Even though she hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in days, she woke up before the sun.
There were no more international calls to make or receive; all the details had been handled to the best of her ability, knowledge and strength.
The photos and music had been carefully selected and the difficult but necessary phone calls made.
She bought a new black dress that she knew would hang in her closet forever but only be worn once.
The obituary had been written and ran in the newspaper the previous day. She will always wonder how there can be a word limit when describing a person’s life. Let alone two. How do you convey all the wonderful qualities about someone and list the reasons why they will be missed in 300 words or less?
This morning she would do something life affirming.
She wanted a chance to forget for a while; to do something that she would do any given day so as to feel the slightest bit normal.
A walk through a beautiful canyon. She would immerse herself in abundant wildlife, get lost in hillsides resplendent with palo verde trees, graceful groves of ocotillo and prickly pear cactus.
She wanted to be surrounded by life, to fill her eyesight with nature and growth so that her dark and broken heart may heal someday.
Today was a day to remember, mourn and begin searching for peace.
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wow, Oh sweetie, that was just gorgeous and heartbreaking and HONEST.
wow, wow, wow. The tears stinging my eyes.
Perfectly said! Just beautiful!
This is beautiful and raw.
I like that in the midst of sorrow and death she wants to fill herself with life and growth so that the healing process can begin. This piece is so full of hope!
Well done.
I don't even know what to say about this post. It's full of loss and hope. It's heartbreaking and beautiful.
I love how she starts off all practical, and ends with being the opposite. Great stuff!
So sad, and hopeful for healing at the same time.
I love her outlook on life and death. She isn't moping around… she's continuing life, her life and not letting it be consumed by death.
I actually thought this was non-fiction. Simply lovely.
Oh wow. That was beautifully written. So honest and open.
i thought this was nonfiction too…and i think it's interesting how many of us chose to hit on the lack of life for this post.
beautiful, tonya.
I love this. I think about you and your parents often. Does that seem weird?
This shows your strength – your desire to affirm life even in the midst of something so tragic.
Such amazing writing Tonya. Seriously. It's so emotionally powerful and raw. Love it.