When was the last time you wrote a letter?
With the gentle encouraging and support of Nichole (In These Small Moments) and other friends at BlogHer, I am proud to introduce a new weekly feature on Letters For Lucas called Letters For You.
I am urging friends to write a letter to someone, anyone; your unborn baby, your teenage son, your mother, your best friend, yourself at 15 or yourself at 80.
Tell someone something you have always wanted to and haven’t yet. Share a story, confess a secret, express your pride, offer your gratitude or spread your wisdom. Say something you didn’t even know you needed to say.
Letters should be funny, sarcastic or sentimental. They are yours.
I’m hoping this will be an opportunity to open your heart and share your soul. And who knows, after you write it, you may want to send it.
Each week, on Wednesdays I will feature a different letter.
Please let me know if you are interested in participating by e-mailing me at tonya@lettersforlucas.com
I’m excited to give you the very first Letters For You letter from Poppy (Funny or Snot).
“I wish I were Sophie” is my middle kid’s mantra. She contracted Jan Brady Syndrome right around Christmas. I welcome the opportunity to reassure her that she is my most interesting child as well as my most annoying.
Perhaps you remember her. She wasn’t being annoying at the time, she was playing dead.
My forgotten middle child there on the bottom of the public swimming pool at which you were life-guarding. I was swimming laps with my oldest while my husband was holding our youngest in the shallow end. We each thought the other had our four year old daughter who could not swim and was not wearing a life jacket.
I was under water when I heard your whistle, specifically counting my strokes. Like a marine mammal hearing a high pitch warning of impending danger, instinctively I just knew. Time stopped as I flew from the lap pool to the general swim pool just as you were breaking the water’s surface with my blue lipped little girl in your arms.
In those few moments before I knew she was going to be OK, I made eye contact with my husband who was just as confused. We were both trying to process how this could have possibly happened.
It didn’t take long before she started coughing up water and you handed her to me. I read somewhere that even abused children desire their mothers. It seems the same principle applies to neglectful mothers. My frightened child, and the most independent of my three, clung to me all day as I did to her. Then I started the torturous “what if” game.
What if you were distracted by a boy, a text, self consciousness about your swimsuit?
What if somebody engaged you in conversation near the lap pool and you didn’t move to the general pool in a timely manner?
We, her loving parents, did not know she was missing. What if you had not seen her?
I would have never forgiven myself.
I don’t forgive myself now.
I can only make sure it never happens again by being hyper vigilant around water. Shaking the whole time, I took her swimming the very next day to perhaps avoid a lifetime fear of water. I also signed her up for another round of lessons.
We came into visit you a week after it happened to thank you again, but I am afraid it was still too fresh to do anything but present you a small gift with tears in my eyes. A gift in exchange for a life seems so stupid. I want you to know, three years later, that I am on my knees thankful that my breach of duty came with a second chance. I am forever grateful to you, our life guarder, that you were watching when I should have been.
Thank you,
Poppy
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Wow! Thank God for the life guard that day! And I am so glad that your daughter is okay. I can only imagine I would feel much as you do had the same happened to me.
I hope that you never do and feel so lucky that it was only a close call.
1st, this is an excellent idea!
2nd, that letter made my stomach hurt and my eyes tear up!
Can’t wait to read more!
Thanks, Erin. Hope you’ll contribute.
I agree, excellent idea Tonya. I had no idea who I was going to write to when you asked me. It will be interesting to see who each person picks.
Oh Poppy…my heart was in my throat reading this. What a powerful post for the very first Letters for You!
I really didn’t know what to expect from Poppy (didn’t really care, I love her), but was so pleasantly surprised.
Thank you for all your support, friend!
Thank you Sherri.
DAMN!!! This is my worst nightmare. Amazing 1st letter post Poppy. xoxo
She has set the bar high, hasn’t she? Can’t wait for *your* letter.
Plan B was to write to my martini glass, but she said I had to be serious.
WOW. I can’t even imagine.
Thanks Tonya for taking me out of my comfort zone and into writing a letter that I really needed to. Awesome feature, I think this feature is going to be a hit!
Thank you for being my first! You have set the tone in a wonderful way, my friend.
I hope you’re right about the series.
Oh, Poppy.
This is, at turns, both beautiful and heartbreaking.
Tonya has created such a remarkable place for us to share our thoughts…the letters that must be written.
I’m so happy to see you here. You have set the bar so high for what I’m certain will be an amazing series here on Letters for Lucas.
Much love to you, Poppy. xo
Thank you, Nichole. Your support and friendship means so much to me.
I am overwhelmed by the response and can’t wait to read all the letters! Including yours.
I’m glad you encouraged Tonya to host this feature who in turn encouraged me to write something I probably wouldn’t have without a little prodding.
She needs to see this.
My son is a lifeguard, and he would be PROUD to know he made a difference.
