It ain’t fair; you died too young, Like the story that had just begun, But death tore the pages all away. God knows how I miss you, All the hell that I’ve been through, Just knowin’ no-one could take your place. An’ sometimes I wonder, Who’d you be today? – Kenny Chesney
The image is fixed in my mind.
My parents would grow old. Crotchety and set in their ways, but always my pillars of strength.
My parents would grow old together.
They would retire and live off of their investments and savings.
They would take a cruise and travel to places they’d never been, like Australia and Hawaii. Maybe relax for a change.
They would love my son to pieces and relish being active and present grandparents.
I’d like to think they might have made a move from Arizona to Southern California to be closer to us. I can see them in a condo near the beach and my mother’s skin golden brown all year long.
There would be daily phone calls and frequent visits, long conversations about how I was as a child compared to Lucas’ latest phase. We’d talk about the far away places they’d lived, politics and books we were all reading and promise to share them when we were done.
My father might’ve bought that ship and mail business that he always talked about or maybe he would have invested in his favorite used bookstore in Tucson. Perhaps he’d consult school administrators working in small overseas schools around the world.
My mother might of continued substitute teaching never fully able to be away away from young children. Perhaps she would have volunteered at the local library or became a sales associate at a teaching store.
I wonder if she would made an effort to lose all the excess weight she carried. I’d like to think they both would have started a health kick; bought a juicer, purchased a treadmill, joined a gym and taken better care of themselves.
I’ll never know who they would’ve been or what they’d be doing now, but the image of them being here is fixed firmly in my mind.
Catalina Island, 2005
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I do this all the time too Tonya. Wondering if Jason’s parents were still here with us how things may be different for us – and the kids.
It’s hard not to wonder. Sigh….
Oh, Tonya. I don’t know the story behind your parents’ loss, but I am so sorry for it. You’ve basically described the relationship I have with my parents now that I’m grown with a family of my own, and it’s something that I cherish. Losing my mom and dad is one of my greatest fears, next to losing my own child. I simply can’t imagine a world in which either of them don’t exist, and I’m sorry you’ve had to experience just that.
It’s really hard to exist in a world where they don’t. Continue to cherish your parents for as long as you can. xo
If you click on the black and white photo on my side bar, it will lead you to the story of my mom and dad’s deaths.
I always like reading about your parents.
I haven’t shared this on my blog since it is a humor site, but my step-mother is terminal and trying to help my father care for her is so strange to me. I don’t feel old enough to be caring for aging parents. This post is particularly timely as I feel they should be doing the things you describe in this post…..
Oh, Poppy, I am so sorry. And I was only 35 when I lost my parents. I think I’d rather be caring for them than mourning them. Well, maybe not. I don’t know. It’s so hard to say.
I’m sending you lots of strength. xoxo
I think sometimes what life would be like if my husband’s father was still here. I think life would be a lot different.
Life for me/us would be so much richer. I just know it and probably for you and your family too.
Sending lots of hugs. I get the whole “life isn’t fair” thing, but some things seem so much less fair than others.
Funny, I’ve never thought it wasn’t fair, I just feel robbed. I suppose that’s sort of the same thing though, huh?
Oh Tonya. Wondering what if is such a painful process – but in healing, I think it’s necessary. Hugs to you, I know this can’t be easy. xo
Thanks, Alison. I appreciate your friendship and support. Yes, to healing and the very long and painful process that is. Sigh…
I’m so sorry they left too soon. I’m sure they would have done all the things you have written in this post. And with you having Lucas I’m quite sure they would have moved to SoCal to be closer to you. Your parents were lovely parents. Keeping you in my thoughts today and always. Big hugs, Friend XOXO
Thank you, Sophie. xoxo
There was a time when all four of our parents drove us bat shit crazy, remember that? I wish I knew then what I know now.
Yes they did, especially my Mum, but they were only being parents and us reacting as teens! Now we know how difficult it can be and how we want only the best for our children. BTW, there are a few things I did as a teen that I would think about twice, but you’re one if the best things (not that you are a thing) that happened to me all those years ago. XOXO
You are 100% correct, they were only being parents. And how were we to know at 14 what that meant?
You were one of the best things that ever happened to me too. xoxo
I often wonder what my life would be like if my dads father was still alive. Or if my grandparents were still here. I think the wondering and the what ifs can hurt more than the loss. Sending you lots of hugs. xo
I think you’re right, but it is very much part of the grieving process. Sending you love right back.
I thought about daddy all day on Monday and it really helped me knowing that so many other people around the world were going to enjoy a snickers bar, drink a diet dr.pepper or listen to the Beatles. 🙂
Of course, I too wonder what they would be like today. I have no doubt that they would be enjoying life in Southern California right along with us.
All my love. XOXO
I am sure you are right. Too bad we’ll never know. Sigh…. xoxo
I say this to Cort a lot too. Randomly the other night I said, “I bet your dad would have totally been into this show.” (It was Duck Dynasty). It just popped in my mind for some reason.
I love that picture of them you posted. I love that you remember them that way.