Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

Especially For Lucas

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My heart is full and I am so grateful for my life and count my lucky stars that I have Lucas.

But, there are times I want another baby so much it hurts.

I’ve written about this once before.

Reluctantly.

But there is no denying my feelings.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful throughout our journey, through every heartbreaking and disappointing twist and turn and I have learned that some days positivity is not quite enough.

I do, however, remain hopeful.

Hope has to be enough.

I want another child for me, for our family and especially for Lucas.

He would be so good with a little baby brother or sister. I think having another member of our family would teach him more about family, love and patience than his father or I ever could.

Having a sibling would provide him not only a playmate, but someone to share his memories with and someone to grow up along side.

I waited almost 12 years for my sister and it was nine years too long, in my opinion. I can’t imagine having any other sister, but I wish that we had shared more time at home together under the same roof. I wish that we had grown up together. I want that for Lucas.

I keep thinking about all the babies we’ve lost, the disappointments we’ve had over the last two years and how when it is my time to bring another life into this world, it will be the one that was meant for us, the family member we were meant to have and the sibling that was made especially for Lucas.

And I think how fortunate that baby will be; already have three people waiting with open arms and so much love to shower them with.


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Comments

  3. My fingers are crossed for all three of you…and my kids are almost 4 1/2 years apart and they are very close. I adore that relationship, and I want it for you

  5. This hurts my heart. I want this so much for you. It will happen, I know it will. Stay strong. Sending you love and hugs. xo

  6. This breaks my heart..Your family so deserves another little one. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed, my friend. Sending big hugs to the three of you XOXO

  8. I was just thinking about you yesterday and sending some conception magic to you. I imagined you happily barfing every morning. I will keep that image alive and hope with you.

  9. I understand this my friend, to want your body to cooperate, for your dreams to come true, for you family to be complete. My prayers are always that you get that wish…that baby is going to be so lucky to have you as its mom and to have Lucas.

    I am “holding the HOPE” for you my friend. Xoxo

    • I know you know what a frustrating journey this is more than most/ Thank you for your kind words, optimism and friendship.

  12. You will be blessed. I’m sure of it. And Lucas will be the awesomest brother ever. Much love to you, my friend.

  15. This is beautiful Tonya.

    My heart hurts for yours.

    But I’ll set that aside and fill it with HOPE instead.

    For you.

    (Stunning words, stunning you.)

  19. I can’t imagine the longing you have, I can’t. I know that once that baby does grace your lives? It will be loved like crazy. Crazy!

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