That his job matters.
That the hours he spent training and getting certified all were for this moment.
Incredible, Poppy. I know how blessed you feel that there is a happy ending.
Now, please forgive yourself: if you don’t, it’ll cloud your smile, always.
For someone so young, she was so composed – yet slightly uncomfortable with the blubbering mess I was.
Oh, wow. I can’t imagine. This was beautifully written but so very heartbreaking.
I’ve never felt so lucky …..
Tonya, what a lovely idea!
Poppy, oh my, my heart was in my throat reading this. My biggest fear. One of. Thank goodness she was saved. By this angel.
Thank you, Alison. Please let me know if you’d like to contribute to my series.
Yes, so thankful.
What a scary moment. The pool can be a crazy place sometimes especially if there is a lot of kids. This is one of my fears when I take my kids. But sometimes it seems that the lifeguards aren’t really paying attention. I hope they are.
The truly sad part was that it wasn’t busy. A couple of families and a swim team. My husband and I just didn’t communicate. We are so lucky she was paying attention because we didn’t even know she was gone.
I’m crying at work. I’M CRYING AT WORK! UNACCEPTABLE!
In all seriousness – thanks for this post. What a beautiful letter and a wonderful sentiment.
I see too many lifeguards who would much rather be facebooking. Nice to hear about one who was alert and ready to act!
It’s a huge responsibility for a young person and not everyone has the maturity to handle it. I am so glad she did.
Oh, Poppy – there are no words.
This reminds me of a Gene Weingarten article (he ended up winning a Pulitzer for it) about parents who inadvertently left their kids in hot cars – it’s almost always the same sequence of events: something out-of-the-ordinary happened, the one parent thought the other parent had the kid (who slept in the car), something even more out-of-the-ordinary happened during the commute, the kid slept on.
It actually happened to the author, and was a big impetus for why he wrote the article – only, his daughter wasn’t asleep when he got to work, so he just re-routed to her daycare.
Thank you, Arica, for changing the scope of this tragic event from a global tragedy to, simply, a tragedy within Poppy’s mind.
Other than a few sleepless nights and a pit in my stomach when I think about it, we escaped unscathed for which I am grateful.
GAH, Poppy!!!
(Wiping tears) I know that fear of a sudden, emergency situation where you have the cognizant thought that you witnessed your child die.
I wasn’t expecting this coming over.
You wrote it very well, but I really don’t have other words right now.
This memory came flooding back when you wrote your post which is why I get hammering you with emails until you released part 2.
Poppy. You had me tearing up Thank God she is ok. Taylor had walked off when I wasn’t paying attention when he was 4 yrs old. Had to call the police for help. I have never felt that scared … Ever! Obviously we hound him. He had walked into the woods behind our house. Guess How found him. The Dog!!! You know Joe much I love dogs. The fog kept barking at us then run to Taylor …. Like old Lassie movie.
We all turn our heads for just a second or think the other parent us watching. !!! They are quick ). Thank God for the protectors of the children )
You are such a good writer. Could see you writing for tv !!
Are you typing from a cell phone 🙂
This isn’t the same dog you dropped at the pound and told the kids he ran away, right?
Love you.
Oh Poppy…beautiful writing. And I had the goosebumps the entire time I read it. I’m so glad you shared your story here, and Tonya, I’m already in love with your new feature.
Thank you, Natalie! I appreciate your support. I’m so excited about this series and look forward to reading all the letters. Including yours!! Did you receive my e-mail with the date?
Yes, thanks for the tag teaming at Blogher. Truly – love you guys.
I agree with the Empress, you should send this to her. My sister was in a car accident and a random postman pulled her from her burning car. Her fingernails were singed. My Mom attended the ceremony but was not fully able to thank him. It took her a few years before she mailed him a letter. She put it in the local paper and mailed it to him directly.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Okay, this is so beautiful. And also why I have a fear of pools. (The home kind, not the guarded by wonderful lifeguards kind.)
I hate any pools as of now. My neighbors have one and when they are gone, I move their ladder. Too dangerous for my curious kiddos.
Oh my goodness, that’s so scary. I can’t imagine. Thank goodness for her. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so completely grateful.
Poppy, what a scary story and what a lovely, lovely letter. I am sure that lifeguard would cherish knowing what a difference she made. You should forgive yourself, though. We learn from our mistakes, and it wasn’t one you made intentionally.
I know kids don’t come with a handbook, but watching them around water is pretty much implied when you take them home from the hospital. I just hold that feeling close so I don’t forget it – I never want to make such a stupid parenting mistake again.
Tonya, what a wonderful feature and a great way to kick it off.
And Poppy, oh, my heart stopped as I read this. I was a lifeguard for over 10 years and only once had to pull a child out of the water. I agree with Alexandra that you need to share your letter.
