I love Katie and one of the highlights of my year this year was not only meeting her at BlogHer but rooming with her too. I adore her easy going personality and her beautiful words at Sluiter Nation.
I am so very pleased to have Katie here today with a touching letter to a father-in-law she never had.
Dear Steve…
No. no. that is not right. Let me try again.
Dear Slippery…
No. That is not right either.
Dear Pops…
That is better, I guess. Though I never was able to get comfortable calling you anything. That time was stolen from both of us.
It’s not fair that you were taken less than two months after I joined the family.
But you know that too. So I am not going to spend time on it.
I want to tell you things. I often start, but don’t know how to continue. I never got that one on one time to find my voice with you. I don’t know what our conversation would sound like.
I want you to know that Cortney is doing everything he can to make you proud. He takes care of me and his siblings. He reaches out to both his sister and brother to let them know he is there for them. He keeps up with his step-mom the way you wanted.
And last Christmas he was there to be the head of our family when your dad…our Gramps…died.
He knows he is the eldest generation now, and that is a heavy load to bear.
But he is not the last.
I want you to know about your oldest grandson, Eddie. But you already know about him, don’t you?
I know that you do because I see your silliness…your dimples…your spirit in him. I know Cort does too because it makes him smile a sad smile at times.
And I get a feeling Eddie knows you too.
Maybe it’s the way he points you, Papa, out in photos.
Maybe it’s how he tells me Louis, the cat, went to live with Jesus…and Papa…in Heaven.
Maybe it’s just the look in his eye.
Often times, Cort teases Eddie and tickles him until he gasps for breath, and when I tell him to stop, he says, “my dad did this and I lived.”
I know he thinks of you often and wishes he could go through this dad thing with you by his side. I know he would like to show off his boy to his dad.
Especially because we’ve got another son on the way. Charlie will be here in March.
Two Sluiter boys to carry on the name.
Will Charlie be as “Sluiter” as Eddie is?
Will I see you in the sparkle in his eyes too?
Will I see the past, present, and future of both Cort and me all at once like I do in Eddie?
What I do know, is that I wish you were here.
For Cort.
For the boys.
For me.
I miss something I never really had.
A father-in-law.
Love,
Kates
Related Posts:
That was a really sweet letter. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Oh my heart, Katie- this is stunning.
{I’m so very sorry for your loss.}
And so very thankful for your words.
xo
Such a sweet letter. And so very sorry for your loss.
I know this feeling as my FIL passed away when my husband was a child. It’s very sad to know that this part of your life is missing.
Beautiful. I love that you can see those traits in your son and keep the generations connected, if only in spirit.
Katie,
My father-in-law passed away a few months after my husband and I married. He held his first grandchild only a few weeks before his death.
Your words? I hear them. I feel them. I know them.
We miss our Steve, so much. Every day.
Our boys, too, call him Papa. They know him, they know he flies airplanes in Heaven. They know he is with us in our hearts, too.
He and I had a common ground, in what? I’m not really sure. But he got me, he understood, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish for him to be here with us. My husband misses him and is often lost as he looks for guidance in raising our boys. It’s heartbreaking.
Oh Sidnie…your words here just shot me in the heart. Yes. All of it. My FIL “got” me like none of my other inlaws do. Having him gone is heartbreaking for me, but devastating for my husband.I can’t help but think about how tickled he would be to have our two boys as his grandsons and my SIL and BIL’s two new adopted boys as his grandsons. Four little boys running around. Ugg. It brings tears to my eyes even now to think about what he is missing.
Katie, oh my. You know I also lost my FIL to Cancer exactly 3 months after I married John and like you I feel like I never got to experience a true FIL.
Before he died, I had leaned down and whispered that I wanted to carry his grandson..until the boys were born there were only granddaughters and I wanted to have a boy with the PICCINI name for him. I know how you and Cort feel watching Eddie channel him (My dad is also gone, and there is so much of him, physically in Jacob that it takes my breath away).
While I read this, I nodded and tears filled my eyes, I know exactly how this feels and I’m so happy that today you got to share them here with Tonya…because she is as amazing as you are.
My biggest hugs to you…my deepest understanding, my love and friendship always.
xoxo
oh my lovely friend…yes. My FIL was one of eight children, and up until Eddie there were no Sluiter boys from his generation. The Sluiter family stopped at my husband’s generation. Eddie was the first Sluiter boy after almost 20 in his generation. I wish my FIL had been here to bask in that. I know it made my hubs Gramps sooo happy. Plus Eddie looks SO much like Cort/his dad/his brother that it is almost scary.
So many times I wish for him to be here. So many times.
thank you for understanding. thank you for your love and friendship.
I’m sorry that you didn’t get to know him better too.
Thank you for writing this, not the way I wanted to start my day(tears and all), but an awesome reminder of a great man.
Love you!
aww. honey. thank you for following me over here today and leaving me a comment. I’m sorry about the tears. I know you especially miss your dad this time of year. I do too.
He would be…no..IS…so very proud of you.
Ugh! This one got me right in the throat. Beautiful letter that took me to a place I wasn’t ready to go yet. I’m sure there is reason. I lost my FIL in March. He has 4 grandsons. I’m thankful he just barely got to know our Weston. I really just can’t even finish my comment. Thank you for sharing this and I’m sorry you didn’t get more time.
I am so sorry, Tayarra. For your loss, for your grief, for everything. I am just so very sorry.
hugs and love to you.
There is never a word that is right to comfort for a loss. Love your letter. It’s great that you find a way to express your heart. I am sure he is watching over you in heaven.
OK, reading this instead of my web training. And wow. My “letter” would be to my brother. Who died much too young, and never got to know my husband. My children. Especially the one named for him. I grieve for the memories we would have made together, as our families grew. For the children he never got to father. The woman he couldn’t live to love. Great letter, katie. Great.
thank you, MK. and so much love to you. I am sorry you know this pain.
Wow, what a powerful and personal letter. It’s making me reflect on what I would say to my own father – who is very ill. It’s all the things you want to say, but don’t because you always think there’s time. Why wait. Thanks for the inspiration!
oh say them now. believe me…you may feel uncomfortable doing it if it’s not your normal style, but you will never regret it. but you may always regret the things you were unable to do or left unsaid.
Oh Katie, this is so touching….and sad, for all he has missed.
But I have a feeling he knows what’s going on, and is very happy. And proud.
I think so too. I think what mainly hurts my heart are all the conversations that are going unsaid between Cort and his dad. The ones he says in his head and heart, but will never get to have WITH his dad.
So heartfelt. You should save that for your kids to read someday.
That was a really beautiful letter. I can feel your sadness.
What an amazing letter so full of sadness and grief.