Having battled unexplained secondary infertility for over three years, I know it is completely irresponsible to say this, but anyone who has one child, really should have two.
Not only is a sibling great for teaching communication skills and learning how to share, but it also creates a built-in lifelong friendship and promotes the value of teamwork. I honestly can’t wait until my youngest, Lola is old enough to work together with her brother, Lucas to go head to head with me and my husband. I want them to plan and scheme and support one another always.
Apart from all the sibling benefits, having a second child has made me a better mother to my first.
With four-and-a-half-years between them, I am such a different, more relaxed mother to Lola than I ever was to Lucas.
With Lucas, I was such a rookie! I was anxious and worried most of the time. I tried to stick to a “schedule” as much as I could, consulted charts, tracked development and marked milestones, called his pediatrician A LOT and made sure he ate an all organic diet until he was two years old and there was never dessert. I hovered far too much. Because that’s what you do with your first. I didn’t know any different. I was going crazy trying to be a “good mom”.
With Lola, I’m WAY more at ease. I didn’t have that sense of calm with my first. I give her a lot more freedom and I know that she’s okay. In large part, my comfort is due to the four-and-a-half-years of experience I gained from Lucas. Where I was unsure the first time around, I am loving this confident mom I am becoming. And that ease has transferred to the way I am with Lucas. I’m not as rigid with him as I used to be.
I still have anxiety and worries but knowing sort of what to expect is so comforting, especially in these early stages. Lola is only 15 months old.
Lucas was my whole world for so long and received a lot of undivided attention before his little sister was born and I was fearful that Lola wouldn’t benefit from that, but because of the age gap, Lucas is in school five days a week for 5+ hours per day and has activities beyond that leaving Lola and I lots of bonding time. Sometimes Lucas is actually the one to get the shaft now that Lola is so young and still depends on me for all of her needs. That makes me sad, but I know it won’t also be this way. She’s growing more independent every day.
Even though my children are different from one another and I try to keep the comparisons at bay, I know that there are many obstacles ahead of us and mothering traits I haven’t even begun to tap into, I’m just happy not to be a rookie mom anymore. I’m happy to have found some self-assurance and I can only hope that both my children are benefiting from it!
Of course, ask me tomorrow and I’ll probably be pulling my hair out feeling anything but confident.
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I felt the same way when I had James.
Glad I’m not alone in this.
With each child I ease up a little. I remember my husband telling me I didn’t to entertain them every second…that’s why they had each other. It took some of my stress as a mother away!
That’s great advice and I can imagine with each one it helps ease the pressure.
Thanks for your comment!
I think about this often – my second child was so much easier than my first. I wonder if it is their innate personality that’s different, or if our confidence being so much higher actually creates the calmer child.
I think it’s a combination of both. Either way, I’m much calmer the second time around and I am so grateful for the opportunity.
The twins eat off my plate, I no longer puree organic vegetables for anyone 🙂
We just get better at this, and know ourselves and our children better. We do have our firstborns to thank for paving the way!
Lucas and Lola are definitely so good for each other! I too love watching them interact with each other.