Also: OMG, that is some beautiful writing, my friend.
Thank you! I’m really excited about this series. Please let me know if you’d like to write a letter. 🙂
Did you have a red swimsuit and a boyfriend named Mitch?
I would love to hear your lifeguarder story.
I’m so sorry this happened. I understand being wrecked with guilt over what if’s-it can drive you crazy. Er, crazier.
Thanks for sharing, but I don’t forgive you for making me all weepy.
I have such a girl crush on you you psychopath.
Oh my. What a moving letter. I don’t know how you could ever feel like you thanked this girl enough. But your words are so heartfelt. Truly wonderful. I hope she gets to read this.
What you say is so true. Words don’t seem enough. The deed to my house doesn’t seem enough. Like most mothers, I’d give my life for my child as I can’t imagine one without her in it.
Oh my gosh….it can happen so fast. This is every parent’s worst fear, because when you have more than one kid you can only have your eyes so many places at once. Grateful for the happy ending, but heartbreaking post. Beautifully written.
My husband and I are so specific now on communicating in all situations who is responsible for who.
Oh wow…this is definitely very high on my list of fears. I can’t even imagine what you went through with this. I’m so afraid I’ll look away or be busy with something else at the wrong moment.
This is a lovely letter. I’m so glad everything turned out okay.
Me too. We were so lucky.
I’m sobbing. That is my worst fear.
I was nodding my head when I read your pool post.
I am in tears (at work, no less) and shaking at the thought of experiencing this firsthand. Thatnk god for your angel, Arica.
I hope one day you’re able to forgive yourself, Poppy.
I don’t beat myself up on the daily, it just serves as a reminder to take nothing for granted. If I get them all to 18, I might work on forgiveness 🙂
Well I’m really crying now Poppy. Oh my. I imagine this haunts your dreams.
And I imagine this lifeguard will never let her attention be distracted when on duty.
I think it’s all those onions you have been peeling.
Wow. I don’t even have words.
Thanks for reading.
I am crying so hard right now. My middle child is a 4 year old girl who as much as it kills me gets lost in day to day life. I need to go hug her now….
It always seems like it’s the middle kid, doesn’t it?
Well done, Poppy. This is an amazing story. She gave you an amazing gift and your thankfulness drips off every word.
Poppy, I had no idea that this had happened. This letter brought tears to my eyes. I was a lifeguard in high school, and it was the one job I never felt I could slack on for even a second, for this exact reason. Thank God Arica thought the same way. It’s amazing how responsible teenagers can be if they want to.
And good for you for bringing her back to the pool right away! Events like this are so scarring, but you did exactly the right thing.
Thanks Gigi
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I took her to a different pool because I couldn’t face the one we were at. We were both so tentative, but I knew I had to or she would always be frightened.
I’m glad you were a responsible lifeguard too!
Wow! What a great idea!
And Poppy… what wonderful writing of a heartbreaking story. I am so glad the life guard was there! I can’t even imagine how scary that is
Thanks, Audrey. I’m very excited about this feature and love how Poppy knocked it out of the park with the first letter.
Please let me know if you’d ever like to contribute!
The experience changed me as I have never been so scared in my life.
And, yes this feature is going to be a smashing success.
Wow. I really hope she reads this. And I agree with the Empress, you must forgive even yourself.
Thanks Sue, if I get them to 18 I’ll cut myself some slack.
Oh, Poppy.
Now I feel bad for joking about sap back at your place…
Because this is not sappy. It’s raw and honest and heartbreaking.
This could have been any one of us with our kids at the pool.
But it was you and your girl.
And she is fine but you’ll never be the same. That’s how the whole motherhood thing works.
Hugs to you. And Maren.
And Arica.
Um, it’s me. You can always joke with me, I would be offended it you didn’t. Don’t be getting all Harriett Oleson on me.
OMG this was beautifully written! And so touching! And scary! So glad Maren is ok…
Yes, she is still my smartest kid too… Poor Hank, no near drowning as an excuse.
Poppy…that scares the shite out of me.
Worst fear ever.
I am so glad that Cindy…wait what’s your kids name? I forgot it already…the middle one…yea her…is ok (hee hee)
You win. Totally made me laugh….
This post, these words- there’s so much heart here.
What a kick off, Tonya! Congrats and much love to you!
XO
Beautiful letter – so glad it turned out “ok” in the end – because i know it will ALWAYS be with you, on your heart and your mind. I hope Arica knows how much her act of duty affected someone else’s life.
thank you for sharing this out of the depths of your heart as a mom.
Oh my god. I can totally imagine how awful that must have been. What a great letter to write – I hope it was a little bit cathartic.
What a beautiful and touching letter and a perfect way to kick off this weekly feature. I look forward to contributing in a few months.
This gave me chills! Wow. So glad the lifeguard was paying attention.