreciate how hard wait staff and bus boys work. My question to all of you moms out there is, what do you do? Do you clean up after your kid or tip more when your tot makes a mess? Perhaps it depends on the mess and the type of establishment and how often we frequent it, etc. A handful of Cheerios isn’t really a big deal, but if it’s a entire bowl of peas and carrots, maybe so? I don’t know, you tell me.

The best is yet to be.

Day 7/100

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Mommy To Mom To Mother

Posted on February 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

I am not a big fan of e-mail forwards. Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly sent my share, but over the years I have gotten WAY more selective. 97.5% of the ones I receive are anything but forward-able and are just downright annoying.

It seems as though there are millions of people with nothing better to do than abuse bandwidth by sending out chain letters, useless advice, bizarre warnings, jokes, cartoons, poems, photos, quotes, political statements and other junk. Thousands more are filling our unsuspecting e-mail boxes with unwanted advertisements as we speak. And those few forwards that are actually amusing or interesting continue to circulate like some incurable plague, finding their way to the same mailboxes over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

Today, I received a forward from my mommy friend, Kendra and it is worth sharing:

Real Mothers don’t eat quiche; they don’t have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn’t come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don’t want to know what the vacuum just sucked up…
Real Mothers sometimes ask ‘Why me?’ and get their answer when a little voice says, ‘Because I love you best.’
Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade…it is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.

The Images of Mother. . . .
4 YEARS OF AGE – My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother doesn’t know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE – Mother? She’s so five minutes ago.
18 YEARS OF AGE – That old woman? She’s way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE – Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE – Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE – Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE – Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

I, of course ignored the instructions at the bottom of the e-mail that said I should forward it to seven incredible mothers I know and instead choose to share it here.

The best is yet to be.

Day 5/100

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Social Butterfly

Posted on February 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

We were suppose to do a group activity today with our Mommy & Me group, but I just wasn’t up for that yet, so instead we went to the park. It was your first visit and to say you loved it would be an understatement. Between watching the other children play and the dogs chasing balls and the nearby train zooming by, you were in heaven. There was so much for you to look at.

You were also thoroughly tickled over the swings!

Even though I thought I was sort of “hiding out” with you today, we had our first Doc Band inquiry as well. A little girl wearing a T-shirt that appropriately said “Social Butterfly” came right up to us at the park and asked me point blank, “Why is he wearing that helmet?” to which I replied after taking a deep breath, “The back of his his head is a little too flat so the helmet is going to help make it perfectly round like yours.”. Easy enough.

She stood there for a moment and then said, “Well, he’s not crying, so it must not be hurting him.” and then fluttered off.

Good point.

The best is yet to be.

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Baby Proofing Season

Posted on February 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

It is only a matter of days before you start crawling and as I look around our home, there is a lot to be done to make it a safe zone for you. Lucky for us, you have your very own helmet to protect your head for the next few months!

I have read dozens of articles on baby proofing that include outlet covers, gates, and cabinet and toilet locks, but it’s the not-so-obvious things like; blind cords, carpets without nonskid backings and loose tiles that have me worried. For all you seasoned moms out there, what else should we be considering?

Looks like I’ll be crawling around on my hands and knees this weekend trying to discover other potential Lucas hazards and then we’ll be calling in the professionals.

Shocking facts about child safety:

Each year in the Untied States, approximately 6,000 children die, and another 120,000 are seriously injured or permanently disabled due to preventable household accidents.
Every day, almost 39,000 children sustain injuries serious enough to require medical attention, totaling more than 14 million children each year.
Children are 7 times more likely to die from a preventable household accident than from all childhood illnesses combined.
Each year, more than 2.5 million children are treated in emergency rooms for fall-related injuries.
The number one cases of death among infants and toddlers are preventable household accidents.

This household will NOT be a statistic!

The best is yet to be.

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You Should See The Other Guy

Posted on February 26, 2010 Written by Tonya

Lucas got his DOC Band on Wednesday, which makes today, Day 3 of him wearing it.

So far, so good…. He has very quickly adjusted to it and doesn’t even seem to notice that it is on. Aren’t children amazing?

