People don’t like to discuss death.
In many circles, the topic of death and dying is one of those taboo subjects, right up there with religion and politics, however, when it comes to death, there is no debate. Death is final and it is going to happen to all of us.
Death is the great unknown and thinking about our mortality makes us uncomfortable.
Death presumably can never affect us in a good way.
Death represents loss; loss of a loved one, loss of everything that we know.
Death is equated with fear; fear of losing someone and fear of how it will happen to us when it’s our time.
Death is a mystery and makes us question the unimaginable:
Will I go quickly?
Will I be in pain?
Will I see a white light?
Will I have done and said everything I need to when my time is up?
What kind of legacy am I leaving behind?
Will I go to heaven?
Will I ever see my loved ones again?
Will anyone attend my funeral?
How will I be remembered?
Trust me, death is far more than Elisabeth Kübler- Ross’ Five Stages of Grief.
I am convinced that if we talked about death more, if it wasn’t such an off limits subject, it wouldn’t be so scary or hard to face.
Having lost my parents at such a young age, theirs (60 and 58 respectively) and mine (35) and serving as the executor of their estate, I implore you to think about your wishes after you die and discuss them with your loved ones.
Openly.
Candidly.
Luckily, my parents did have a Will, but it had been created 28 years before they died and there were a lot of blanks and unanswered questions. With the help of many people I trusted, their estate is now closed, but it took the better part of three years.
Imagine my shock when I discovered on my father’s last “To Do” list a line item that read: Update Will. He thought he’d have time to revise it.
I also encourage you to talk to your aging parents and/or grandparents about their Last Will and Testaments in addition to their material possessions.
When my sister and I cleaned out my parents home, we separated the things we wanted from the things to be donated and the things to be sold through an estate sale, and still filled a 4′ x 30′ dumpster to the very top with junk. 16 years of paper mostly. My parents it seems were pack rats.
Death is no fun, but it is inevitable and the sooner we stop tip toeing around it, the better.
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Good reminder, Tonya. This is one of those things that comes to me in the middle of the night – do we have what we need? Do my parents? What will we do if…?
I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way how important this is.
You and me both, Robin.
It would be easier if we talked openly about what we want to happen when we pass away but it’s such a difficult subject to talk about.
My mom and grandparents seem to update their wills constantly. I think I need to get one for me because really, you never know.
That’s just it, you never know! Do you and your husband have a will? If not, you should!
Death and everything that surrounds it is hard for many of us.
My husband and I have a will (yes, already!) and we will be updating it regularly. It’s essential. You just never know.
Thanks for having the courage to talk about it.
It was a morbid place to thing to write about, but something that I have been thinking about for a while. My husband and I have a will too. I don’t think it matters how old you are, everyone needs one. Especially when there are children involved.
So true and so important.
So difficult to discuss, but completely necessary.
Great post! In addition to having a will EVERYONE with children should select guardians. I know we don’t want to think about it but wouldn’t you rather decide now who would raise your children if anything should happen to you? There is nothing worse than death followed by a horrific custody battle.
That is an excellent point, Robbie. Thank you for bringing that up. I should have included that in my post. We did that shortly after our son was born. I was insistent.
Everyone needs to read this, and more importantly talk about it. My father, whom I was/am not close with passed away and had nothing for his wishes – or any money to pay for it. It was all left to me and it all could have been avoided with a simple document. I tell my friends ALL THE TIME – don’t do this to your children!
Death is inevitable and the best thing we can do for those left behind is have a will in place. I also think it’s important to carry life insurance if there are people who depend on your income.
Everyone should read this. It’s something we should talk openly about with those around us, yet at the same time it’s a difficult subject. My husband and I have been saying we need a will for a while now. I really need to just do it.
My cousins who recently buried their mother are going this exact thing. There was no will, no life insurance or burial insurance that they know of. They’re simply stumbling around trying to make sense of it.
I’ve tried to discuss my grandparents’ wishes, but they can’t agree on ANYTHING! And since there are 4 of us to split things among, it isn’t going to be pretty if something isn’t settled before hand.
This is a great post Tonya and an important reminder. I’m not sure why death is such a taboo subject, maybe because no one wants to unknowingly make someone else upset. Stumbling this because many more should read.
Death is tough. Honestly, I still don’t like talking about it but I’m MUCH MORE open to discussing it now then before mom and dad died. It’s just not pleasant and I think most people would rather enjoy living and talking about all the fun things life has to offer. I really do wish that we had talked to our parents more about it. It would have been nice to know what they wanted and expected of us. I swear I keep looking at old letters/cards they sent me. I guess I’m looking for more from them. A note telling me that everything will be ok once they are gone. Sorry, I’m rambling now….
Wow, you posted this just 2 days after I and my family experienced the totally unexpected death of my uncle. And, it does not appear that he had a Will. As much as it sucks, this has been a reminder to kick my parents in the rear about this, for my sake as their only child. Thanks for writing this.
This is so true, and a great reminder. My husband and I haven’t got a Will yet. We are both only children and the thought of us both dying before our son is grown is the scariest thought, and one I try to avoid. But, I need to face it.
we recently did a Will and it scared me, a lot.
My greatest fear is losing one of them(the boys or John ) , or my mom or a sibling. Maybe because I lost my dad so suddenly and without warning (and you know how that feels) that my greatest fear is just never knowing and not having any control over it. I think it’s why I don’t like when we’re not together, I have been known to say “If it happens at least we’ll be together” ..it’s so morbid, but honestly it makes me feel better.
I promise to start talking about it, to start realizing that it could happen and make sure my sons are taken care of if it did.
This was such an important post, thank you for being so brave and writing it. xo
As i sit here at 300am as i usually do,i just read such a sad story of two fine people that past away,oh my way to early in life,i realized how you must be going throgh so much of life that you will miss ,but you must remember all the wonderful years you had to spend with them!no consillation for your losses,i am so sorry for your losses,i broke down big time feeling so much for what you are going through.i kind of know how you feel,i lost my wife of 18 years also and 47 is too young for anybody to die,but it happened and so god bless you and one day at a time,i sometimes go a few days sometimes not thinking about lori but its natural.part of the healing process.thank tou for your incredable stories,you are a terrific writer of your expressions of the heart.
Thank you for sharing my post with your audience.