There are bribes to get in and out of the car, move from one activity to the next, bribes to brush teeth, put on and take off articles of clothing, do things and behave the way I want him to.
The dialogue varies from threats and time outs to special privileges, sweet treats and new toys.
The negotiations are clever and cunning and downright exhausting.
All day, every day scenarios like these play out in my home:
SCENARIO 1 – Getting out the door
Me: [Matter-of-factly] Lucas, we need to leave in five minutes, buddy. Let’s get your shoes on.
Him: grumble grumble something that sounds like: I’m playing cars right now.
Me: [Excitedly] Don’t you remember? It’s tumble class day!
Him: No tumble class!
Me: [Way over excited] C’mon, it’ll be fun, you love tumble class.
Him: silence
Me: [Questioning] Lucas?
Him: I’m playing cars right now.
Me: [Exasperated] Let’s get your shoes on. We have to go!
Him: silence
Me: [Defeated] I’ll let you watch TV in the car, if you let me put your shoes on and we get out the door.
OUTCOME: Shoes on and we’re off! Class goes pretty well but as usual, an hour is generally 15 minutes too long for either of us.
SCENARIO 2 – Running an errand
Me: [Nonchalantly] I need to go to the grocery store and get a few things, will you come with me?
Him: No, no grocery store!
Me: [Pleading] Lucas, we don’t have any milk and you finished your favorite cereal this morning. Plus, I need get some veggies to have with our chicken tonight. You can help me pick them out.
Him: No veggies.
Me: [Begging] Please. It’ll be a quick trip, I promise.
Him: No, no grocery store.
Me: [Defeated] What about getting a new car while we are at the grocery store?
OUTCOME: We are at the grocery store crossing items off my list and adding another car to our already out of control collection.
SCENARIO 3 – Taking a nap
Me: Why don’t we go in your room and read some books?
Him: No books, no nap!
Me: No one said anything about a nap. Let’s go read!
Him: No books, no nap!
Me: Why don’t you pick out three books for me to read to you?
Him: No books, no nap!
Me: Listen kid, you need to take a nap.
Him: No!
Me: Okay, why don’t we just lay down and watch TV?
Him: I need a snack.
Me: Okay, I’ll get a snack if you come read with me.
OUTCOME: A very long afternoon for two frustrated people because the snack of choice always contains sugar.
SCENARIO 4 – Eating
Me: What do you want for lunch?
Him: How about mac ‘n’ cheese?
Me: That’s sounds good.
Him: No, I want yogurt.
Me: Okay, what kind? We have vanilla, blueberry and peach.
Him: Peach
Me: Here you go!
Him: No, I want a waffle and a banana.
Me: What about your yogurt?
Him: No, I want a banana!
Me: Okay, here’s a banana. Do you still want the waffle?
Him: I want mac ‘n’ cheese.
OUTCOME: Nothing is eaten, everything is thrown away and I swear I’ll make him eat whatever I put in front of him for the next meal. It doesn’t happen. Ever.
Please tell me I’m not the only pushover mom out there.
Please!
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This definitely sounds like our house. Clearly all the toddlers have gotten together to conspire to drive us Moms crazy. I’ve even tried changing my language so I don’t pose the non-negotiable stuff in the form of a question but we still have our battles. NO NAP is the biggie. Hang in there!!!!!! 🙂
The Toddler Conspiracy… now that’s a book I should I write! Or read. 🙂
Oh this is exactly what happens in my house! These toddlers sure are frustrating little buggers!
Hang in there though, we’re all fighting the same battle.
And that, my friend is very comforting to know! Sigh…
You are so NOT alone, but for me you have double the ante and play into each boys insane demands ..LOL. I’m laughing so I don’t cry. I have these scenarios daily too and I get to drop them at school/daycare for 11 hours, I can’t imagine how “all day long feels” , unless it’s like Sat and Sun in my house and then you have all my sympathy..I’ll send chocolate…for u! Xo
Twins! How do you do it?
All day long feels all day long, in a nutshell. 🙂
I’ll gladly accept your chocolate as long as it arrives by the truck load.
I don’t think you’re being a pushover I think you’re just making it work. These toddlers are totally unreasonable little people aren’t they?
You got that right! In the end, it’s all about making them happy and comfortable and safe. I guess that goes for me too. 🙂
I don’t think it’s called being a pushover, I think it’s called getting through each and every day and making sure that things gets done and you get through another day. I’m pretty positive that every.single.mom uses these tricks. When it comes to food though, I don’t think he really knows what he wants and just says whatever food that he can think of… Haha! : )
You’re def not the only one! I find myself walking the fine line between being a pushover or being too hard on my kids. I waiver between the two constantly. I wish there was a happy medium. My little one turned three this summer and is testing me in ways I was never tested by my older one!
Right there with you. It’s so hard! I go back and forth between bribes and threats. Very frustrating that threats work so well. Sigh.
Regretfully, I used to actually feel bad for having to bribe my toddler to do simple things like get in the car or eat enough food so that she doesn’t starve to death, but I’ve learned that it all comes with the territory. I convince myself that rather than being a push-over who can’t get her to listen to me otherwise, I’m just being a good negotiator. Ha.
I agree with the others. We all have to make it through one day at a time. I try to give my kids reasonable choices, such as “do you want an apple or a banana with lunch?” But half the time the answer turns out not to be fruit, but cookies instead. You win some, you lose some.
I’m a total pushover. I use bribery whenever I need to. Only time my kids actually listen to me is when my husband is home.
I’ve been there too and bribe used to sometimes be my best friend when the girls were toddlers! However, they didn’t get to choose what they wanted to eat because it would have been French fries or Pasta every day ; )
I think it takes a lot of courage getting out of your comfort zone, but as it seems, it always – always, pays out.