I know I’ll never forget.
How could I?
And yet, I still felt a burning need to do something or rather have something to remind me and to acknowledge where we’ve been.
Something to commemorate the tears and heartbreak, my way of memorializing five lives that never came to be.
I bought the first one just before we started our last round of IVF, a process that we were certain would work.
I carried it with me everywhere, in my pocket or purse, always within reach. I carried it for luck and love, but most of all for hope.
When the process didn’t work, I wanted to throw it against the wall with all my strength and watch it shatter, like my own heart had.
Again.
Instead, I placed it in a box on my dresser and there it stayed.
Recently I added four more just like it because it has taken on a different meaning: what could have been.
Sometimes it is agonizing just knowing they are there, but they represent a very long and grueling journey that we have not yet completed.
They represent loss.
And peace.
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I’m so sorry, Tonya. I know the feeling of 1. I just couldn’t imagine repeating. My own heart goes out to you and pray that your desires come true some way some how.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.
I’m so sorry for your losses, Tonya. I hope and pray that your family will one day be complete. Sending love and light your way.
Thank you, Alison. xo
My heart goes out to you, Tonya. As you know, I lost four. It just stays with you. I hope that your second baby finds you soon. Thinking of you. xoxo
There is no escaping it. I know you understand. Thank you for that and your support. xo
I’m so sad for your losses, Tonya. I know the awful feeling of one loss. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Dearest Friend and hope that your journey will be complete soon. Sending you all my love xoxo
Thank you. We are trying to remain positive. I appreciate your good thoughts and as always, your friendship. xoxo
As heartbreaking as this post is, it’s such a beautiful thing…keeping the hearts. I’ve often wanted to have *something* to represent the two who aren’t here, but I have no idea what to do.
This journey has a change coming. I just feel it. There will be a beating heart buried in a soft body soon.
I hope you’re right, Katie.
If you would like, I’d be happy to send you two of your own glass hearts. LMK. xoxo
Wishing I could make this easier.
Me too. 🙁
Thanks for reading my words.
My sweet friend, my heart aches every day for you, it prays every day that you will email or text me and tell me that Lucas is going to be the most amazing sibling..and I pray that your own heart keeps being strong and full og HOPE. You are always in my heart. Xo
I can’t wait to share good news with you! Soon… 🙂
Thank you for your friendship, your heart and yoru kind words. xoxo
I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a beautiful and heartbreaking post. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope that one day you get your happily ever after.
Thank you. We’re working on it and remain hopeful.
Sending hugs and love.
Thank you, Devan. I know you understand. xo
I hope there are no more hearts added to the collection. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs.
Oh, you and me both, Jessica. xo
There are no words that I can say that would make you feel better… all I can do is tell you that I understand infertility and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And although I don’t “know” you, my heart aches for you. Maybe one day your journey will have a different ending. I sincerely and truly hope so.
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words, support and understanding. It’s a pain too many of us share.
My heart breaks and I feel your pain. I lost three and always think of them the time of year they would have been born. I struggled for years and infertility to have kids and I still feel so sad for what isn’t even though I’m greatful. The pain never fully goes away
No, it never does sadly. I’m so blessed to have Lucas and feel bad about wanting more. But I do.
My heart breaks for you. Sending you so much love and many hugs. xo
Thanks, Kimberly. I appreciate your love.
What a lovely idea, bittersweet though it is. Taking a moment now to mourn those little hearts with you. I hope you know how hard we’re all rooting for you!
Thank you so much. I need those little hearts. They represent so much to me, what could have been, what is and what will be. I also need all the support I can get. xo
Here i am at work with little tears in my eyes! Ugh! Thanks a lot T! My heart will forever ache for what you had to endure last year with all this. I am glad that you find such comfort in blogging and pouring your heart out on here. I love you so much. XOXO
Thank you, Leah. For everything. xoxo
Such a beautiful post.
Every night I say a prayer that you’ll soon have your healthy baby.
And every morning, I wake up hopeful that you will.
Much love, Tonya. xoxo
I’m so sorry. I love the hearts and love that you shared them with Katie/ sluiternation.