He is doing a lot better with it than I am. I just keep reminding myself that he is same baby with or without the band and there is no need to treat him any differently. I am so thankful for all of the support I have around me and for having such a happy and otherwise healthy baby.

Here is the first photo taken of him wearing it.

The best is yet to be.

Day 3/100

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Posted on February 23, 2010 Written by Tonya

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” – Erma Bombeck

This is going to sound very strange, but I miss having sports in my life.

I didn’t realize it until I was at the gym last week and found myself on an treadmill, followed by an elliptical machine and then the StairMaster positioned in front of the TV broadcasting Sports Center on ESPN. It was only then that I thought to myself, “why am I watching this?”. And then it dawned on me that I always choose the exercise equipment in front of the television showing football, basketball, baseball or golf highlights. I’m not even listening because I usually have my iPod on, but I am watching it and enjoying it, too.

You see, your dad isn’t a sports fan. He doesn’t spend hours couching it all weekend because there is game after game after game on T.V. and I’m actually very grateful for this, but even so, it’s strange. After almost eight years together, I am still not used to it.

I grew up with a major sports fan for a father and depending on the season, learned to root for the Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox and Washington Redskins. I followed Gary Player, Arnold Palmer and Fuzzy Zoeller on the PGA. Every guy I ever dated watched sports. All my male friends watch sports. Yet, I met, fell in love and married a non-sports watcher. Sure, he knows the basic rules (although he gets a kick out of saying “basketball contest”), played organized sports growing up and loves to run and cycle nowadays.

We tune into the World Series, Super Bowl, an occasional play off game and some University of Arizona (my alma matar) or Cal (your dad’s) games, but other than that, sports are seldom on in our house. What does he/we watch instead, you ask? A LOT of car auctions and car-related shows like Top Gear and Chasing Classic Cars and anything that Alain de Cadenet is hosting. Nice, quiet, civilized shows with no one to root for or against. In other words, no need to scream, yell or throw things at the television set (the part of sports fanhood that I don’t miss).

I wonder what sports you will be into watching and playing when you grow up. I hope at the very least, you enjoy watching them. It would be comforting to be around that noise again.

The best is yet to be.

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Strike A Pose

Posted on February 22, 2010 Written by Tonya

I haven’t walked into a Sears in years. Okay, I take that back…over the holidays I was on the hunt for an ugly Christmas sweater for a party that we were invited to and I thought, if anyone would have one, Sears would. No luck. It turns out that they have really upped their game, but back to the point of my post.

Sears is an institution and has been around since 1925. I remember many trips there as a child to try on shoes, match up my Granimals, look at new washing machines with my mom, or buy a new hammer or other tool with my dad. Sears carries it all. Plus, what child born in the 70’s doesn’t remember drooling over the behemoth Sears catalog at Christmastime? Oh, how I enjoyed going through page by page to come up with my ‘wish list’.

Growing up, Sears is also the place that my mom took me to have my portraits taken from time to time. Looking through my baby book, it’s filled with pictures taken at Sears. They must have had a promotion running, where you can buy one photo and get a second one for free with no sitting fees. That’s the same package I signed up for on Saturday after buying almost $400 worth of other shots! And you thought Sears was inexpensive. Me too! 🙂

Here are a couple of photos from your first Sears Portrait Studio session:

No baby book would be complete without a formal picture taken in overalls. The little dog in this shot was a gift from the hotel staff in Florence. You love this toy!

Blue eyes…enough said!

Wardrobe change. You can’t crawl yet, but you can stand very well with support. I am off camera to the right of you, just in case.

I should add that it was after your photo shoot that you fell off a child size chair in the waiting area and not only bumped your head, but also somehow got a major scratch on your nose. Oops! I felt terrible, but was glad it was after your pictures had been taken.

The best is yet to be.

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Guest Post

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The Middle Place

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Safety First

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Tipping Point

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Mommy To Mom To Mother

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Social Butterfly

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Baby Proofing Season

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You Should See The Other Guy

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Take Me Out To The Ball Game

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Strike A Pose

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