Ten years ago on this day, it was a Saturday and my now ex-husband’s sister’s two sons, our nephews, ages four and six were spending the night with us for the first and last time.
All night.
I hadn’t spent that much time with children since I moved out of my parents house (my own sister is almost 12 years younger than me). I was equal parts excited and nervous.
With their mother’s approval, I took them to see the movie The Lord of the Rings.
A three hour movie!
What was I thinking?
They were both up for it, so I thought what the hell. What did I know?
About 30 minutes into the film, the elder of the two started and kept carrying on about whatever latest video game device my ex had and wanted to go back to our house to play with it. I gave in, got my money back and we headed home.
My ex was probably on the back 9 and didn’t want to be couldn’t be reached and I had no clue how to work the video game. There was whining and I’m sure tears, but like I do now with Lucas, I distracted them with what I can’t recall and before long they (sort of) forgot all about blowing stuff up while zoning out in front of the TV.
The next morning came too soon, not only because I was enjoying playing house, but I remember thinking I hope all children don’t wake up this damn early. Ha!
I remember I made pancakes because that’s what families did on Sunday mornings and I vividly recall envisioning myself being a mother someday as I gave each of the boys a turn mixing the batter.
Three months later, my marriage unraveled and I wouldn’t become a mother for another seven years.
Fast forward ten years and I still miss those two boys, who now have a younger brother and think of them often. I wish that there could have been some way that I could have remained in their life, remained their aunt.
This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 2.) Start with the phrase: “Ten years ago on this day, I was…” (inspired by Business 2 Blogger)
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That is the worst part of divorce, we loose common family and friends with it.
Such a lovely post to read Tonya, I like how much a small thing like a night with your nephews meant so much to you!
I really enjoyed my nephews. Now, I have two nieces!
I do love your blog name. My husband’s name is Lucas. =)
Definitely a smart move…cutting your losses in the theater. Ha! I am impressed that you remember the exact day 10 years ago. I was going to choose that topic, but I couldn’t remember the day at all. Wish I could have.
Thanks, Lucas is a great name!
I have calendars that date further back than 2002 (I’m anal that way!), so I looked it up and then reflected and remembered the details. Plus, in my three year marriage to my ex, that was the only time our nephews spent the night. 🙁
I love this post! Before I was a Mom I kept my nephews one night as well. My husband’s older brother is 11 years older. I was so exhausted the next day that I thought, “Surely all kids cant be this tiring right?” HA! Yeah, right!
Sucks that you dont get to see them anymore.
That one night taught me NOTHING!
It makes me sad that we’ve lost touch.
I know the feeling, 10 years ago I had a step daughter that I loved with all my heart, she now has 2 baby girls that I would love to be a part of their lives. We still chat occasionally but I would so love for her to know my boys!
It’s amazing how things stick in our minds for so long!
I’ll never forget that night or those boys. I wish they were still in my life.
I had a few step siblings growing up that I don’t talk to anymore. It’s sad when people are no longer part of your life due to divorce but sometimes there is nothing that can be done about it.
We tried to stay in touch and see other other for a while afterwards, but you know how that goes. I’m “friends” with my ex and ex-sister-in-law on Facebook, so I get updates from time to time. Not the same.
It always amazes me about how 10 years or 5 years or 5 minutes change our lives…and how people walk in and out of our lives…and leave those footprints that never really go away. I hope the memory didn’t make you very sad..thank you for sharing it with us and I do hope that you get to see those boys at some point. I know you were a great aunt!!! Xoxo
Yes, life can change in an instant!
I like to think I still am… with my new marriage, I gained two lovely nieces. 🙂
not sure how i did it, but i never gave up on one of my nieces i lost contact with because of divorce. though i rarely ever heard back from her, i would send cards at Xmas, her bday- always letting her know i was thinking about her and hoping all was well. when she was 19 she reached out to me. it was amazing. her younger brother is the nephew i speak about in my 10 year post today and she was really worried about him (i had more contact with him b/c he was biologically my brother’s kid while this niece was not). she now has a boy nearly 4 months older than my girl. 🙂 they were at my girl’s bday party. it’s not a perfect relationship, but there’s some contact nonetheless.
That’s nice. I’m Facebook “friends” with my ex and my ex sister-in-law and although it’s not the same, it’s something and I always send their family holiday cards.
What a special memory to share, though I’m sorry it’s tinged with the bittersweetness of not being their aunt anymore. I’m sure they have this memory tucked away somewhere, too.
It’s a nice memory to have for sure.
DIvorce is so hard. I have watched my sister go through two and it just sucks. On another note, I think it’s hilarious that you took them to Lord of the RIngs! I guess it’s good we become parents and learn what to do with kids. Definitely a bitter sweet memory, I’m sure.
In high in sight it was a stupid move. Video games always reign over sitting quietly for THREE hours.
This is such a sweet memory, even though it’s wraught with sadness at no longer being in the boys’ lives. But you did make me giggle taking them to that movie. I always wonder about people, even family, I’ve lost contact with. How they are, what they’re doing, if they’re thriving. I hope they remember the day and sleepover with you.
We are “friends” on Facebook, if that counts, so I do get updates from time to time. It makes me sad though.
You know, for a “parenthood by fire” trial, that isn’t too bad of a start.
It definitely gave me a pretty good taste of what parenthood would be like.
I love thinking like that! 10 years can bring so many changes. I was about to pop with my second baby about 10 years ago and moving from the city to the country – yeah, I would say my life in 10 years is pretty different – ha!
Isn’t it amazing how much our lives can change in 10 years? I’m sorry you weren’t able to keep in touch with your nephews.
You were very brave taking them to a 3 hour movie!! I can barely sit through one.
Have you tried contacting them over the years?
Funny how 10 years goes by so fast and so much can happen, but at the same time the memories we hold were so long ago. I wish you all your own happiness, hope all the kiddos are doing great.
What a lovely post. I’m glad you have that good memory, but I can imagine how hard it is to lose family like that, especially kids.
Oh you, I love the way that you wove this moment with who and where you were then and all of the nows and wishes – all threaded together by your beautiful heart. xo
Divorce clearly doesn’t just affect the two people involved – it’s everyone around them too. I’m so sorry.
I bet they missed you too.
This post just whisked me back 8 or so years. I dated this guy for five years. It was pretty much a given we were getting married. His nephews called me Aunt Kate.
I remember the older of the two, J, asked me about mustard plants one day when we were up north at my ex’s parents’ cabin. We were zooming around on the golf cart and he asked me about the yellow plants. I told them they were mustard plants and that is where mustard comes from. Mustard is a seed that they turn into a liquid for our hot dogs.
He thought about it awhile and asked me what Ketchup plants look like. I tried to tell him that Ketchup came from tomatoes, but he was skeptical.
I miss that kid.
A LOT.
I THINK he and his younger brother have one more younger sibling now too…but I am not sure.
I haven’t lost any nieces or nephews to divorce, but I have lost touch with aunts and uncles. It’s been heartbreaking. I’m glad you were able to have that night with them, even though it wasn’t enough time.
That is so sad. My parents divorced after 25 years, and my cousins, who were like brothers to us growing up, have lost that bond they had with her when they were kids. Breaks my heart for her cause I know how much it meant to her to be their aunt.
Aw, so sad that you also lost your relationship with these guys. Families are such complicated affairs. 🙂
What a wonderful gift you gave, them though. An entire day of your undivided attention and love. You may not be named “aunt” any longer, but I do not doubt that you are still with them.
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